"I'm a clown, cause I laugh at angels."

Remember back in the day when I used to do a weekly hottie? How many of you are interested in me resuming that practice? Let's have a show of hands, or rather, comments.

I'm feeling kind of blah today.
Okay, it's really been kind of all week.
I figured out why. I'll give you a hint. Boys. And a teensy bit of self-loathing for my total fear of rejection that renders me absolutely unable to talk emotions roughly 95% of the time.
The Daniel Bedingfield song "Gotta Get Through This" is totally helping right now. I'm a little shocked there's nothing by Darren Hayes or Savage Garden that is ringing true, cause you know how less-than-three that divine angel of music.

Moving on....I'm running errands today.
First, I need to get gas. That is going to hurt. A lot. Last time I filled up, which was in my rental, it cost me slightly over fifty dollars. You can bet your ass, I will not be filling up, at least not from E, for a looooong ass time . Putting in twenty bucks and that is all.
Seriously, gas hurts.

I'm bringing my class schedule over to American Eagle so I can be on the schedule now that I'm back in Pennsylvania. I sort of implied I'd do this yesterday, but I simply never got my act together and got out of the house. It was that blah feeling. But the sooner I'm working, the better, because lord almighty I need money.

I have to go grocery shopping. We have food, yes. Katie went shopping when she got back from the holidays about a week before I did. Unfortch, Katie went shopping thinking "Oh, it's about week before Graham gets here..."
I am unable to eat almost everything in my own kitchen.

Tonight I have to go to XS and talk about some shiz with the boss.
See, I came back and I sent a message to the manager who the owners had kinda put in charge of us dancers to let him know that I was back, right?
He sent me a message back saying that they don't have dancers at XS anymore.
Now, not that I'm incredibly pissed over this (okay, I kinda am) but shouldn't I have at least gotten a message on Myspace, if not an e-mail or a phone call? Like, normally you let people know when you're firing them, right? That's not some kind of workplace myth, is it?
So, anyways, I just need to let them know I'm irked. I'm not looking for my job back, I'm looking for still not having to pay cover even though I don't work there.
I mean, after all, their 18+ Thursday night draws people in from as far away as Baltimore, and who was it that told them to have it on Thursdays and lower the cover to $5.00? Who was there for every single lame-ass 18+ Tuesday night despite my morning Wednesday classes at the time? Give you a hint, his name starts with a G. :P
Loyalty, that's what it's all about.

It's going to be my first night out since I got back to PA. How lame that it'll be so marred.

Also, if anyone knows places looking for go go boys....
I know that Town is always looking and I saw recently that Chris Ryan was looking for some. Both those are hugely far away, but it could be worth it.

I never really discussed my New Years Resolutions, did I? Right, here they are:

• Start paying more attention to my health
• Take all of my pills all of the time
• Work out
• I need a work out buddy
  
• Eat more, eat better
• Schedule the doctor's appointments I'm supposed to make
• Get my elbow looked at -- it still doesn't straighten all the way. It's been a long ass time.
  
• Start modeling as much as possible
• Get hotter
• Work out
• Remember the Jergens!!
• Audition for a theater production outside of school

So there you have it folks.

Pretty Person of the Week!

This week we have someone super special. He's someone I've talked about on here before, though not in a while....Darren Hayes.
So one the one hand he's absolutely gorgeous. He's got beautiful eyes, a super-hot jawline...you know how facial features get me. Every time.

The hottest thing though? His VOICE! Dear lord, a voice like that does not belong in a human throat -- it's divine. One of the reasons for doing him today, the day after Valentine's Day, is because he's forever entwined with romance in my mind. Not because I want to romance him (although I totally would) but because the only thing in my head for my hopefully-someday wedding is that he absolutely MUST sing at it. I don't care if he frikkin' sings "Unloveable" (an amazing song!), he's gonna sing at my wedding. :-P

You may recall him from the '90s, the lead singer for the Australian band Savage Garden. Their first album sold 11 million copies worldwide. Yeah, you try selling that many. Their second album did not do badly at all either (I don't know the numbers though). Then they split -- and it wasn't long before Darren launched a solo career. For some reason that I cannot for the life of me figure out, his first album Spin is universally considered a flop. Granted, it has nothing on The Tension & the Spark, his second album in which he absolutely shines, but seriously. Why every single person on the planet did not buy both those albums as soon as they were released is beyond me.
Granted, it may have had to do with the same reason why I'm forced to listen to him on YouTube, his Myspace, and Yahoo! Music...the fact that I can't find his CDs anywhere.



Listening to the tones of his voice also seems to have healing properties on me. Well, usually it does...I've been trying that tactic all day, and I'm still waiting. But it will work, it cannot fail! (Or I'll just take some cold medicine since I just got some.)

In the end though, sorry to have put you through all this temptation but he's married to his beau and living in the UK (London, I do believe). That means we are all S.O.L...excepting, of course, that we still get to hear his voice.
I might just give up the wedding dream if I managed to hear him at least once, though at the wedding would be absolutely the best. You know, man I love, friends I love, family I love, me I love, and oh yeah, voice I love too. Works for me.

