"If in heaven you don't excel, you can always party down in hell!"

I know usually I do Cyanide & Happiness on Wednesday, but since I've been bad since Sunday, I'm going to tell you everything that's going on.

Firstly, I'd like to say the musical The Wild Party seems to have the best songs for exhibiting my philosophies about life. You should definitely check it out.

So, anyways, Monday I worked at Abercrombie & Fitch. It was lots of fun -- especially since RGIS was coming in to do inventory. Woot. Woot. So we had to refold everything, absolutely everything, in the store so that the tag stuck out. And we had to keep it all orderly. And, oh yeah, they closed the stockroom several hours before the end of the day so we could no longer restock the floor or help customers find anything that wasn't out. It was kind of a rough day. But I enjoyed it. I do love working for that company.
Also, one of my partners-in-crime, Hannah, showed up to get her job back now that school is over. So, that was exciting. Soon the dynamic duo of Hannaham will be back in action. I just made up that Hannaham name just now.

Now, I don't know if any of you have been in any A&Fs lately but this season's posters are so hot. Lots of "almost kisses", and for people who love to see kisses, like myself, that's very cool. Even if the posters are also (mostly) very hetero.
(The picture above is not a poster from this season. He's got too much clothes on for that.)

I did not go out Monday night because I had the pleasure of opening the store Tuesday morning. I worked all day, but it wasn't too bad. I fixed the damn jean walls, I steamed, I restocked the floor using the USR sheets, I folded clearance (I'm always folding clearance -- if you are ever in an A&F looking at clearance do me a favor and do not carelessly root through the piles and make a mess on the table. That's okay in Hollister, but not in A&F!)

I got off work, went home, ate, napped, then woke up and got ready to go to class (which included wolfing down a too-hot frozen dinner in five minutes). My first night class. Ever. Some of you know that I am taking a class in Italian this summer -- this was it. My first one.
And I was fifteen minutes late thanks to a massive traffic jam caused by a car breaking down in the middle lane of I-95, during the already horrendous rush hour traffic! Of course, I was driving in the middle lane. Total shitshow, I'm telling you.

So, I parked in the Civic Center parking garage. I had, in my panic of being late, forgotten that students are supposed to park in the Convention Center parking garage. They both start with C, I was frazzled, I made a mistake. We'll get back to that little drama later.

Anyways, went to class, it was fine. I wasn't the only one late as I wasn't the only one who took I-95. I am far ahead of the rest of the class, but I am pretending I'm not too far ahead so she doesn't make an example of me too often. We went quickly though. Unfortch, she said we were going to be stopping just before future tense. Which means we'll cover the tenses I pretty much remember and it will all be review, except for the vocab. Mostly though, it'll be an easy four credits and it'll cover my Modern Language requirement for Core Curriculum; and that's what I need.

So, I stopped by Club Energy which is right across the street from the club. I said hi to Jaymes, who works there and who I know. I asked if anyone else I knew was there (namely Ivan) but apparently Ivan gets off work at 9 there on Tuesdays. So I will go to class early from now on, so I can stop in and say hi to Ivan. I will have to figure out where he's partying these days and when too. He always goes to the best parties.

So I continued on my way back to parking garage. And discovered that it was closing. Like, had one door open and it was only an exit. So I hurried to my car, and drove to the exit. And then I realized my mistake. And looked at the prices. And didn't have enough to pay. So I'm panicking, and I explain the situation to the guy at the gate.
And he goes "Give me your ticket." So I did. And he punches something into his computer and then he says, "Have a nice day." And the gate opens and I'm free!

So of course, then I went to Club XL. I tipped one dancer, Antonio, who is the hottest one there (and that means a lot coming from me!). He's cool and we kind of befriended each other, so that was awesome. I mean, we'll get closer.
Especially considering what happened next. I'm discussing with Pot Pie the need for me to get a night job for extra cash, and how I'm uncomfortable with the nudity at XL but how I'm not great with mixing drinks which I would need to do at Mirabar.
So he suggests I work at a shotboy at XL. So at the end of the night, we go to Scott (who owns the place) and he explains that I'd like a job. Scott goes "I have four people looking for the shotboy job, but come in Sunday after 9 o'clock and audition. Wear cute and tight underwear."
So now I'm auditioning to be a dancer at Club XL on Sunday night. And I'm so nervous.

"When the music's all you got..."

It occurs to me, I still haven't documented my weekend from like...two weekends ago...on this blog.

Oh well, guess it's gone for good. :-P When I'm famous, it will be known as "the Lost Weekend" and anyone who can give the tabloids details about it will get paid handsomely...even though it was nothing extraordinary.

Last night I went out for the first time this summer. I decided to visit the strip club I am debating working at this summer: Club XL (or Trixx@XL as its sometimes called). Everyone was so excited to see me. Before I even got in the club, my friend Pat (more affectionately known as Pot Pie) sees me and goes "Nuh uh. No way. Look who it is!" and comes tearing down the handicap ramp (not even slowing down at the corners) and gave me a hug. At which point he said, "I'm getting better at the corners." (And I just discovered this blog of theirs!)

Anyways, so I go in and this drag queen I never saw before starts talking to me. Her name turned out to be Brandy and she was pretty cool for a drag queen.

Then Sweet -- one of the dancers there who I know (he's the dark haired one on the flyer on their opening page if you go to the website) sees me and goes "Oh my God! It's Grahamburger! It's fucking Grahamburger!" and gives me a hug and picks me up and swings me around.

At this point, Pot Pie points out that there's a ton of new dancers. Some of them are attractive. Some of them are not. ONE of them actually dances (and my God he's gorgeous too!! Antonio was his name or stage name).

Anyways, Sweet drags me around the club until we find JR (the blond guy on the front page and the guy in the very first picture on their blog!) and JR gets all excited to see me too, gives me a hug. It was exciting to see that they actually missed me. :)

Next I ran into Taylor, another dancer who I know. Then an old guy started hitting on me. Now, this isn't unusual. He told me I should work there, blah-blah-blah. He starts asking what I look for in a guy. I describe my perfect man -- which is totally not him and since I haven't looked at this guy once, you'd think he'd get that I'm not interested. Not so! This man is persistent and ballsy. He asked if he could take me to see the new Pirates movie when it comes out. You're kidding, right? So I said I was planning to see it with my family. Which is true, but it a nice way of letting him down.

Then DJ, another dancer who I know, came in. So that was exciting. He and I chatted a bit, he's a singer really and apparently that is taking him places -- soon! So he, like many Rhode Islanders I know have lately, is going to Florida. Sad face for me, but exciting news for him!

Anyways, to get away from the old guy, I sat down and started talking to some girls that were there. Trish and Sandy. So. Much. Fun. I can't get over it, I'm like in love with these girls. We were talking and they encouraged to me think about working at either XL or Mirabar as a dancer. Mirabar wouldn't have the nudity thing, which I'm nervous about, but I only know one person who works there so I wouldn't feel quite as...you know, safe. Then again, I didn't know anybody working at XS when I started there...

I had an idea that's very off-the-wall when I woke up this morning though. A freelance group of go-go dancers and strippers? Like, obviously we would have to have regular gigs at clubs like XS, Mirabar, or XL but couldn't we get hired out to other clubs for special events? I don't even know if that's a legitimate idea. But it does have exciting television series written all over it. :-P