Birthdays abound!

I have celebrated so much birthdays lately! It's making me even more excited for mine!

Amanda's birthday was Friday so we went out to XS on Thursday and went down to Town on Friday to celebrate. Amanda, Jeff, Cody, Michael, and I went down to DC with Brendan. Coincidentally, my friend Aaron has been celebrating his birthday as well (which was Wednesday) in the same locations. To surprise Amanda, Brighid and Tyler came down to DC. She loved it. (I'll let you all imagine the things going on in my head.) Town was actually really awkward and uncomfortable for me until I decided to bail on the people I came with and hang out almost exclusively with Alphonso. I guess I should have taken three Percocets instead of just two. (The third one for the high and not the pain relief -- although I got jostled a lot and that was not fun either.)

So, this week has been overall, quite enjoyable because, honestly, karma's a raging bitch on PMS and she is kicking everybody's asses. I know it's sick, but I love it. There's been several examples of this, most of which I'm not going to get into because I know that won't end well.

First -- and probably my favorite -- who remembers Anthony? My ex who cheated on me, on my campus after just a couple weeks? Saw him -- didn't recognize him, he looks reminiscent of a hobo at the moment -- and he proceeded to tell me, as if I would be sympathetic, that his ex cheated on him. With a girl. Actually, the situation it seems was very Kat-esque in that the girl was in the picture the whole time, and Anthony was unknowingly the "other man".
Love. My. Life.

There is another karmic incident that you will no doubt be interested in, but at present I can't.

My least favorite of these incidents is actually a realization that I totally had my own karmic kickback (that doesn't seem to be over yet). I'm not going to get into too much, because the boy in question does read this blog. (Or did...given his (what I've interpreted as) distant and strange behavior over the past couple days, I'm not going to make any attempts to predict anything he does.) Suffice to say, I was an asshole and I had the whole thing with Michael coming to me, totally earned. Not sure I've earned all of the treatment I've been getting but...oh well. I've been told by multiple people I just need to let "it" blow over for a few days. No clue was "it" is, of course. And I'd rather have "it" get talked about than have "it" lying under the surface of our friendship waiting for an opportunity to boil to the surface and cause even more trouble later.

Now, for the final point of this entry...Jeff, Adam Brody is this guy:And whether or not you agree with me, you definitely look like the love child of Adam Brody and Orlando Bloom.

Hindsight is 20/20...

I'm as I write this, in process of getting ready for the show/in the show but offstage. It may be a little disjointed, as thus.

So, given some time to distance me from last night I can see a few spots where I was a little unreasonable. That doesn't mean I'm not still feeling done, and furious with most of the parties involved...however, I do owe some apologies and while those have been made to the individuals they should be expressed to, I feel like I should put them up here as well.

There was a lot, of my last post especially, that was not cool. Okay, I was still angry when I wrote it. That is not, however, an excuse for some of what I wrote. Yes, it was my perspective and it was (mostly) events that happened in my life. Still, I was offensive in the post and for that I apologize. I did share details that didn't need to come into play in the blog post. That was rotten of me, and I apologize for that as well.
Also, I should have asked for clarification, I suppose, on Michael's final text message. It did seem pretty clear to me, but Michael does state -- because yes, we talked a little today. As it turns out, he meant his final text as more of a "it's 3 am, I'm going to bed" kind of way.
And yes, I talked to Tyler a little today as well. Not in a "let's repair our friendship" kind of way, but more of a "this is what happened, this is how I feel about it" kind of way. It's a start, I suppose.

And ps, subtle hint, I'd still like answers to any and all unanswered questions. Hopefully, I'll talk to ya'll later.

The things you say....you're unbelievable

Well, the boy drama has finally come to a head and is absolutely, for real, finally finished now. I'm going to write all about it -- from my perspective of course (and those involved are more than welcome to leave comments with their versions written out should they so choose). I realize this is the sort of post that tends to get me in trouble with people, but you know what? I officially don't care. :)

Last night, Tyler and I had a long conversation because I had been hearing things that went absolutely against the things he had been telling me about the whole situation that had arisen around Michael. He had been assuring me that he and Michael would just be friends, and I was hearing from multiple sources that he kept saying how unfair I was being and how impossible what I was asking was.
Now, I have trust issues and he knows that. So I told him that Thursday night as XS he would be given the chance to SHOW me that he and Michael were just friends. I told him they could not make out, all kissing (period) should remain on the cheeks -- if there had to be any. I told him I didn't want them to be alone for long periods of time. Maybe I was being unfair, but as I said to Tyler, who in this whole situation has been being fair to me either?
(Of course, Tyler insisted that he'd been fair since the very beginning but...you know, I didn't quite see it that way and he didn't really give any examples of that.)

