"You have no idea what you do to me, or what I'll do to you."

I really really need to write in this more. It's sort of fallen by the wayside while I deal with all my stresses as of late. Let me recap what's been going on:

Bio -- I'm failing. Woo! I'm working on it though, and since we're no longer going over chemical stuff I think I can recover.

Comm -- makes me want to cry. Why is this my minor again?

Theater -- this is just my senior project. It's going. Not as well as I'd hoped, but it is definitely progressing. Slowly. I almost have a cast!

Finances -- I'm drowning terribly. The job hunt is not going well, I think I'm going to have to go back to Abercrombie -- but I can't make the interviews because I have class then. Agh! Time to see if one of my former managers can pull some strings.
Oh! Did I mention our bills and things? This "real life" shit blows. I never saw the appeal of staying in college and living on campus for forever before, but I'm starting to get it. A little too late, I might add.

In other news, Chris and I went to Out at Night at Six Flags: Great Adventure in New Jersey. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun. Ridiculous amounts. We met up with some of my friends from NYC and had a great time. Chris actually got me to go on Batman -- of course, my eyes were shut for almost all of it. Beside the point, I still went on it.

I went home this past weekend to celebrate my mom's birthday. I think I really needed to be not in PA too. I was way more relaxed, even though I don't have my own room anymore. I stayed with Chris though so it worked out pretty well. :)

The drive back to PA though! OMG! First we missed the Tappan Zee Bridge because a bus was in the way, so there we are skirting around Manhattan to get to the New Jersey Turnpike (ew! Even Jersey fans have to admit, not the prettiest part of the state!) Of course while we're on the turnpike....the worst weather I have ever driven in sprung up around us from nowhere. We thought it was that hurricane, but apparently the hurricane was in Maine? I'm sorry, if that wasn't a hurricane, it should have been called one.

Today we had a group presentation in bio and I think it went well! So, that's a step in the right direction....

"When [I] walk it's not about a direction, it's a chance to see [my] hips sway..."

Remember those days when my life was a whirlwind of events, one thing after another, and yet I managed to be perfectly calm collected and content? (The three C's?)

They're back, and all they needed was a simple little phrase. "Two weeks". As in, the next time I go into work I will be giving my manager my two weeks. I have four applications sitting in my room waiting to be filled out, and I know that the Gap already wants me.

I have some funny anecdotes before I continue...
This one just happened. Katie was telling me about her new word "rapetuous" -- which is when people talk about or watch or engage in rape. Apparently, they're discussing rape in her English class lately so the class is "rapetuous". And she said, everything is becoming rapetuous in her mind because they're talking about it so much.
And then I went to get a Coke. And I opened the fridge, reached my hand in it and pulled out (a Coke). So, of course, I walked out and said "I just went inside the fridge" and she goes "You're so rapetuous!"
Yeah, look your fridge in the eyes now, now that you know how dirty that can be.

Now, going back in time a bit...
Yesterday at the mall, as I'm in American Eagle picking up a job application, I saw a hoodie that I liked and I pointed it out to Cody, who was with me. I went over to it and was like "I kinda like this!"
And he looks at me and goes "I guess if you were black."
Just as three large black men walked past him. Towards the hoodies no less.
The timing could not have been more perfect if I'd paid them to walk in right then.

So, I've been working at Abercrombie & Fitch a lot. Doing classes, which are going decently well. And working at Club XS. I swear that there will be pictures soon!! In any case, here's a video Jenny made of some of the group of friends...and I'm in it! And yay!!

Cyclone

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For those of you in the area, this upcoming weekend is the Club XS Anniversary Party. Friday is a Porn Star Palooza featuring two of my favorites (and a third guy, who's pretty hot too!) Christian Owen and Blake Riley! Saturday is Inaya Day's performance. I won't be there. Actually, I'm kind of disappointed about that.
Bossman Joel said that he didn't need me (his nice way of saying "don't come in") because there's "so much going on", which is his way of saying "you're gonna be distracting, please go away." Honestly, I really don't think I'll be all that distracting next to three gorgeous porn stars, and considering that Chris only works some of the time I'm really the longest-lasting regular dancer the club has so I feel like I should be at the anniversary party, but, hey, I'll do what the Bossman says. And I will only complain about it here. :-P

"We knew all the answers and we shouted them like anthems"

...I may have jumped the gun because my mood was so BLAH yesterday.

