There's an energy washing chemically over me

This boyfriend thing is taking up a tons of time I could be devoting to blogging, so I want to apologize straight up for my neglect. I'm going to run a quick overview of things since I've been back from my road trip...

Saturday, July 5
I came home and Chris came and picked me up that night. We hung out for a while and then went out to Mirabar where I was hoping to run into my friends Billy and Jamie who were visiting from LA. I saw them, and we hung with them for a bit. Then Chris and I left early because I was really tired.

Sunday, July 6
Chris and I went down to Connecticut for a barbeque at my friend Doug's house. We left that early too, more because somebody who shall remain nameless was being a drunken asshole. Let's not discuss that, shall we?

Monday, July 7 - Friday, July 11
Typical week all around, but fun. Much time spent with boyfriend. Starting to sense a theme, are we? I worked Friday night at Dark Lady, it was really nerve-wracking being the first time I'd worked since the incident in the basement Pride. They were having a blackout underwear party which was lots of fun, except it was difficult to tell who was working and who was just naked -- especially since they had five of us on -- Adam, Jamal, Matt, myself, and new boy Tony.

Saturday, July 12
I took the night off of work because it was my dear friend Grace's birthday, and I D.Ded for her. It was good that I was not drinking, because technically alcohol is bad for me with the Crohn's and all and I really needed to step back from the celebrating my 21-ness to realize how much better I was feeling overall back when I was 20. Also celebrating with us that night was Naseer, another friend from high school; his boyfriend Paul; and yet another person from high school Brendan. (How many Brendan's can I possibly have in my life?)

Sunday, July 13
Grace's actual birthday, Chris and I joined her briefly for continued partying -- this time with Courtney, Kilian, and Tara Jane -- all of whom I fondly remember from high school but basically never see anymore. I know, bad friend. It was really nice to reconnect with all of them though. :)
(And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, a picture of Chris and I! Much anticipated, I'm sure. :P)

Monday, July 14
Chris' vacation week began on Monday, so we went to NYC. I know, NYC on a Monday....it seems peculiar. He told me we were going to have dinner and drinks with his mother. I was nervous to say the least, not to mention a lot surprised at how soon I was meeting his mother (a fact that would soon make me a complete hypocrite.) We stayed at the cutest bed & breakfast, called the 414. It's fairly near Time Square. Very centrally located.
After we checked in, we went to lunch at a cute little restaurant, where cute, enthusiastic people provided excellent service. It's too bad the food *sucked* because I really wanted to like the place. Anyways...while we ate, I proceeded to pick apart Chris about this dinner-with-mother thing, more than I already had that is. Turned out I wasn't meeting his mother -- he'd pulled strings and, in just two days, gotten tickets to see Spring Awakening!!!!!! Even though Jonathan Groff is no longer in the cast, it was just as amazing as I remembered it.

Tuesday, July 15
We came back from NYC and made it back JUST in time for my physical therapy appointment. They started me on heavy-duty strengthening excercises that left my arm exhausted and left me not feeling up to very much, so Chris and I headed back to my parents' house, where I am currently residing on the misguided theory that on a Tuesday afternoon nobody would home -- as this is often true.
Instead, everyone was frikkin' home. My brother, who doesn't even live here anymore, was there. Chris spent the rest of the day with me....and my family. Even when Dad took my brother, me, and Chris out for clam cakes. See how I'm a hypocrite? Cause I sure do. And so does Chris, as he will not let me live that down...

Wednesday, July 16
Chris and I hung out more, it being his week off. That night we brought my brother up to the train station, and then brought Topher to work, and then went out for fun at Mirabar. I met a couple of his friends, which was a nice change. :P
Unfortunately, we got into our first big fight when we left. I'm not going to air the details to everyone, especially since it's basically over and done with. If you really want to know, there are plenty of more private ways to get in touch with me, yes? Yes. And then you can blog about it all Gossip-Girl style -- cause we all know how I'd *love* to be in something tabloid-esque.