So we were fine. We even went shopping together today. (And by shopping, I mean, I drove him so he could buy a shirt.) I also planned to drive him to his orientation for his summer job on Sunday (which I will still do unless he decides he wants another ride. I don't back down on things I say I'll do, even if shit has hit the fan and things suck ass.)

So, we get to XS tonight -- Amanda, Brighid, Tyler, and I. We meet up with a few of our friends and of course run into some by surprise (though Dylan -- who is straight -- was totally the biggest surprise of all! But yay for him being there!) Of course, Michael was there. And as soon as he joined our group, he and Tyler were basically attached at the hip. Which I didn't take issue with. Nor did I take issue with their almost constant dancing together or little bit more than friendly hand placement while doing so. (Okay, I'm kinda kidding -- I only noted hand placement like twice and it was not because I was watching their hands, I'm not that obsessive.) The first time the two disappeared off together, I was a little concerned. Especially because they took off, not like we left them. But I let it slide.
The second time they were alone together, I let it slide -- though not as easily.
The third time they took off to be alone, I was a lot less comfortable. Especially because it lasted much much longer than the other times -- around a half hour. On one occassion, when I was going to talk to Dylan, I passed by the room. I glanced in at the two of them on the couch -- of course. To my dismay, Tyler looked like he was moving away from Michael. Both had their hands raised, Michael's bent over his head. Tyler was in the middle of lowering his from what looked like the same position. To me that body language read: "We just made out!"

I fully intended to confront Tyler about this once the club closed. No such luck, as he found out rather quickly that I was upset. He exploded at me, denying that they had made out and claiming he'd done nothing wrong. That may be the truth, but here's the question:
If you knew you had a good friendship that was basically resting on one night, would you or would you not make an effort to keep that friendship?
Cause I wasn't seeing any effort on his part. Honestly, and I told Tyler this, if he'd asked me to lay off of a guy that I liked and who liked me, I would have. Without any hesitation. Isn't that part of being someone's best friend?

I texted Michael following this and apologized, saying that I had wanted to avoid it all that night. Truthfully, I had. He replied with a texting say he was too old for high school drama bullshit. (Which, while quite valid, was a tiny bit funny because Brendan mentioned that Michael's also been talking to a high school senior.) I said that I knew he was, and apologized again, and then -- finally working up the nerve, or possibly being royally pissed off enough -- I asked him if I could ask him a few questions before he never spoke to me again. For a long while there was no answer, so I sent another text that said I guessed that meant no and I hoped he had a good night. Then I got a reply: "What do you want to know?"
I narrowed my list of questions I didn't have enough spine to ask down to two: "Why don't you answer Amanda's texts?" and "What did I do, if anything, to make you stop being interested?" I clarified that the second question was merely for the sake of self-improvement -- although I expected that closure would help in the moving on process.
His response was that Amanda had only texted him once (though he'd never answered and she'd assumed this was a hint.) Then he said, and I'm quoting this directly from my phone: "secondly why the fuck are you so determined to control everyone's lives? its super irritating and im done with it"
Well, thanks, Michael, but I really didn't feel like I was controlling you before this Tyler thing arose (and even then, I was only trying to control one thing about one aspect of Tyler's life because it affected my life). So I asked for clarification: "How was i trying to control your life?"
His response: "Enough..i would prefer if we didnt talk for a while" Yeah, he's a charmer.
Frustrated, upset, and now even more pissed because I was being dropped by Michael again, I sent what may have been one of my meanest text messages ever. Possibly uncalled for, and I should probably apologize for it later, but it legit did make me feel better: "Don't answer. Nice of you to still leave me hanging. That does seem to be something you're good at. Have a good however long a while is then. Bye."

Bottom line is: I don't give a rat's ass anymore and those two can do whatever they want. I'm done with them both.

I don't know what I would do without this blog. I'm so much calmer right now, having written this all out, that I can even imagine sleeping tonight!!

"Do you understand a case like this can break you?"

The Next Best Thing is, in many ways, a seriously wise movie. (The title there is a line from it.)

I'm gonna start with the drama so you can get the amaaaaaaazing news to end the post.
The Michael stuff wasn't over Thursday night. I'm mean, it's all okay now, it's been dealt with and everyone is fine, but if I'm going to keep ya'll up to date you should know it happened.
So, Friday, Tyler and I talked about it more. I got him to agree to just be friends with Michael -- at least for now, until I move on more than I have. I also talked to Michael and he said he understood where I was coming from.