So, let's start with Joey.

He's cute, and generous, and sweet, and nice, and funny, and romantic.......

But he's got this thing. He worries a lot. And it makes him distant sometimes, and I'm not sure I can handle that. He's worrying about this that and the other thing, most of which are things he should actually be concerned with. But then he's also worrying about, for instance, what will happen when I go back to PA at the end of August. I haven't had a relationship that lasted that long, ever. And planning that far ahead makes me feel stifled. So, that actually isn't going well, but it's for kind of a stupid reason, I think.

Then we have Ryan.

Everyone and my brain are telling me to move on, forget about him, he's already forgotten about me and he's bad news as it is. So, despite the fact that I've figured out what I did (and it's stupid, and he's jealous, and it's totally something that should be a non-issue if I'm right) and I could apologize, and part of me wants to apologize...I don't think I'm going to.

And last, but definitely not last, there's Jon. And despite the fact that yesterday it seemed like there was a problem...it's pretty evident there's not. I'm just an attention whore and I need to tone it down a little so that I'm actually also a human being.

But I am down numbers in the choices area. And, rereading this, it's not even a choice anymore. This reeks of a decision that has been made.

In more good news? Look what I stumbled upon from the club Dark Lady today:

Dark Lady is the club that most of the drag queens of Providence hang out at (to my knowledge) and since drag queens usually love me (except when they hate me, so we'll see) I think I have a good shot at this.

"If you sell your soul, at least you've made a sale"

"It's All About the Green" from The Wedding Singer -- the musical -- is quite possibly the cleverest song about greed I have ever heard. I love it. I love that whole musical, actually. But that really has nothing to do with anything, that's just me being extremely attention deficit.

Last night was insane.
First I went out, in the torrential rain, to Club XL. It was PACKED! There was a Countdown to Pride event that I had forgotten about. I didn't stay long, but I said hi to most of my friends there, including some who weren't there last time I was. Pot Pie said there were seventeen dancers working, and at first I thought "Nobody's gonna make any money!" but considering how many people were there, I can imagine that everyone made out like bandits.

So then I headed to Mirabar to meet up with Grace and another friend of mine from high school, Naseer. Also, Ryan, who I've known for a while but never met in person, came. So we were hanging out having fun and the club started to get pretty crowded too. Apparently I like to dance more than them, so I kind of stayed on the dance floor most of the night and they watched so I didn't end up spending as much time with them as I would have liked to.
The Pennsylvanian I thought I recognized was there again, so this time I grabbed a chance to talk to him. Turned out I hadn't lost my mind -- he really is who I thought he was. I ended up hanging out with him and his friend who, as it turned out I'm friends with on Myspace but hadn't met. They were in RI on a spontaneous little vacation but they left this morning.
I also met a guy named Joey. We may or may not have made out. On the dance floor. Whatever. I gave him my number, I got his. We'll see what happens there, but I'm not convinced. There was drama with his friends, and his text messages are...frequent. And occassionally clingy. I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I?
I also ended up making friends with a bartender named Jim, a guy named Justin who I went to a diner with and who is awesome. I also met some guy named Lenny who works there but I couldn't tell you what his job is.

So, I am still trying to decide where my night job this summer is going to be. I'll have something worked out soon, I'm sure.

Oh, and in other news...I have discovered (through going back to ages-old comments) that Hazzard Ahead is free to be a member of. So now I feel silly, but oh well. :P That's why I threw a Johnny Hazzard picture in here. Also I've had a string of posts with no pictures, and I feel boring and sad.

"Sure, every day the Earth rotates backwards and the skies turn orange."

So, wow. WOW. WOW. For a week that started off so unbelievably badly, things went really well afterwards. Really well.

Tuesday night, a new local club had its first 18+ club. Never one to miss an opportunity, I went not just for the fun of being with friends...I wanted a job. I had heard they were hiring dancers and I've been getting more and more desperate for money. The key detail of a rather eventful was that I did, in fact, get the job. And flirted with a really pretty gorgeous guy (who flirted back). He turns out to be 32, which is out of my usual dating age range...but depending on how the next couple weeks go, I may make an exception. He's remarkably immature for being so much older than me. :-P
By which, I mean, he acts the same age I act. At least, he does when he's drunk.

