"Beauty is Only Skin Deep...

...but ugly goes clear to the bone." I read that once, in a book called Garfield's Book of Put-Downs, Insults, and Slams, one of many books I borrowed from my brother in my teenage years. I never got it before, but it might be starting to make sense.

So, some of you may have noticed Shayerahol's comment on my last blog, and he's right I didn't make a seperate post to continue my debate with him so that's entirely my fault. I'm doing so now because I realize that's really not appropriate to have on a post about Jessee. He and I have been engaging in a debate on Alexsander's blog, but I decided that it really shouldn't be there since Alex wasn't a part of the blog and it was getting increasingly less polite (though I was trying to be nice!) I invited him to e-mail me privately, feeling he might not want to publicly humiliate himself through this argument. He's decided e-mailing is only for friends (talk to one of my ex-boyfriends though, he'll tell you otherwise. :-P) and has decided to be public about this. That's fine.
He also mentioned that no one like me would ever be friends with him. I wonder if he means college students, sane people, gay people, young people, people in general, Caucasians, or people he's ever written anything to. All of the above, maybe?

So, to recap, I'm going to explain my side of this...Shayerahol is more than welcome to explain his side in his comment. Or on his blog...if he ever gets one. (Just an aside: most people have their own blog as a place to share their opinion with the world, rather than going and leaving dissenting opinions on everyone else's blogs? Think about it. It's an especially good idea for people with ridiculously strong and highly offensive convictions....not saying names...)

So he leaves some comments on Alexsander's post about L.A. Pride, calling Prides skankfests and so-on-and-so-forth. The first comment was deleted, which of course riles up Shayerahol and he starts on about Freedom of Speech...which doesn't apply to comments on personal blogs because of that little word "personal" that's thrown in there.
Anyways, because I'm nosey, among other flaws, I replied. Realizing this was probably a mistake I said "I hate to feed the trolls but..." and, because as far as I can tell Shayerahol seeks out opportunities to claim he's being discriminated against, decided this meant I was calling him ugly by using the term troll.

Now, I want you all to pause for a second and flip the common sense switch to "on" if it's not there already. Troll, on the internet, is a term meaning someone who is trying to start an argument. "Feed the trolls" has one meaning and one meaning only, anywhere, which is to reply to an Internet troll. I've provided links to prove that. But, having pointed this out to him, he accused me of backpedaling.
(And in case anyone's wondering, when I apologized for using the word troll which he correctly reasoned was fake was fake only because I was apologizing for something I didn't do. How could it possibly have been real? I mean, I could have apologized for offending him, but, as you'll see...I think we're fairly even as far as that goes so I don't think an apology is necessary there.)

Then he made an analogy of what if Isaiah Washington said he meant a "bundle of sticks used for kindling" when he said "faggot" -- I think he might have forgotten that that's where Isaiah Washington came into this, just because he seemed to think the two of us were being compared for our opinions of the word "faggot".
(On a totally unrelated note, I don't watch Grey's Anatomy, but I think Isaiah Washington might be right about getting fired for racist reasons, but I don't really know because I'm not actually paying attention because I don't watch Grey's.)

Which is another point of our debate, actually. He's arguing that the word is, in and of itself, offensive. Which is a valid argument, I understand the reasoning behind it, I just happen to disagree. I don't think a word can be offensive on its own, the intent behind it and any actions that come with it, that's where a word becomes offensive.

Looking for further ways to claim I'm discriminatory, he has latched onto the idea that the "Cracker" in my user name is an indication that I'm a white supremacist and that there is no way at all it could possibly be related to the fact that my name is Graham and I've been called Graham Cracker, quite literally, since the day I was born. I've explained this to him several times but to not avail. Apparently, I'm racist....against myself. (Which, for the record, Shayerahol, I have never in my life heard of anyone using the word "cracker", meaning white person, proudly.)

Now, I have given him some room here. I admitted freely to being shallow -- which we all know is true. However, he seems convinced that because I think about whether or not someone is attractive, I use this to judge their character, talent, and worth and that I discriminate against ugly people. That's the furthest thing from the truth.
He looked on profile and picked out the gogo dancing -- which he's decided defines who I am -- and I admitted the job relies entirely on being pretty, and of course, manipulating people. I admitted the job was immoral, and even said I didn't care all that much. He says this makes me amoral, and honestly he can think that if he'd like. Personally, I disagree...but then, I know me and he just judges me. Aside, how immoral is it when the people who are tipping are looking for that? I'm just giving them what they want. But that's neither here nor there.
Of course, the mere fact that I am a gogo boy, even now that I have outlined all of the reaons I have for doing it (y'know, I'm a full-time student, I have a day job too, but $30,000 of medical bills and $32,000 yearly tuition, plus monthly rent now, and extracurricular activities, and I already have all the financial aid I can get...), makes me a villain. "Other college students can get by without doing it."
Uhm, no, most other college students can get by without doing it. If you're under the impression that I'm the only one, then can you explain to me why are there bumper stickers and t-shirts that say "I pole dance to pay my tuition"? Or maybe why there's books about college students who stripped to get through college? Or why no one at school is at all phased by this? Or why it's actually a pretty common night job for college students - gay and straight - to have?
Let me put it this way: unless mommy and daddy are rich, you are a full-time student with anywhere between one to four part-time jobs. One of those jobs is almost guaranteed to be a night job with tips and probably under-the-table pay.