Saturday night we had the show, it was fantastic. Instead of going to the cast party, I went to American Eagle for work. We were there straight through til 6:00 am Sunday. We tried to go to the diner...we were too tired to chew, so we left after 20 minutes and I got home at 7:00 am and crashed.
I woke up at 3:00 am, logged onto Facebook and found at the very top of my newsfeed a comment from my friend Juli (who goes to school with me) to Michael. It said something along the lines of "It was great meeting you last night. I'm so glad you came up! I hope you can visit again soon."
Yes, Michael was on my campus and although there was no way I could have seen him, nobody told me. I flipped out. I called people to find out exactly what had happened, and then I called Tyler to bitch him out because from my perspective Michael had come up to see him in a boyfriendly kind of way. Keeping in mind that Michael had never suggested coming up to see me, so I was also seriously jealous as well. It was starting to seem like he really didn't want to be even friends with me -- and I said that to Michael as well.
Anyways, Ty, bless his soul, was able to calm me down. He told me they were just friends and he agreed that, in honor of them just being friends, that if Michael visited again or if he went to visit Michael they would let me know even if I wasn't invited or something. I mean, on a campus this small I'm going to find out anyways so why try to go behind my back, right?

As a side note, I've previously told Michael on more than one occassion that if I screw up he should tell me how I did so I can fix it or at least not repeat the same mistake with the next guy. (Which is wh I've told him more than once that I was playing it by ear off of him, and he should tell me where I stood (not in those exact words) so I'm going to continue trying to be his friend until he flat out tells me he doesn't want to. Though he's not doing a great job of reciprocating (he only talks to me via Myspace and/or if he knows I'm upset and it involves him, or that's how it seems) right now, I don't think he's against the idea of a friendship between us.
The point being, nobody ever really tells me why they suddenly stop being into me and this is a cycle that is no longer acceptable so I'm going to talk to other guys who've seemed interested and then suddenly or inexplicably moved on and find out why. If I'm as undateable as I seem to be, I gotta find out and fix it. That's my goal this week.

Anyways, absolutely everything's been talked about and we're fine and we shouldn't be having that drama any more! Yay!

So, because she met a guy when we went out to eat, Katie and I arranged a game night (it's a complex story, and it's hers, so I won't share it...unless she tells me tonight she wants me to, it's kind of cool so I hope she does :P). Amanda and Ty came over and we played Scene It: Disney. Then we watched The Next Best Thing.
It was all well and good, although it was mildly depressing because it made me remember that she and then there was a scene that mirrored a conversation I'd had with Michael and I was suddenly less fine. Not like I was upset, and certainly not at anyone in particular, it was just...I don't know, you guys understand right?
The conversation in the movie is as such:
Doctor: "I like you a lot."
Robert: "I like you too."
Doctor: "But this will never work." It continues on with Robert being indecisive.
The conversation with Michael, as I remember it, was as such:
Me: "I like you a lot."
Michael: "I like you too."
Me: "It's too bad it won't work, I live to far away."
Michael: "It might."
Hate to say I called it, but....that was me, calling it.

Anyways, so I poured myself a cup of rum with a splash of Coke and got unwisely drunk (fortunately, nobody gave in to my urge to go commit delinquent behavior). As I drank said drink, Tyler talked to me about texts he and Michael were sending back and forth -- which I definitely appreciated. Definitely a step in the right direction. Even if it made me kind of wonder what happened to way back when Michael and I used to talk about the things that bothered him. Which then made me feel obsessive and pathetic, so I quickly pushed those thoughts to the side and contemplated what noises aluminum bats would make against those vandal proof mailboxes. Like I said, I was really urging for delinquent behavior. It wasn't good, but the others kept me from acting on those urges without much difficulty.

The amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing news is, however, that I think I'm getting two roomies (one of whom is the fabulous Aubree of A&F fame :P) next year and we're getting a three bedroom apartment and the ones we're thinking of looking at are gorgeous and (hopefully) affordable! So, all in all, things are definitely looking up!

"There were times when I wanted to hurt you, and there were times when I know that I did"

Things get crazier here all of the time. Since the last time I updated, a lot has happened, so I'm going to breeze through all of that and then talk about what's really on my mind right now.

Thursday, a large group of my friends went to XS. It was fun.

Friday was a party with friends from school, but Beau came with Katie and I too. The cutie charmed the socks right off everyone, myself included! There's some pictures, but to protect the innocent I'm not gonna share. :P It was themed to be "Something That Happened on the Day of Your Birth". If you could, you were supposed to dress as whatever event you chose. Katie, Beau, and I all failed to dress as an event, but at least we had looked up our birth dates to find one to comment on. I chose two: the birth of a straight female porn star and Madonna being on the cover of Cosmopolitan.