Now, Wednesday passed by relatively uneventfully. And by that I mean, things happened but I honestly don't remember much of it. I suppose that's not a good sign, although no news is good news, or so I'm told by my mother.

Today was the big one. Tuesday night, I had run into my friend Zach who had wanted me to work at Abercrombie Kids with him when my initial job hunt was going so poorly. He had informed me that he had become a manager, and wanted to hire me. So I went to Park City today, walked into Abercrombie, met up with Zach, and went next door to fill out another application.
I'm starting tomorrow. I couldn't be more excited. I finally have a real job. And a dancing job!

But as if my life didn't get better, there was the weather. It was horrible today. Driving to and from Park City I literally knew where the road was by watching tail lights, because I couldn't see the road due to all of the torrents of rain.
The DJ on the radio said we had "severe thunderstorm warnings, flash flood warnings, and tornado warnings." I jokingly added "and Armageddon warnings."

The joke got less funny when the sky turned orange. I'm still not sure what that was, but the fact is it looked awesome and the world didn't end so I'm feeling pretty lucky about that. I wish I had gotten a picture, but alas, I did not.

Later, when I returned to my dorm from all the rest of my day, my various classes and meetings in the evening, I discovered I had an instant message from Boy-Craig.
"You win."
Now, I don't want to jinx anything, so I won't explain it. I'm not happy, because he's hurting and I wouldn't wish that on him no matter what he did to me. But I'm hopeful, very hopeful.

That sort of reminds me, I did want to ask everyone's opinion on something -- a question that always is rattling around in my head due to being raised on romance novels where people just seem to know they're in love...how does one really tell?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I think I'm in love with Craig. I guess it's a possibility. Other people have said I am, though that means nothing. I'm mostly just curious as to everyone's opinions on these things.

"You work real hard and the pay's real low and every hour goes oh-so-slow..."

Today I have some news for you.

Lancaster County is a dangerous place to be. The Amish shootings you have undoubtedly heard about occured her. And then, Wednesday night/Thursday morning there was a murder in Elizabethtown. At this rate, in a few days I will be moving to South Philly in order to feel safe.

Speaking of feeling safe (actually, no, this is a total non sequitor), today is my friend Becky (whom I call Beckydoll and who used to call me Sparky for reasons I still don't know) is turning 23. I feel the need to just sort of announce that. Because I'm cool like that.
Happy birthday Beckydoll! To commemorate your birthday I give you a moose who looks remarkably like me holding a bagel. Oh, wait...you took that picture, didn't you? :-P It's okay, cause I love it.

Oh, exciting news? Next weekend, I'm going home to Rhode Island!! I'm so excited. SO EXCITED!!!!

And, well, that's basically all there is to say. Mostly I am supposed to be studying for my math test.

Oh, no, wait. I did neglect to mention something. My job hunt. Remember how optomistic I was?
Well, A&F still hasn't called, neither has the club. You know, that club where everyone knows me? Where I am friends with almost everyone who works in the 18+ area? Yeah, that one.
And to top it off, just in case five weeks of hearing nothing wasn't enough so that I assumed H&M wasn't hiring me, I got a letter from them in the mail. They called my resume "impressive" and said they would keep my application on file and let me know if a position I was better suited for became available. Which is exactly the sort of thing I would say if I wanted to subtly and politely tell someone to go fuck themself. Sooo, I'm still unemployed, and running out of options I might actually enjoy working at.

Right now, as I sit here, I can hear the sounds of college life. There's a guy rapping down the hall, something just broke somewhere, and my roommate is playing a video game. No one is drunk and no one is playing guitar, but otherwise...Oh. There was just a (very manly) scream that came from a movie someone is watching down the hall. It doesn't get more college than this, unless somebody's drunk.
....and as I say this, Bridger starts yelling "HEY! HEY EVERYBODY!" so I go "What're you yelling about?" and he goes "Hey Graham". Maybe there is a drunk person, and somebody just started really early.

So, now...this week has been a week full of stories which I have neglected to share here. I promise to keep these all thought provoking or at least mildly entertaining.

