"I wish you were a stranger I could disengage..."

I've been doing some thought lately. I've come up with some rather poor aliases for various people involved in these thoughts as well, and I think I shall start to use them.

It's kind of put me in a foul mood lately... sometimes thinking does that.

(<---Graham on a bad day, unshaven, and giving someone the good old West Virginia.) I've been thinking about Rhode Island. I've been thinking about Arcadia. I've been thinking about school. I've been thinking about Boy-Sheetz (the boy I met last Saturday). I've been thinking about monogomy. I've been thinking about clothes. I've been thinking entirely too much.

As far as Rhode Island goes...I'm a little more at-ease. I just talked to my good friend Sundance, finally. He says he hasn't heard from anyone from this summer lately either. I know at least Business-Man and Crazy-Man are alive thanks to MySpace, so that's nice. In the meantime, however, I'm still hung up on a boy (Boy-Dancer) who, for some reason, neither answers his phone or returns phone calls. I also know that there's some kind of drama going down, and I do not know the details. So I'm still concerned, very concerned even. And I am at a complete loss for what to do about it. Any thoughts?

In a way this all leads into the thoughts about Boy-Sheetz. I'm actually, and this is terrible and I feel like the most awful human being, not really that into him. Definitely not as into him as he is into me. I mean, don't get me wrong -- he's cute, he's nice, he makes me smile. All good qualities in a boyfriend. But I feel like we've jumped the gun here -- going home from the club together to boyfriends is skipping a couple steps, isn't it? Also, I honestly don't know if I feel like I want monogamy right now.
No, that's wrong. I do want monogamy, I just want it with someone who doesn't want it with me -- Boy-Dancer. Dilemma!! So what I need now is a nice, easy-let-down for Boy-Sheetz. I'm thinking "I just don't think I'm in a good place to be in a relationship right now" is probably my best bet, and it is even the truth!

Then we get to Arcadia and to school. I remember when I enjoyed college. I even didn't mind that the theater department owned my soul.
Now, at this point, I am spending entire nights, when I should be doing work for my classes (which I'm actually struggling in) in the theater so I can say "Yes, sir." three or four times. And I can't even act those lines because every time I make some kind of character choice, DirectorSev tells me I'm wrong. "You're old!" he says -- to which I respond, "Not according to the script." But, y'know, Stoppard only wrote it what did he know...
And what they seem to have in mind for my hair and such? Do they realize I'm a butler from 1809 in a wealthy enough household that Lord Byron stayed there, that they could afford to have frequent hunting trips and a private tutor and have their garden entirely relandscaped? What they are having me look like is woefully inaccurate, and it makes me cringe. The entire show is making my cringe at this point. And more than that -- it's making my grades suffer. I am writing this now because I have just finished a project I could have spent all weekend on instead of all Sunday night if my weekend (during the day, I have way more trouble concentrating at night, although I forced myself into it tonight) hadn't been utterly monopolized by the theater department.

As far as clothes go...the fact is, I need more money. All of my jeans are 28/30, and I'm a 26/30, but you can't find those affordably anywhere. So the answer is clearly that I must be rich as quickly as I can.