Saturday, I hung out with Beau some more and then he headed out. Then I joined up with Cody and Aaron and we headed to Jeffy's and then a whole gaggle of us headed over to Philadelphia to party at XII Air Command for Charlie's 17th birthday -- cause it's 17+ on Saturdays. I met a guy there, he works the door and his name is Drew and he's got beautiful lips. I mean, there's no chance of it going anywhere because how often am I in Philadelphia? Never, right? Right.

I got back at 4 in the morning, slept like log (for once!) and went to rehearsal. I was there most of the day Sunday. And much of Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. Yay tech week!

Last night, The Diary of Anne Frank opened. It was great.
Afterwards, Amanda and Tyler and Brighid and I went to XS. My hair was still white. Tons of people were there, all abuzz with tons of gossip about topics I won't get into because it doesn't concern me but let's just say someone in our little circle of friends is making headlines, unfortunately not in a happy way. Michael was also there. And, surprise surprise, that's what I want to talk about.
After Easter weekend, Michael basically disappeared. I know that he and I talked about how nothing was likely to happen until we had graduated, but he wasn't answering texts or anything and we had talked about hanging out at least one more time. I was a little put off but more than that I was concerned. Finally, I messaged him on Myspace and he answered and explained that he'd just been really busy. Makes sense, I have been too.
Further lack of communication until I message him on Myspace inviting him to Wednesday's preview show. He declines, politely, but does inquire as to whether or not I will be at XS on Thursday.
So, lo and behold, he's there, I'm there...and Tyler's there. And Michael is like absorbed in Tyler, and Tyler is of course seeming to be interested in Michael, because how could you not be?
Brendan tells me that Michael's been talking to some high school senior (which seems to be a recurring theme for me). That's fine. What I'm not yet okay with is flirtation between Michael and one of my best friends.
Of course, unbeknownst to me, the two have been talking on Myspace for a couple of weeks. Why Tyler didn't tell me, I don't understand. But we talked about it today, and Ty and I are fine. Ish.
I explained that to Tyler, who was trying to respect that. I tried to tell Michael, but I just could not work up the balls to pull him aside and say anything. I sent him a text message this morning explaining why I'd been upset and apologizing if I'd been bitchy.
He called me that afternoon from work, said hi, asked how my day was. We chatted a little bit. He said "I got your text, I'm sorry I didn't answer. It's been a busy day." I apologized once more for being weird and he told me it was okay, it was totally understandable. Then he said he had a customer and he would call me back in a little while. There has still been no phone call from him.

Talking to friends has not made me any less upset or at all happier about the situation. Everyone seems to think I'm reacting reasonably here. Chloe, however, says that by apologizing I'm giving him power he shouldn't have. The cast of Anne Frank seems to think that the purpose of his phone call this afternoon was just to be a dick.
Somehow, I just can't find fault in the boy. I mean, I try because blaming myself for feeling and acting like this truly sucks. I call him "asshole" and "dickwad" and "jerkface" and raise my voice and shake my fist and occasionally hit things, but I've never felt like he deserved any of that. Is that weird?

I'm trying really hard to move on, or at least manage to put my feelings on hold and behave like a sane and rational person. I'm genuinely happy for him if he's got this other boy that I don't know and hopefully will never meet. That's great! And I could see him flirt with almost anyone and be fine -- so I'm making progress. But it still stings to see him flirting with my best friends.

What's worse, and what makes less sense, is how much trouble I have talking to him now. It's so awkward. I have hundreds of things I think of to say and ask. I want to hear him tell me every detail of his day, I want to know where he goes, what he does, who he talks to -- everything. I want to see his smile (I won't lie, the main reason he's still on my top friends on Myspace is because that means I get to see that smile whenever I log on); I want to make him smile. I'm seriously crushing hard, and it's totally ridiculous because I spent less than a week hanging out with him or talking to him. And in that week we talked about everything...now all that comes out of my mouth, if anything is "What's up?" and there's so much more going on in my head that for some reason I can articulate at all.

I'm figuring a few more rounds of John Tucker Must Die this week -- since I don't have rehearsal -- and a lot of chocolate and ice cream and I should be absolutely okay again. God I hope so.

"The rescue you've got planned must be aborted"

I've got a lot to talk about today, so bear with me.