Thursday, July 17
Chris and I resolved our issues over Facebook. After watching Burn Notice with mom, I went up to Mirabar, where he was working, and Dark Lady to hang out. I got harrassed by a kid who lost Dark Lady's hot body contest and was not happy about it...I decided to be nice and not explain that he might have lost because of how he wasn't actually that hot. I know, normally I'm really honest but that's the sort of thing I like to sugarcoat, and there was just no way of doing that. He lost to a drag queen for crying out loud. (A hot drag queen, but still.) The other people who lost (some of whom were pretty good looking) weren't bothered by it.

Friday, July 18
I got a haircut. Then I worked at Dark Lady. Typical night, with four of us (Adam couldn't work). Drama happened, it didn't involve me. Chris and I went to breakfast afterwards.

Saturday, July 19
Chris and I had a really lazy Saturday, though we went up to the Natick Collection (that's the mall's real name apparently). Then it was Christmas in July. Which was looottttts of fun. Only Matt and I worked, but Jamal and Tony were there -- it was nice to have the added back-up. Cleaning up took til about 4:30 am though. Needless to say I was exhausted when I got to Chris' house. He hadn't had a good night either, though he'd gotten to see several of his friends from MA. So we slept, or tried to sleep, but with both of us being in bad moods at that point it just didn't work out well. So we were exhausted Sunday...

Sunday, July 20
...So we did a lot of sleeping. Or at least, I did, I don't really know what Chris did since I came home. Stayed home too!

Monday, July 21
Today was solidly productive, kind of. Dell is coming tomorrow to fix everything wrong with my computer. The warranty is done on August 18, and if I don't get it fixed I'm betting I'll need a new one about August 19.
Then, Chris and I met up and I brought him to Dark Lady as my date to the surprise birthday party of one of the owners. It was fun, although we left a bit early. I don't really like going out on Mondays, you know? Is that weird? Anyways...that brings us to now.

Tuesday, July 22
I'm going to try this sleeping thing again. I was trying early, it wasn't working out because I was thinking about how I hadn't blogged in forever. Now that I have, hopefully I'll sleep for a few hours before I have to get up to wait for the Dell guy. Then, I'll get to nap again before physical therapy. I hope.

PS Go back to a few of the recent previous posts, there's been new pictures added to some of them! (One of them includes Chris!)

How Do I Taste?

So, in my family there is always something (at least one thing) that we will tease a person about until they die. Actually, a person doesn't need to be a member of the family even, but it helps. Today, little Brady got his first one: he slept through my Uncle Tony's 80th birthday. (Granted, he is only 9 days old...) (And he is SOOOOO CUTE!!!)

Other people in the family have their own little things they get teased about. For instance, my father will never live down the cheese-filled sausages. And I? I will never live down a few things (one of which happened the other day and we will not discuss). I will never live down my first frozen pizza.

Much like in the sausage story, mom was not home for dinner. For whatever reason, Dad and my brother were out for the afternoon and were coming home late. They called home, where I was alone. I was roughly eight years old at the time, but responsible enough not to burn the house down so I was sometimes left alone.

As per usual, I let the answering machine get the call and heard who it was before I answered.

"Hi Gray," Dad said (there's that name again.)
"Hi Dad, where are ya?" I asked in my cheerful eight-year-old voice.

Dad answered, "We're on our way home but we're running late. Can you stick the pizza in the oven? Just follow the directions and use the oven mitts."

I followed the directions, I used the oven mitts and the Digiorno (not delivery!) cheese-stuffed crust pizza was going to ready by the time Dad and my brother came home. I was excited that I had done it on my own.

I should have known that nothing with cheese inside it is ever going to end well when it's just the three of us. Except for when it's Mozz Sticks...mmm...