He is, however, performing in New York at Joe's Pub on March 28, so if you're in that area DEFINITELY do whatever it takes (short of murder, theft, pillaging, etc) to get there. Tickets just went on sale yesterday (Wednesday, V-Day) at noon. I'm willing to bet they're going fast too. I'd totally have a ticket except I sincerely doubt I can get away from school to go see him.

Disclaimer: As usual, all of my photos came from a diligent Google Image Search.

PS Too late. Joe's Pub is already sold out. Whoops.

Weekly Random Picture

Yeah, this is your Wednesday's Random Picture.

I promise it's more random than Pete Ross' collage of graham products (although this is nowhere near as amazing.)Yeah. I think that's all that needs to be said about that.

In real world news, today was a day of incident and consequence.
I did not have to do my presentation I thought I had to do for Comm. today so I showed up for class in a suit. I looked hot, true, but there really was no reason for it.
Then I went to catch the train, missed it, waited around, and caught the next one with a large group of fellow college students headed home. We pretty much took over a train car and had a social hour. And I met another Rhode Islander from my school!!!

Anyways, I'm home now.

Oh, and happy National Coming Out Day everyone!

And did I mention that I got more Savage Garden songs today? This is becoming an addiction to rival my Oreo thing...

"I console myself that Hallmark cards are true, I really do..."

So, in first news: I have definitely only *just* gone back to see if I have any comments on any posts. I was delighted to find that I did -- which means I actually have readers! You're not just imaginary people! That has made my day in ways that you don't even know. So, I would like to thank Heather of Thoughts from the Void and Pete Ross, our very own Porn Rebel, for lighting up this dark and dreary day.

Now, I'm about to expose to you all just how incredibly jaded I am. This is something I usually try to keep hidden, but I tend to be highly distrustful of men. And, as per usual, when I let down that guard I have and actually date someone, it turns out I'm just being an idiot.
Now as some of you know, I've been a little more than unsure of my relationship (if you can call it that) with Boy-Anthony. I did, last night, confirm that I'm just second-guessing myself and I do actually like him. Unfortunately, this occurred because I was so upset with him.

You see, he had told me that he was going to go to a club, that he'd called off work, probably in Philly. That's fine. I had a birthday party I had to go to.
While I'm at the party, he calls and lets me know he's on my campus. I told him I wasn't on campus, but I would be back in a couple hours and I would call him. When I returned to campus I called him -- three times. He did not answer, he did not call back. So I just sort of chilled in my dorm room. I'm listening to (surprise, surprise) Savage Garden when suddenly I hear a knock on my door. Loud, frantic knocking. And then someone going "Graham, Graham!" So I stop the music, and open the door to find two of the guys on my floor -- both drunk, standing there.
"Anthony says it's over!" one of them says.
"Yeah, some guy said it."
"He said something about you don't know how to make a phone call. Or answer your phone!"
Okay, so I get that Boy-Anthony's probably shitfaced, but sending people up three flights of stairs to tell me this instead of doing it himself? That on its own would piss me off. But that lame excuse of phone calls too? Call me Livid.
So I called him, and he called back a few minutes later. No idea what the two guys were talking about. But then again, he can barely remember his own name, he's that drunk. He tells me to meet him at the diner with some of his friends.

I get to the diner, and I'm doing the good boyfriend thing. He couldn't read the menu, so I ordered for him -- exactly what he wanted (well, he didn't want the water I made him drink...). I helped him stand up when he didn't feel like sitting. I put up with him telling me to "Fuck off" over and over and over whenever I wanted him to sit down or drink his water.
And I'm not mad when he tells me he made out with a cute girl tonight, cause you know what? At least he's telling me. I agree with Darren Hayes, "I believe trust is more important than monogamy". When I mention that, Boy-Anthony also mentions "I might have done something with a boy tonight, but I don't remember." I'm still not mad, he's being honest.

And then he gets pissed at me. He gets mad at me because of two things: 1) I won't do anything with him while he's drunk. That's part of my rule, either both parties are sober or both parties are drunk when sexual acts occur. If both parties are drunk, then it's either something they both want or its a mutual not-thinking-straight. If both parties are sober, you know they both want it. There's no danger of taking advantage of someone.
2) He's mad because apparently he heard from two drunk people who don't even know me that I'm fucking some guy at my school. Which, I'm not. I don't even know who they're talking about. Then Boy-Anthony makes insinuations about myself and my friend Cody, who I *almost* dated at one point but we're both very much over each other. I was just like "Yeahno." But that pissed me off -- he's the one doing shit with other people, and he's pissed at me? He has that little trust in me? How can you date someone you have no trust for?

I told him I would call him today. I haven't. But I should. Probably now-ish.
But, hey, I've had a good rant.