Firstly, let's talk about boys. (Let me just say, the following has nothing actually to do with Michael, it's more about my issues with past experiences I've had.)
See, Michael is probably going to visit a friend in upstate New York for his spring break this week. Even though it means another desolate and Michael-less week (:P), I really hope he goes cause what it spring break if you don't travel somewhere, right?
But then, on the other hand...I have deja-ed this vu before. See, this is how it goes. I'm into boy, boy seems into me. Boy goes to visit friend who he may or may not be already somewhat interested in. Boy comes back with boyfriend. I decide to still be friends, and I end up being the friend who hears every rant and rave about this long distance relationship until it inevitably falls apart. By this point, I'm just a really good, perpetually single friend and there's no romantic feelings whatsoever.
So, basically, according to the legal definition of insanity, I'm totally nutters. It's okay, whatever happens, I'm happy, no regrets. And it's not like I don't have some amazing friends I've made from failing to date. It's a grand tradition, and I might go so far as to say I will almost be disappointed when it ends. :P

Now, the important thing is...last night was frikkin' INSANE. The theme? Dancing. Most specifically, lap dancing. Who was I with, you wonder?
My straight guy friends. Oh yeah. There were quite a few memorable events. I gave Tommy a massage, which he enjoyed but probably not as much as he would have if I'd been even close to sober. (Then again, would I have given Tommy a massage if he'd been even close to sober? Or would he have let me if either one of us had been even close to sober? Probably not.) Jake disappeared for a few minutes at one point, and then emerged from his room wearing a beater...he proceeded to dance around the room and tweak his nipples, until he ended up giving me a lap dance and ripping open his shirt. The worst part of this was, of course, that we then ended up falling off the couch so that his legs were in the air and I was behind him just when Tommy came back in the room. Somehow we got on the topic of their roomie Mike, and Jake decided I was dating him. I called him "boyfriend" for the rest of the night, and used the fact that we were together as a reason why we didn't have to be peer pressured into the lap dances and massages that everyone else was being forced into. "He's getting one later, when ya'll are asleep!"
Soon we headed to the school's St. Patty's Day dance where we had a blast but all of us got totally separated and ended up leaving at separate times.

Prior to hanging out with them, by the way, I went and saw the opera Katie has been stage managing. It is new, written b a professor at our school, and called Las Madres de la Plaza. It's about the Argentinian Genocide, and it's seriously moving although I think it needs more work before it is presented elsewhere.

Here's some fun news for anybody interested in what's going on in the porn world: The Grabby Porn Awards nominations have been leaked! A lot of our favorites over at this blog have been nominated! (Cause I have good taste :P) Good luck to all my favorite porn stars!!

It ain't over til....

I have my cell phone charger back.

Let me detail to you yesterdays extravaganza o' pain.

So, I spent several hours of the day awaiting a response from Michael about if I could go down and get my charger from him. In the mean time, Damon called me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I agreed to, and we ended up watching Little Miss Sunshine.

Before I got to Damon's, Michael called and we agreed on a time to meet and we chatted a bit. He told me all about his weekend, it was actually pretty exciting with lots of people. Not at all like my snoozefest. :P

Michael got out of work at 7:30 and I had rehearsal at 8:00 so it was obvious I would have to go down after rehearsal. I was okay with that, so was he. So I went to rehearsal and, ultimately, it was intensely frustrating and sucky. Having been away from the production for a week, and having to be off-book for Act II...it was rough. So I was already stressed when I left for Maryland.

And then I got a text from Katie. She'd been saying that her foot and ankle hurt for about a week, and I kept telling her to see a doctor. (Neither one of us are good about seeing doctors in a timely manner.) The text said "Hey I am going to the ER with Kayla to get my foot looked at after rehearsal be back way late". So, that didn't help me be less stressed, because of course I was anxious to find out what happened to her foot.

So I get to Michael's place, and come to let me through the gates comes not just Michael, but also his friend Allison, and another guy. Turns out, the guy is a character from Michael's weekend, so I've heard of him -- and, surprise surprise, seems like he's into Michael. (Can you blame him? :P) Michael's roomie and his roomie's boyfriend were also there. That's a whole mess of people for me to unexpectedly have to deal with when I was stressed and kinda wanting to just be totally relaxed.

So, I get my charger, and Michael cracks a joke about how I "accidentally on purpose" left it there. So I reply, just as smarmily, "Well, if that's what you think I'll just leave right now."
I had both locks unlocked and the door creaking open before he poked his head out towards the door and said, "Wait, are you really leaving?" I was all prepared to if he hadn't stopped me.

The group of us watched TV, and ate. And I was feeling more stressed as time went on, especially not having heard from Katie. So, at about 12:30 I announced that I needed to leave. Michael gave me a sort of sad puppy dog face which totally made me want to melt and stay and asked if I was sure.
Of course, I'd not mentioned to him about Katie. Why make him worry when he's got all these friends around, right? So I just assured him that it was for the best. He gave me what is quite possibly the best hug I ever had and asked if he'd see me soon, to which I reply "Mmhmm." He instructed me to text him when I got home, and soon I was on my way.
When I got home, I sent him a text saying "I'm home" and he sent the sweetest reply: "Glad you made it home safe, I'm sad you had to leave..."
Which was definitely enough to make me regret leaving, but considering what happened next there was really no other way it could have worked out.