Anyways, to continue on...
Dad and my brother came home a little before the oven timer went off to announce the pizza was done. Dad took it out of the oven, got our pizza slicer out of the drawer and went at it.
"God, this is a tough crust," Dad groaned, pushing down way harder than usual on the pizza cutter.

My brother decided to take a turn at cutting. We all took turns. We sliced the pizza, except no one could get through the bottom crust. My brother decided to try to tear his piece of, because the pizza was clearly done.

There was a silence as his hand slid under his piece of pizza. "Gray, did you remember to take the cardboard of the bottom?"

"What?" I asked.

"There's cardboard on the bottom of a frozen pizza. Did you take it off?"

There was about a minute of silence as I realized what was going on. "It wasn't in the directions...." I just followed the directions. Whoops.

Monday Memory!

So, I decided to eff the whole inspiration thing. I'll post inspirational images when I feel like it -- which is very rarely on a Monday. :-P

Instead, we're going to take a trip down memory lane every Monday.

Today I have a funny memory that I was thinking about yesterday. It's a story that will never die in my family. It's the story of my father the cheese filled sausages.

My mother is, basically, handicapped. She is allergic to bottom-feeding shellfish (like clams, so why she lives in Rhode Island is beyond me), wheat, and corn. That means she can eat basically...well, nothing. Nothing normal anyways.
Occassionally her work as an author takes her abroad. This was much more common when I was younger (which, if you think about it, is kind of backwards, but whatever). Every time she left for a business trip it meant the boys could eat anything and everything we wanted (something else that is no longer true). We bought it all. Hamburger Helper, pies, junk food, total crap.

One time during one of our "Mom's away so the boys will play", my father stumbled upon cheese-filled sausages. Now, logically, we thought, those should be good. You have sausages at breakfast, and cheese can also be a breakfast food. So, neither my brother or I opposed dad's decision to buy these sausages. Of course, I was like six and Matt is only five years older than me so it's not like he'd have listened anyways.
The next morning, dad excitedly cooked our breakfast of cheese-filled sausages. Matt and I sat at the table and waited. We were eager, although we won't admit it if you ask us face-to-face now. Dad brought over a steaming platter of delicious looking sausages and we all got our first serving. Then we took our first bites....

...and lined up at the kitchen sink to spit them out. To this day, the cheese-filled sausages are the most revolting items I have ever placed in my mouth. I promise you, the time I ate wax (another story, not worth telling :-P) was more enjoyable.
But, McDonald's breakfast sandwich never tasted so good as they did that morning.

"We are dreamers. We are daring."

Okay! Let's talk about this audition thing!
My ride bailed on me. I was pissed. I haven't been that pissed in a long time. Fortunately, Ryan and Jake -- two of the amazing straight guys who live on my floor who I would be perfectly content marrying -- came to my rescue and gave me a ride there so I just managed to get there for 4:30, which is when I had been told (when I called the day before) that the audition was. It turns out I was there an hour and a half early -- but that worked to my advantage.

(That's my headshot, right there. My brother, who aims to be a photographer, took it. My brother is an amazing photographer, but more of scenes and scenery than of people. Not that this is a bad headshot at all, but he's capable of National Geographic level photography, and I'm not exaggerating.)

One of the women who worked there, a black woman who had a look that was vaguely reminscent of Oprah, came into the room and showed me how to do the runway walk I was going to be asked to do. I did it nearly flawlessly. I even walked in a straight line.
I picked out a script, a 30-second bit of commercial (it was an anti-drug commercial) and I memorized it. Line memorization has always been one of my strong suits, but it's really not difficult to memorize a 30-second bit. It's like four lines.
I spent much of the time talking to the woman's daughter, who is amazing, and her own daughter who is just a little baby but SO cute and who just found rhythm, she can't stop dancing. It's adorable.
I also talked to some of the people who were coming in when it got closer to time. Two girls that were sitting by me, and their parents (it was an all-age open call!) and this guy sitting next to me.
A guy was going around making sure he introduced himself to every auditioneer. His name was Jeff, and while I initially didn't know what he was doing there, it became clear very quickly.

