Q&A!

So, basically everyone had questions after my last post so I figured I'd take a post to answer them.

Aurix -- Where do you go to school in RI?

It's not Rhode Island that I don't like when I say I don't like "home", not at all. I love this state. It's this building. The house. It's not really "home", there's just not a better word for it. It's a big house, lots of rooms. Lots of small rooms with lots of corners, very few windows, and no overhead lighting. Sound doesn't carry -- unless you can scream as loudly as my mom when she's losing her patience (this happens a lot, especially in this house). There's shag carpetting on the stairs (I hate that). The wallpaper in my bedroom is all flowers and birds and patterns -- not a solid color or a single stripe which is how I like my walls to be. And the atmosphere of the house just...it makes me want to stay in bed and mope about nothing. I hate this building.

Also, the wireless never works. Actually, it's been fine (although I'm afraid saying something about it will jinx it) since I got here, which is unusual and has helped me to be not-so-miserable-as-usual in the house. Tomorrow I am going out. All day. And I will probably be out continuously every day for the rest of the summer if I have anything to say about it!

Sue -- my summer is going to be packed full of excitement! You see, I have an Italian class to take this summer. I will also be working at Abercrombie & Fitch. And I go clubbing basically every night while I'm here, but since I will probably need a second job so I can afford rent *and* have spending money, I will probably start dancing at one in Providence. Also, there's those beaches that I have been craving! I have to go to the beaches! So many RI traditions I need to catch up on! If there's Waterfires (which I could give a whole blog entry to, and still not be able to fully describe), I'll have to catch one of those! I was thinking, as childish as it is, I haven't seen the dinosaur exhibit at Roger Williams Zoo in ages -- and there's a new one every summer! Also, my dad and I go eat clamcakes at our favorite place, George's at Galilee's, every summer (don't listen to anyone else, George's is totally the best clamcakes!!) And I need to drink some Del's Frozen Lemonade and at least one cabinet! I have to have some Rhode Island-brewed coffee too, because I am beginning to forget what it's like! Crazy, right? Too much coffee from "Seattle's Best" and -- worse -- from Starbucks! And how can I forget that Providence Pride is coming up?!

Aside from ALL of that, I have a birthday coming up in a little over a month. I have to make sure I'm ready to stop being a teenager by June 23rd! That's a LOT of pressure! But my birthday is going to be big -- not as big as my 21st will be, of course, but bigger than the past two -- because both of those passed by with basically nobody noticing (despite my best efforts). Some of my friends from PA are coming and we are pretty much going to have a wild party all over this state. Rhode Island may never be the same again!

Speaking of birthdays, I have to get in touch with one of my high school friends. I promised him over a year ago that I was going to take him clubbing when he turned 18. He turns 18 in 2 days, so I have to make sure I'm ready for that. I have to get him a cake...and figure out a way to embarrass him at whatever club we go to. What strings do I have to pull? Hrm....

But that's just what I'm going to be doing here! I have to go back to PA every once in a while to move stuff to the apartment -- and like I would miss Harrisburg Pride? Uhhh, no!

Kevin -- I actually am feeling great right now. Tomorrow I am going to really start vacation by....running errands all day! Hopefully I will get to go out tomorrow night since one of those errands is a haircut!

The more stressed I get...

....the more wild my dreams of the future become.

It's always a test of how much stress I'm under to see how much more I have in my plans than "successful actor, doing stage and maybe some film and TV, living in a fairly cheap studio apartment in New York. A recognizable name, but not a Hollywood 'it' guy." That's the norm. That's as laid back as I come. It's realistic, it's not too hard to imagine me getting there, is it? It's