Katie called just after that, on her way home from the hospital. She was diagnosed with a sprained ankle and the possibility of a hairline fracture in her foot. I helped her bring things in from her van, set about making her lunch for work, and getting her set up as a cripple at home.

And just as I was going to bed, Michael sent me another cute text where he came up with a brand new pun from my name -- Mammo-Graham. I'm hoping it doesn't catch on the way some others have. :P

This morning I woke up bright and early and drove her to her first day at her new temp job in Harrisburg -- at the capitol building, during rush hour. I returned to campus, went to class, went to my next class, went to my third class, picked up Katie, dropped her at the apartment and went to a meeting, followed by another meeting, followed by rehearsal. Needless to say, I'm exhausted.

"Stop what you're doing, you don't want to ruin..."

I have spent the better part of the past twenty-four hours in a panic. Armaggeddon happened, but I seem to be okay.

You see, I discovered that my phone charger went missing. My phone's battery only lasts a couple of days -- way shorter than the life of a normal cell phone's battery. It was a non-issue, until now. So I searched and searched the apartment, and my car, and I am 99% sure it is not here. I am pretty sure I didn't leave it at Brendan's -- where I charged it on Wednesday before I went to Michael's. The only thing I can think is that maybe it fell out of my stuff at Michael's and that I left it there?

Today, I went hunting for a second job -- the mall was packed though, I'm going back tomorrow so I can do it without interrupting business. I'm thinking Starbucks, Seattle's Best Coffee, Ann Taylor Loft or maybe Dakota Watch Company. Anyways, while I was there I mentioned my phone situation to my friend Sherea and she suggested I seek out Damon at his job at the Verizon store not too far away.
So I did.

And Damon is my hero. I have a new battery which, so far, is holding up much better than the old one. I also mentioned my desire to purchase a car charger later, and he's going to help me out with that on Tuesday -- inexpensively I might add. Friends in high places, guys! I like never see him anymore so we also got to catch up a little bit. A good time was had in the Verizon store today.
On Tuesday, I should also see about getting wires so I can upload things from my phone to my computer, because I don't think it came with them.

Anyways, I texted Michael and he said he'd look for it after he gets home from work. He's the bestest, isn't he? I'm hoping he'll find it and I can go down and get it tonight. Note to self though: if given the invitation, I should probably resist spending more than the five minutes it will take to get my charger with him -- just for this whole "I need to accept that we've had our thing and move on" process.

"As the world spins around her, she laughs, rolls her eyes"

So, I might be done with Club XS for a while. I haven't fully made up my mind yet. I'll explain why in a bit, but first, I figured I'd share what I'm pretty sure is the definitive conclusion to the Michael Saga (an epic tale of Graham finally liking someone who isn't a total jackass.)

So, as we knew was going to happen, Michael was at XS last night. He picked up Jason on his way, so the two of them came together. Not that kind of together, I guess, although they were barely away from each other's side and totally flirting -- but, the cool thing? Even though I saw this, I was okay!
Besides, you can't blame anyone for flirting with Michael (and it's hard to blame people for flirting with Jason too, I suppose). Michael was wearing his green t-shirt that says "single" on it (you've all seen people wearing it, I'm sure) so it's not like there was a hands-off vibe either. :P Still, there was a marked less-interested vibe I was getting from Michael (and in case you're wondering where I go that idea from, he said "It was good seeing you again" when we were saying bye -- never a good sign :P). Not that that's a bad thing, I'd rather have that than a "I'm totally into you" vibe and then never see him again, right? Of course right.

Anyways, moving on to Club XS...
So, a large part of the whole financial ruin thing going on in my life (and this is by far not the only reason for it, but it's a major contributing factor) is that they didn't let me know when I wasn't working there every weekend anymore. Thus, my budget for January was fucked up because that's a substantial amount of money I wasn't getting that I was expecting to get.
But it was kinda okay, because I still wasn't paying to get in, because technically I still worked there (I was told -- when I came back and found out I wasn't working -- they might occasionally bring us back for special occasions.)
Until last night. Last night I had to pay the five bucks to get in -- which I suppose isn't a lot but it's more than I'm used to paying.

And to make matters worse, I got a ticket. XS has a small and basically useless parking lot, and apparently that is now officially the only place to park. So, hopefully they'll get the memo: time to stop spending so much money on fancy lights and guest DJs and start actually making your club better or at least make parking better.

I'm just a little irked with that whole situation.