They had brought in three professionals to watch our auditions, to take notes on us, and to ultimately make the decisions for who got the prize: to be invited to convention of talent and talent agencies taking place in Atlanta, GA this may. Jeff Rose, Vince Paul, Horace Bass (I can't find any links for Horace, but he models basically all of the socks you find in Target). When I say professional, I mean...these are people who are where I want to be. They make plenty of money in the business, most people have seen them in at least a commercial, but they're not in the tabloids every day. Maybe a little more fame than they have would be nice.

So, after all the younger kids went, I got in the front of the line for the 18-and-up auditioners. They started my runway music, I got up on the stage and I did everything right, except that I veered to left!! So, though I was mentally beating on myself for that one, I introduced myself in a loud clear voice and went on to say my bit. I didn't forget any lines, although I had the paper folded and in my pocket just in case. I said it clearly, I put in all the poses, emphasis, head movements, and facial expressions I had planned out. And then I sat down.
"That was great, it seemed so natural!" the girl behind me whispered. That was a great compliment, because I was feeling pretty stiff.

The best part was at the end. Always one to network, I went to tell the three professionals how nice it was to meet them. Vince and Jeff were still at their table. "It was great to meet you!" I said to both of them, and then I was accosted with complements -- not something I was expecting from such professionals.
"Are you with the Harman Agency?" Jeff asked me.
"No," I replied, a little shocked, "Uhm, not yet. I mean, maybe soon." Me with the speaking-English-good skillz. Woot.

Then I went back on the runway and talked to Horace a bit. Well, let me rephrase that. I tried to talk to Horace, but it was difficult to get a word in. "You were excellent! Very good!" He kept going. That was a little stunning. "I was very impressed!"
"Oh, thank you so much. It was nice meeting you!"
"You too. Don't quit!"
"Oh, I can't. It's in me. I tried to quit once, it doesn't work."
He laughed. A lot. And then we said good-bye.

And then I didn't get a call. They didn't pick me, but that's alright. Ultimately, that saves me money. The experience was great -- the best audition I have ever done, I swear -- and more to the point I networked. I went up there, played ball with the pros, and I escaped not only unscathed but with an even more inflated ego. How's that for coming out way on top?
Now they know who I am, and if I have anything to say about it (especially when Iget my car back), they won't be forgetting any time soon. There are so many opportunities before me right now....and I'm throwing open all the doors and windows and letting them all go!

Which is funny, cause that's what my horoscope on Yahoo says is going to happen, and it says that though not everything will work out, I have nothing to worry about.
I hate it when horoscopes are so eerily accurate, freaks me out. :-P

"The 50,000 dollars you stole from her!"

I have a secret now.

Okay, technically, there's a few. Not one person knows them all, but they've all been shared with my confidants. This one I've only told a couple people out of that select few.

But this one is big, and scary, so I'm gonna write about it here.

To start with, I should not have called my mother yesterday. I love her to death, and she used to be great when I was sick (I had an awful cold yesterday) -- but she used to be taking care of me, not just talking. When mom just talks, it's usually a mood-killer because as much as she professes that she is a realist...she's a pessimist. Particularly when finances are concerned.

Now, I'd also like to point out that my doctors have told her on numerous occassions not to discuss finances with me unless the news is good, because they noted (correctly) that I will always feel guilty (because it's my medical problems that cost our family the most), and will always worry, and will always stress myself out over them, which then increases my chances of having my Crohn's disease flare up again.
Does my mother listen? No.

So, now, after talking to mom yesterday, not only am I trying to think of when I could fit in doing the modeling offers I've received...but I'm concerned that I may be heading for a Crohn's flare up. I've not been taking care of myself as much as I should -- I've been too busy making money and trying not to fail classes.
Despite that, mom says it looks like I'm going to need to transfer somewhere closer to home and cheaper -- in other words, the school I desperately did not want to go to that is a mile away from the house I grew up in.