So, his arguments have been that the gay community is shallow. I pointed out that that's actually like the whole rest of the world. He returned, basically, that we should be better than the rest of society, my question -- which has gone unanswered so far: if we seperate ourselves even more from the straight world, how are we supposed to be accepted in it?

Now, aside from his railing against the shallowness of the gay community, there's also his determination that Prides are entirely about how people look. I pointed out, going from my personal experience of Prides I've been to, three which do not fit his stereotype of a Pridefest. They are actually all of the Prides that I've been to. He replied that it was three out of zillions. Now, I have to assume that he expects me to believe he's been to zillions of Prides...which, oddly enough, I don't so his argument is a little unconvincing. I mean, why would someone who hates Prides I do believe he's judging this based off of the pictures he happens to see...but, obviously, since he reads the blogs of young, hormonally active gay boys we're going to post our favorite photos -- which generally will have our friends and people we wish were our friends-with-benefits, y'know? Not at all different from the blogs of young, hormonally active straight boys who post photos of gorgeous women whenever they have an opportunity.

Some comic relief from early in the debate, because I know some of you love comedy...I said, metaphorically, that every day was straight pride and he asked: "Do straight men behave like drugged up, drunken whores in public?" Now, I don't know how many of you have ever been out in public -- I'm assuming most of you, but it's a lot like hormones on parade. Especially at places where teenagers hang out -- malls, beaches, movie theaters, schools, coffee shops, bars, streets, CVS, parking lots....and I'm pretty sure those are not gay people. :-P

Our final point of contention is actually just a matter of opinion, so neither of us will win that argument. I happen to think Frenchie Davis needs hair. That's all I'm saying. I don't think she looks good without hair. I think she is amazingly talented.
I also think Sean van der Wilt is talented, though not as much as Frenchie. Apparently the fact that I like his music despite it's unoriginality is somehow offensive to Shayerahol. He seems to think he can't possibly be talented because a) no one's ever heard of him, and b) because he's white and pretty. Which kinda sounds like the racism and lookism Shayerahol accuses everyone else of. Hmmmm, funny about that.

The good news is, we both agree that Angelina Jolie is only where she is because she's pretty. Then again, I think most people would agree with that. I'm sure Angelina would agree with that.

In closing, I'd just like to say another one-liner I read once, this time on a website full of famous quotes: "Beauty is only skin deep. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"

(Brad, I KNOW I still owe you a Matt Damon post!! I was all set to do it, but I saw Shayerahol's comment and was like "Oh, I should do this..."
(DISCLAIMER: As usual, I stole most of the pictures from Google Image Search.)

I would love to tell you all about Pride right now, and about Friday, but I am getting ready for work.

I will just say that I had a very eventful weekend, full of surprises.......

.....one of which was that I missed Roman Heart -- again!!

Oooh, and exciting? There's gonna be pictures in my next post!!

So much going down!

Oh, this post does get a picture because it's Pride month and I can never turn down a good challenge.

Otherwise, this may be the longest, picture-less post I have ever written. However, I guarantee...not a dull moment in the whole thing. Lord knows I haven't had one.

Firstly, I'd like to let you know...I will not be working at XL. The attitude of the boss during my audition (which ended up being Tuesday) was atrocious. I hate trash-talking people on here, but I can't help it at all. The man clearly doesn't realize that without his dancers, he's getting unemployment checks every month. Not only did he treat me in a condescending, almost contemptuous way...I hung out with some of the dancers after the club closed. Okay, basically I gave them rides then went home, but whatev. I was happy to do it. They were talking about their work, of course, and it occurred to me: this is why the crowds are small there. The club delivers sexy dancers, but the best product is sexy dancers who enjoy themselves. I don't want to work at a club that isn't capable of delivering the best. I don't know what I'll do, but it was suggested by Katie that, even though I'd be a terrible waiter, I'd probably do a decent job of being a busboy. I just have to find a place to do it now. It's an insta-cash job and that's what I want.

At some point early in the week, I forget which night, Jon called and invited me over at like 3 in the morning. I went over and we talked and he microwaved some stolen leftovers from one of the restaurants he works at, which were delicious. And the dessert was this chocolate thing, and it was SOOO gooey and delicious.