Oh, and there's more about last night!
Guess who finally made another appearance! James did! James and Brad arrived at XS at the same time as me, and even though I can tell you I am still not over him, I was able to hear about James' boy that he met in Atlanta without feeling jealous at all!
So I'm either starting to move on, or starting to grow up. I'm not sure.

"Anyone who's ever been in love will tell you that this is no time for a chat!"

Hi. My name is Graham, and I'm a caffeine addict. It has been three minutes since my last Frappucino. But before that I didn't have caffeine for two whole days and, let me tell you, the headache I started to get today? Fucking blew.

But that's not what you're reading this for, is it? You are all dying to know more about a boy. And, trust me, I am dying to tell you.

So....I went back to Michael's apartment the other night, like I said I was going to. Soon after I got there, Allison (his friend from the night before) was there. She's very cool. We all sort of sat around and didn't do much of anything, but we had a good time. I guess there was stuff on TV we were watching, but unless it was HGTV all night I honestly don't remember what it was -- so I'm guessing if there was more than HGTV stuff it wasn't all that entertaining.
I'll tell you what I do remember though: at one point in the night, Allison and he were getting ready to go out on the balcony and smoke, and all of a sudden, quite randomly, he kissed me. Just a kiss on the lips, but it was still really, really nice. I know, I know, I'm lame. Whatever.
So, following that, Michael and I went to bed, cuddled, and slept.

In the morning, we both got ready for our days and went our separate ways, he to school and I to Brendan's. He kissed me again in the parking lot which was totally cool (especially since I'm so used to the Pennsylvania atmosphere where man-on-man PDA is a strict no-no unless you want "FAG" spray painted on the side of your car). I won't lie, I may have stopped breathing for a second at that point. Maybe.

At the end of the day we talked, and I ended up going -- surprise! -- to Michael's apartment. He and I watched Monster House and I drank -- because he doesn't like rum, and he was surprisingly and sweetly not annoyed with me being seriously tipsy (I'm a lightweight, I hate it). When we went to bed, I was totally obnoxious and couldn't shut up, so eventually I rolled over so I wouldn't see him and might fool myself into thinking I was alone and had no one to talk to. That worked, though when I woke up later in the night I was spooning with him, so I guess that started at some point.
So, this morning, we parted ways with a long hug and a kiss that -- I think -- he may have been aiming for my cheek and I was aiming for his lips. Whoops.

I'm expecting two things tonight: 1) I will not be able to sleep tonight -- alone, in my bed -- having just spent most of the past week sleeping with him in his.
2) Our little romantic and super fun fling is most likely at a close. I'm okay with that, I'm mostly glad it happened at all. I mean, if more is meant to happen, it will, right? So we'll see.

I know that he'll be at XS on Thursday, but following that I don't know when I'll see him again.

(Michael wanted me to put pictures of him up, so I got one off his Myspace.)

PS Forever ago was the last time I did this:

This Page is Rated
NC-17
graham-grahamblings.blogspot.com

And I was only PG-13 then!! I'm growing up! :P

"Outside, confidence is king"

So, Brendan has hired me for a top secret research project which pays rather well. So, that's what I'm doing right now, and as such I have been not in Pennsylvania since Sunday. I've been in Maryland at Brendan's place -- which, as I said before, is close to Michael's apartment.

So, I alerted him to my presence in his home area -- I tried to be friendly and not very flirty about it, I really am trying to tone that down and be better about, y'know, not being an idiot (I don't think this goal of mine is going very well though.)

So, anyways, last night Michael called me and we chatted, and he told me he'd read my blog (and so had Jason) and he kept subtly hinting that I should go over to his place (by saying things like "You should come over"). So, when I was finished with my work, I decided I would.
When I got there, I found it really was the happening place to be. His roomie was there, his roomie's boyfriend was there, and a female friend of Michael's was there. Death Becomes Her was on the TV.
After the movie, Michael and I hooked my laptop up to the Internet and he made me read my blog to him again. Which, ps, there's nothing like reading your blog aloud to someone who is in it to make you feel stupid. And really melodramatic. And just in general, ew.

So, I gave him a massage (he really needed it) but as we'd been, y'know, drinking, we just ended up going to sleep, cuddling, and waking up a little late.

I came back to Brendan's, showered and stuff, and went to work.
And it wasn't long before Michael invited me to lunch. I headed out to the mall where he was working, and we waited for his co-worker to show up. While we waited, Michael worked on his list of people that he's messed around with -- with my help (I named names). Not sure I get that one, but he's a boy he's supposed to be all confusing and nonsensical. That's how it works.
Anyways, so we ate at the food court, and then I headed back to work.

And now I'm done for today, and I think I'm heading back to Michael's to watch stuff on TV with him.

