Monday Memories: Closets are for Clothes

In honor of my friend Johnna's friend, the Mad Brown Samosa, who just came out and is having kind of a rough time of it...I'm going to share my coming out story. Those of you who are 'mos and are out are welcome and even encouraged to share your coming out stories in the comments. Those of you who are not are welcome and encouraged to comment as well, because comments make me happy.

I had been "questioning" (GLBTQ) for a few months, and I had started dating my first boyfriend. My parents knew none of this, since I was starting college. I decided I had to come out to them, for my boyfriend's sake.
I went home for Thanksgiving break, determined that I would do it in person. I went home with resolve. I knew I couldn't do it at Thanksgiving dinner -- how melodramatic! So I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And stayed up the last night of that break to write a very nice letter about how appreciative I was of college. I threw in "And I've discovered that I'm attracted to men!" in there, and then continued going on and on about how much I love college. I left it on a table as I ran out the door to get the train station. Totally chickened out of that one.

I am on the train from Philly to school, when my cell phone rings. I look at the Caller ID.

"Home" it says ominously. I swallowed hard and answered.

"Hello?" I said in my best innocent voice.

"Hi Gray!" Mom said -- Gray is my family's nickname for me, no one else uses it nor is anyone else allowed to. I won't answer, I promise you. "I got your note!"

"Oh," I said.

"And I showed it to your dad."

"Oh."

"And your grandmother."

"Oh, what did she say?"

"Well, none of us were surprised."

Thanks, ma. Nobody coulda clued me in??? I am always the last to know these things, right?

So we started to discuss everyone's reactions. "I'm okay," she said, "But I'm sad because it's so much harder for people who aren't straight to lead happy lives."
Way to slap me in the face, Ma.

"Your dad said he was okay with it, but...."

It's at this point that I remember something: Dad may be an actor but he's also a Republican. We don't discuss politics in my family for this exact reason, and that lack of discussion is what made me forget!

"...but, he says he doesn't agree with it, politically."

I kind of exploded. On the one hand, Dad had correctly figured out that this hadn't changed anything -- I still didn't want to have kids and I still wanted to get married. On the other hand, Dad had also realized his political party didn't support me -- and he was choosing them. "But it's not a political issue when your son is--" I stopped. I was on a train and I seriously didn't want to get lynched.

Mom interrupted me though, so it was okay. "And I showed your letter your grandmother."

"And...?"

"Oh, she wasn't surprised."

I have this image of my grandmother reading it and going "Yeah, and...?" This is the woman who saw my "An awkward meaning beats a boring night" shirt and giggling and nodding. Nothing phases her, I'm not even kidding. So I reply, "Good. Okay."

"Your father and I started talking about the gay people that we know," Mom continues. She starts to describe how she and my dad were, basically, arguing over who knew more gay people and whether or not the gay people they knew were happy. My parents frequently disagree but I have never really seen them argue, so this really got me spooked.

All in all though, my coming out was a pretty decent experience. I'm one of the lucky ones.