Thanks again for the comments, they really did cheer me up! :)

"Got a little crush, I just can't get enough of that stuff, it's such a rush!"

It's Thursday now. We know what that means! PRETTY PEOPLE!!
This hottastical man is (like you couldn't tell from the picture) Pete Ross. Gay porn star, flight attendant, photographer, rock god, blogger, homosexual. He's got a whole lotta roles to fill, and he does them all admirably.

And some of you might be like "porn star, skeevy!" but really....is it? They use condoms in almost all the movies these days (Pete uses them in all of his, unless I've missed something...), they get tested, and more than that? Like any celebrity, they do things. Most porn stars show up at events like Pride Parades, or charity events. Hell, I've heard of some charity events that are basically just FOR porn stars. It's basically the same as being a famous actor, only with clothes on less of the time. No big deal.
(Well, actually, that clothes thing entirely depends on the actor. For instance, Brad Pitt at this point? Might as well be in porn. :-P)

Flight attendant? That's a hot job. The travel, the places you get to see....the activism when your boss tries to fire you for your other job? Yeah, because not only is Pete Ross a flight attendant -- he's a flight attendant who fought his own industry for their discriminating against him, and won. That is an accomplishment.

He takes pictures too. If you look at his blog (it's in my "Other Interesting Blogs" list over on the right), the last entry will take you to a photo album with plenty of his pictures. It's not say, National Geographics, but then he's not dumb enough to take pictures into a shark's mouth so I'd say that's impressive. They're better than most of the pictures I take (when I own a camera...which, not so much lately.)

If you read his blog though, you'll also find he's a fairly good writer. He has proper spelling and grammar! And also, an every-day person. And reasonably intelligent!

As for him being a rock god?
I just don't know what else you'd call it. He sings, and he's...rock god. That's all.

Oh, and in case you couldn't tell by the fact that it's the lyrics to "Crush (1980 Me)" by Darren Hayes in the title there....I am still listening pretty much non-stop to Savage Garden. It's probably pretty sickening to everyone else.

"Do you wanna carve my name into a wall right next to yours inside of a heart?"

I'm sure this constant Savage Garden is wearing on my roommates nerves by now. It's been about 24 hours and I've listened to all of four songs not by Savage Garden and/or Darren Hayes. (Those songs, should you be wondering, were "The Factory Girls/Come Up To My Office" from Parade, "Out of my League" by Stephen Speaks, "Hold On" by Jim Verraros, and "All of the Above" by Big City Rock).

Anyways. The meat of what I'm going to write about today is a game. It's a game I love. I play it with myself, I play it with my friends. It's a cheer-up thing usually. I played it today as a method of procrastinating. Which is funny, because now I'm writing about it as a method of procrastinating.

The game is called "Anywhere But Here". All you really need to play is an imagination.
You think of where you are, and what you're doing or dealing with. An example? I'm in my dorm room and I am supposed to be writing two papers. Well, one paper and a conclusion to a paper I already wrote.
Then, you think of somewhere else you could be. "My friend's dorm room, watching Tristan & Isolde." You have to start realistically like that, because you need to escalate.
If you are playing with someone else, they'll say the next answer. "The MoJo Diner, eating bacon cheddar cheese fries."
Your turn (or the next player's turn). Whoever's turn it is escalates again.

Of course, the game is a little predictable. It almost inevitably ends on a tropical island with someone gorgeous. For example, I might end it with: "under this gorgeous waterfall with Tom Welling."Probably not Tom Welling. It's only because I heard someone out in the hall say something about Superman that I even thought of him. :P

"I just can't get enough of that stuff..."

One major important thing about me? My friends are absolutely, completely amazing.
Okay, maybe that's about my friends. But whatever. It's still true.

Now, moving on. The real reason for this post is that I have found the divine, cure-all medicine. I think, anyways. Since I wasn't suffering any ailments when I began "treating myself", this could all be a load of crock.

Now, when I began, I felt fine. 98% fine, I'd say. 2% blah.
So I got into my bed, laid down in an awkward yet oddly comfortable position (okay, I so, I was pretty much upside down, my feet up on the ladder, since our beds are bunked, and my head at the foot of my bed with no pillows there). I got my bag of Tostitos, my bottle of Tropicana Twister Strawberry Kiwi Cyclone and then I started playing Savage Garden.
(Product placement? Nah....)

I would say I'm about 115% fine now. That's quite a jump, especially since it surpasses 100%. Right now, I'm so fine that it's a mathematical impossibility.
...I think. I'm in the lowest level math course our college offers, so it might be completely possible, but I wouldn't know. Either way, I don't care. Because I have something no mathematician can ever have -- contentment. I'm not trying to prove Kermit's Last Theorum or whatever. I'm just listening to Darren Hayes sing what he believes in "Affirmation"...even if I do disagree with some of those beliefs.
And wonder how someone thought these lyrics would make a good song. I mean, it IS a good song but why someone would ever think of putting these words into a song is beyond me.