Craaaaaaaaaaaazy.

But your ass is saying something...

I've had a confusing weekend, I mean, emotionally speaking. (Of course, I just now realized why: guess who's having his man period! :P)

So, this week things dwindled at school as everyone geared up for our poorly timed spring break which manages to exactly not coincide with the spring break of any school I know of -- or spring, for that matter.

Anyways, I am more than relieved for several reasons to escape with my friend Amanda to XS on Thursday night. Once there, we were almost immediately introduced to Brendan's compatriots for the night. The first, Jared, is a go go boy from New York state. As far as he goes...he was quite a character, but other details about him are not particularly necessary for my stories. (Brendan would probably disagree, but then again this is my blog and I'm not going to tell Brendan's stories on it. :P) Anyways, Jared was Brendan's date for the weekend.
We were also introduced to Michael -- a tiny bit shorter than me, but gorgeous enough that I am more than willing to make an exception to my taller-is-better rule. (That makes the total number of people who are exceptions to that rule up to 3.) As we talk about the boys, I suddenly recall having briefly met Michael once before.
He had already made this connection. Once again, yours truly is the slow one. :P
Anyhow, I begin flirting with Michael. Subtly at first (well, subtly for me) but more overtly as the night went on. I know, I know, I have a problem being like relaxed when it comes to boys and I come on too strong and just, in general, completely sabotage myself. Which is too bad, because when I'm not actually interested, I'm a damn master at flirting.
But the real master of flirting -- Jason -- Michael also caught his eye. And despite the fact that Jason and I are good friends, he never lets that stop him from flirting with people. (Whereas, if I'm aware that a friend of mine is into someone, I almost always back off.) (Maybe this tiny bit of selflessness is why I never get guys and Jason never has an issue with that?)

After the club, we went to the diner. Where I sat next to Michael, we talked the whole time and shared our food. (Amanda too.) And then we shared our phone numbers -- yeah, I got a boy's phone number!

So I got back to my apartment at 4 in the morning. Slept til 6. Woke up. Brought Katie to the airport. Went back to the apartment. Slept a half hour. Went to class. Didn't have the short story read that we were discussing -- but it's okay, no one did.
As I am trying to kill time between my two classes (my class that goes in between them was canceled because the prof was already on spring break, grr) and calling people. I call Jason, with the intent of seeing if he needed a ride to Town (he was having car issues). Turns out, he needs someone to help him get his car to the shop. I volunteer. So, I head over to his place and follow him in his car to the car place, then drive him back. He gave me a birch beer (OMG I love those things, ps) and soon I was on my way back to school.
Got back just in time for my acting class. Which basically consisted of, "They wouldn't let me cancel class. I marked you all as here. Have fun on break, bye!"

So I went to my apartment. And once I'm there, I get a call from Michael wondering if I want to hang out with him after he gets off work but before we go to Brendan's to meet everyone for Town. I'm totally game, of course, so I get ready quickly and flew down to the mall he works at and met him as he got off work.
Or as he was supposed to get off work.
Fifty minutes later, we left the Nordstroms where he works and went to his apartment where we chilled, ate, and then where he got ready. We headed over to Brendan's (later than we meant to because someone couldn't decide on a shirt...:P) where we met up with Brendan, Jason, Jared and a brand new Carl. Carl is Jared's ex-boyfriend and fellow go go boy who drove down from New York. I don't get it either, to be totally honest. But he was cool.

Jason wasn't feeling well and almost didn't come to Town, but Michael kept telling him he should, so Jason gave in. I think I would've felt bad if he didn't come, since he went all the way down to Brendan's house and then he would've just driven back. Like, way to get yourself all hyped up for a party and then go home and sleep. :P But Jason came with us.

And he and Michael flirted most of the night. Meanwhile, I also flirted with Michael and sometimes it seemed like he was flirting back and other times, not so much. I can't tell with boys anymore.

So, after Town, we went back to Brendan's. Jason got himself set up to sleep on the couch as usual, as Carl and Jared and Brendan disappeared upstairs for bed. Michael and I weren't sure whether or not we were gonna sleep there or at his apartment (which is not far away). Since my car was in the mall, I couldn't up and leave but -- I'll be honest -- I was feeling pretty discouraged by the whole Jason/Michael thing and I probably would have come home and let them have at it if I'd had the option. It was a good thing I didn't have the option, cause I totally would have regretted it.

So, yeah, Michael and I cuddled (and nothing else you dirty sex-addicts) off-and-on through the night, and I don't know about him but I woke up feeling very refreshed. We got him off to work and I got my car and came home where I am now. With no idea what I'm doing between now and when I have to work tomorrow at 12.