Here's what I have right now.
In ten years, I'm living in L.A. I'm heavily sought after for movies, action flicks, romantic comedies, chick flicks, and even "gay movies" -- not porn, mind you. Near porn, like Eating Out. I hang out with other stars like Lindsay Lohan (who I've been in at least one film with) and some of my friends who I have now. I am one of the stars of a soon-to-be-aired television series.
My house is a large fairly modern but far from ugly house in Los Angeles, possibly West Hollywood? Not the beach, but within walking distance of it.
I have sort of my own "team". My hair stylist is Theodore Leaf, who is on Shear Genius at the moment and who I totally think is going to win, he's a genius and an artist with hair. It's only him though because it's unrealistic to think that Laurie -- my hairdresser in Rhode Island who is always on the same wavelength as me -- would leave her home. (Pause for a second to reflect on that: realistic? Ha!) I don't know who my warddrobe stylist is going to be though...any thoughts? Maybe I'll just have somebody make clothes specifically for me....
My twin Brendan and I will own a club -- well, he'll run it (that's his dream, he once told me) and of course it will be the most amazing one anywhere. It will be in West Hollywood (not where he told me he wanted it to be, but hey, this is my stressed out fantasy!) I'll go there most nights with my posse of celebrities and our non-celeb friends (who will be pseudo-celebs just from their close proximity to us).

And these are the types of thoughts that keep me going at the end of the semester.

"The 50,000 dollars you stole from her!"

I have a secret now.

Okay, technically, there's a few. Not one person knows them all, but they've all been shared with my confidants. This one I've only told a couple people out of that select few.

But this one is big, and scary, so I'm gonna write about it here.

To start with, I should not have called my mother yesterday. I love her to death, and she used to be great when I was sick (I had an awful cold yesterday) -- but she used to be taking care of me, not just talking. When mom just talks, it's usually a mood-killer because as much as she professes that she is a realist...she's a pessimist. Particularly when finances are concerned.

Now, I'd also like to point out that my doctors have told her on numerous occassions not to discuss finances with me unless the news is good, because they noted (correctly) that I will always feel guilty (because it's my medical problems that cost our family the most), and will always worry, and will always stress myself out over them, which then increases my chances of having my Crohn's disease flare up again.
Does my mother listen? No.

So, now, after talking to mom yesterday, not only am I trying to think of when I could fit in doing the modeling offers I've received...but I'm concerned that I may be heading for a Crohn's flare up. I've not been taking care of myself as much as I should -- I've been too busy making money and trying not to fail classes.
Despite that, mom says it looks like I'm going to need to transfer somewhere closer to home and cheaper -- in other words, the school I desperately did not want to go to that is a mile away from the house I grew up in.

And I can't help hold this against my brother somehow. He's got to go to the school he chose, without hospitalizations and fate stepping in, for all four years -- and I'm stuck in Bumfuck, PA making a great turn out of settling for less. But I don't even get the chance to settle for less for four years -- I have to settle for less for two and then settle for even less for two more!
And that tour of Europe mom and dad sent him on for graduation and promised I would also get? Yeah, that's not happening.
And I probably wouldn't be so pissed at him about this if he wasn't wasting his degree and, as far as I'm concerned, his life. Whereas, I have every intention of using my degree and actually being an actor. I've even planned out (tentatively, of course) with some friends a post-graduation move to NYC. Of course, that did involve borrowing some parental money to get us started so that probably won't happen either.

I've never known a more frightening set of letters than the abbreviation for that God damned school in Rhode Island. The only thing I can think to do to make more money is to try to fit the skeevy offers I occassionally get on sites like MySpace for modeling...and porn. Nothing against porn, but it's not something I think I could or should do. I've seen the controversy when reality TV stars turn out to have been porn stars -- imagine trying to be a movie star or a Broadway performer with that history. I don't think the media circus would be a pretty sight.
And did I mention that the offers usually seem really skeevy?

I could take out more in student loans, but that's just putting off the immense amounts of debt until I'm struggling to make it in the real world.
Moving off campus next year might help, and Cody, David, Josh, and I had all been discussing getting an apartment together.
Perhaps I can get some help from Brendan, although I'd rather not...maybe the club would be able to help me out somehow too.
I bet if I talk to Jason he'll have some ideas too.
When I go home, I can investigate...I had heard from my boss's rich friend (who was going to help next year but now that he's gone missing or whatever) that Rhode Island offers a lot of little-known-about financial help for education and that it's not something you need to pay back. I don't know how reliable he was, but we'll find out.