So, Wednesday I went out with Grace to Mirabar. She met many of my friends, made some news ones (as did I) and was a HUGE hit. Saturday when I went out without her, one of the shot boys (Joey) stopped me and was like "Where's Grace?" and he seemed rather displeased that I was out without her.
Actually, there was a similar reaction when people saw me Thursday night. And tonight. Geez, I can't go anywhere without her...
Afterwards, Grace and I convinced some people to come out to the Denny's Jon works at. I wasn't sure if he was working, but I was crossing my fingers. And my hunch paid off -- he was! While we waited for the others to show up, a bunch of his regulars came in from WalMart and some of them started hassling him.
"What's your type? Me?" one of them asked.
"No," Jon said, not missing a beat, "My type's sitting right over there." And he pointed at me. And I glowed and pretended to be embarrassed. It was sweet.
He also pulled some strings and it ended up that none of the six of us had to pay for anything. Also, very, extremely sweet.

Friday was when the drama was.
It started at work. I was working, and I saw this hot guy come in with another guy. I recognized the hot one, I'd seen him out at Mirabar. I was busy, so I didn't help them. But I did smile at them, like I smile at all the customers.

That night, I went to Mirabar and the first person I see is the other guy. He flicks me off, and I shrug it off because whatever, maybe he's psycho. I check out the club, but there's really nobody there I know so I make for the door to go see if anyone's at Energy.
As I get to the door, a hand grabs my arm and all of a sudden the hot guy is making out with me.

Now, a normal person would probably freak out over this, but it's one of my fantasies to be stopped and given an amazing kiss in that exact way. So I weakened. Plus, did I mention how he's hot?
So when he said they were going to Energy, and I should come, I agreed. The other guy -- Danny -- didn't seem so keen on the idea. In fact, he got pretty frikkin' angry. But the (totally shit-faced) girls they were out with helped me ignore the drama between Ryan (the hottie) and Danny.

That is, up until they made me laugh. At which point Danny snapped, "If he doesn't stop smiling I'm gonna sock him in the face." Which was ridiculous to say, so of course I didn't stop smiling. So he threw three punches. Fortunately, I can take punches and he was drunk so he may as well have thrown some pillows at me.
Ryan pulled the car over and dragged Danny out where they proceeded to argue vehemently about me. Then things got scary -- one of the girls slid into the driver's seat and took off around the block. After we'd circled the block once, and nearly died several times, we convinced her to park and I took over in the driver's seat while we waited for Danny and Ryan to finish arguing.

They did and Danny insisted that he be taken to his car. So we set off, leaving me absolutely confused because, oh yeah, my car was in Providence and Danny's was in Warwick. Not the same place. Not even nearly.

So I spent the night hanging out with Ryan and his girls, and ended up crashing there and cuddling with Ryan. When I woke up my shirt was missing. Uh.......okay?
Anywho, despite all of his protestations that he was looking for a boyfriend (which I am too, though I was hesitant to say it because I know that can be used as a line and frequently is), he wouldn't give me his phone number. He said he'd give it to me when I was working later that day, and although he did stop in. Briefly. Very briefly.

There's more to this story that I'm not going to go into, but let's just say I'm keeping my fingers crossed but I'm prepared for the worst with this guy.
'Sides, there's Jon, who's sweet and has caused way less trouble. He's just difficult to hang out with, which is extra hard for someone who's an attention whore like me.

Meanwhile, yesterday, Joey and I had a fight which ended up sorting out our issues so now he's back on the "choices" list although I have a sincere feeling that we're going to end up being just friends.

Tonight I was going to stay in, but Justin urged me to go out to Mirabar (it's theirs and Energy's karaoke night, which also means no cover). So I went out (much to mom's chagrin). I walked into Mirabar and saw Justin and as I walked towards him ran into Ryan and the girls from before, all of whom were thrilled to see me. Ryan said he'd found my shirt.
So I split the night between Justin and his friend Preston, Ryan and his girls, and the bartender Henry who I think had had too much of his product and was seriously hitting on me. Not unless I get a job out of it, sorry babycakes. :P (SO kidding!)
Justin and Preston decided it would be cool to visit Energy, so we did -- but I dragged a phone number out of Ryan first. The Karaoke was bad. I ran into lots of people there though -- PacSun (who I rarely see but it's always nice to see him), Josh (who I'd been kind of passively trying to avoid), DJ (from XL), Shawn (Josh's ex who he still hangs out with), Ivan and Jaymes (both bartenders at Energy) and....Kenny and John!! I had tried to reach them for forever but never got through and then here they were! So we caught up and I informed John about my birthday celebrations because I would probably cry if they didn't come out with us at least once that weekend. I was so excited to see them, they're amazing. So that made my night enough that I can overlook whatever drama broke out between DJ and Josh.

I sent Ryan a text, just to make sure it is his number because of how, y'know, I have trust issues especially when somebody's so reluctant to give you their number. (And he was pouty because I couldn't spend the night at his place again.)

So I talked to Jon tonight. Twice, which was exciting. And we're making plans to see each other again which is good. Of my various "options" I think he's my favorite, but I know myself and I am going to be miserable dating someone who I never get to see. Hopefully in two weeks he'll have more time (he just put in his two weeks at one of his three jobs).

So it's been an exhilarating and exciting past few days!