And I can't help hold this against my brother somehow. He's got to go to the school he chose, without hospitalizations and fate stepping in, for all four years -- and I'm stuck in Bumfuck, PA making a great turn out of settling for less. But I don't even get the chance to settle for less for four years -- I have to settle for less for two and then settle for even less for two more!
And that tour of Europe mom and dad sent him on for graduation and promised I would also get? Yeah, that's not happening.
And I probably wouldn't be so pissed at him about this if he wasn't wasting his degree and, as far as I'm concerned, his life. Whereas, I have every intention of using my degree and actually being an actor. I've even planned out (tentatively, of course) with some friends a post-graduation move to NYC. Of course, that did involve borrowing some parental money to get us started so that probably won't happen either.

I've never known a more frightening set of letters than the abbreviation for that God damned school in Rhode Island. The only thing I can think to do to make more money is to try to fit the skeevy offers I occassionally get on sites like MySpace for modeling...and porn. Nothing against porn, but it's not something I think I could or should do. I've seen the controversy when reality TV stars turn out to have been porn stars -- imagine trying to be a movie star or a Broadway performer with that history. I don't think the media circus would be a pretty sight.
And did I mention that the offers usually seem really skeevy?

I could take out more in student loans, but that's just putting off the immense amounts of debt until I'm struggling to make it in the real world.
Moving off campus next year might help, and Cody, David, Josh, and I had all been discussing getting an apartment together.
Perhaps I can get some help from Brendan, although I'd rather not...maybe the club would be able to help me out somehow too.
I bet if I talk to Jason he'll have some ideas too.
When I go home, I can investigate...I had heard from my boss's rich friend (who was going to help next year but now that he's gone missing or whatever) that Rhode Island offers a lot of little-known-about financial help for education and that it's not something you need to pay back. I don't know how reliable he was, but we'll find out.

Oh, what a night!

Tonight was great. I loved it.

First, I went to see The Departed with my family, which I'll write up a whole review on tomorrow, but I can't think of anything negative to say about it so it will probably be fairly dull. My brother came down from Boston just to see me! Which is exciting...but makes me wonder what he wants. :-P

Anyways, then I went out to Club Energy tonight. It was a good night -- not as many of my old friends as I had hoped, but I did see Kyle, Billy (who doesn't hate me, which yay, and that's a story for another time), Bill, Eric, and.....John and Kenny!!! That was super exciting. Now, don't get me wrong. I love all my friends from the clubs, but of them all the three I love the most are Neil, Kenny, and John. Not necessarily in that order (although sometimes, I suppose, yes). I feel very much at home, safe and comfortable, with any of the three of them.

One thing I've realized in the past year is that home isn't a place, it's a feeling. And like all feelings, it's brought about by the people around you. Those three...they're like some of the beams in the walls of my house. They hold up the roof above me, shield me from the worst of the world's weather...and in return I try to keep the termites from eating them. (Okay, shut up, it's four in the morning...at least I tried to be deep!)

Anyways, I really enjoyed hanging out with John and Kenny tonight. I met some new people too -- Domenic, Garia (who is fabulous), some Boston girl who's name I forget (I'm *sure* Kenny can tell me, he was all excited), Josh, and another Josh. It was a good time for all! Yeah, Kenny kept like elbowing me and going "I LOVE it! She's from Eastie!" and "I can't STAND it! She's an Eastie!" in his crazy, uniquely-Kenny-way of being excited when he talks. That's something I miss in PA, no one is quite that Kenny-crazy that's so amazing.

John (being John and therefore intelligent) was smart and went and got his and Kenny's jackets while that was going on so he neither had to listen to twenty minutes of Boston-craziness (:-P) and they didn't have to freeze their nips off.

Also, no one will ever convince me that Providence is not one of the greatest cities on Earth. It's not NYC, that's for damn sure...but's pretty amazing none-the-less.