As far as the job hunt goes...well, it's sort of halted. I neglected to mention that Saturday night, Cody (the bartender at Shimmer) told me they were looking for another bartender, and he thinks I should do it. I think I need a job, and it's not like I've never worked at a club before. Shimmer is much tamer than Gallery anyways, more PG-13...so it should be fine working there. So it's a possibility I will be exploring this weekend.

On Tuesday, I had a job interview at Abercrombie. It went well except for how I neglected to mention any of the people I know who work or have worked there. So...I made sure to go socialize with my friend Zach who was working there right afterwards. We'll see, they said they would call in a week if I got the job. Keep your fingers crossed, guys! I really need this, I am so frustrated and worried over this.
I feel like something else exciting happened Tuesday, but not really. I just hung out with Anthony for a little while...

Oh! I remember now. As you may recall, the bathrooms at Park City are incredibly difficult, usually. However, this time I was delighted! I discovered that the reason I usually have so much trouble is that the bathrooms have been used too much. But on a Tuesday...there was paper towels in dispensers everywhere!! There was soap in the automatic soap dispenser, so I got to use soap! It was wonderful!
Of course, my other complaints about the bathroom still stand...but oh well.

Wednesday was a Wednesday. Blah. Then, there was last night.
Last night I had a cosmo for the first time, ever. Also last night? My friend Kate made cosmos for the first time ever. Which is how I can safely say I was a step above tipsy -- stroooooooong cosmo. Very strong. Plus, I'm a lightweight. It led to some interesting times. I'm not even sure I can really go into them.

In other news, I have some news about my friends from this summer. Sadly, its not good. There's some kind of drama going on, I didn't get any details. I'm afraid that may be why nobody's talking to me though, and that makes me very, really, ridiculously beyond sad.

More misadventures!

The past day or so have been...well...eventful.

You see, yesterday, I skipped math class. I had a job interview at Abercrombie & Fitch. Funny thing though. It was okay though, I needed the break. We'd been learning about other bases, and ancient number systems, and other things that made my brain leak out my ears. Which, ew at the mental image. Moving on....

On the way to the mall, the most exciting thing happened. You see, in Rhode Island, we're shitty drivers. I'm a better drive than most Rhode Islanders, and I am far from being good at driving. So, we're driving. My friend Jess, who is coming with me, looks out the window and goes "Oh, they're cute!" to the people driving on our right. That was my only warning, but fortunately it got me to ease on my brakes or I probably would have hit the cement barrier to my left to avoid getting hit by them.
Those same people procede to cut us off, which ordinarily would piss me the fuck off. I have terrible road rage, and I would've been cursing up a storm at that. Except for one thing. They're license plate. It had the inmistakable waves on it. I, in Central Bumfuck Pennsylvania, and been cut off by one of my own people! I was ecstatic!

The first thing, of course, is that the bathroom in Park City is totally automated. So this leads to about twenty minutes in it every time. Why? Well, because the sink's won't turn on right away. You hold out your hands for, roughly, forever. Finally water comes out. Not in like a stream though -- oh no -- in spurts. It spurts out at your hands. And then you try to get soap, which I have not managed to get to work once. And then, you have to get more spurts of water. Or you give up, and you go over to the automated hand dryer. And you wave your hands under it. Nothing happens. You wave your hands around it, circling the machine, then moving your hands in front of it. Obviously, nothing happens. You wave your hands under it. Nothing happens. You're about ready to give up and you pull your hands away and the thing comes roaring to life. So you shove your hands back up near it and try to dry your hands. But air dryers never work anyways. But I have yet to find any paper towles (although the trash can is full of them so they must be somewhere in there). So I inevitably leave with wet hands that have not been washed with soap.

We went up the escalator and, of course, stopped in Abercrombie (hot employees, obvi!!) Plus, y'know, my interview, which wasn't for a while yet. So then we went into H&M, and then into Victoria's Secret because Jess needed a bra. We'd been in H&M long enough though, that I had to bail on her for my interview. Or I thought I did.
Abercrombie does these group interviews twice a week. So I sat down on the couch and waited. No one else showed up, and no manager either. So I went to the counter and casually asked if they wanted me to come back. And by casually, I mean first I watched them goof off behind the ocunter, laughed at them, conversed a little bit, and then asked. Two of them jumped up and ran into the backroom. One of them returned and said they wanted me to come back Tuesday. Fortunately, Western Civ. is canceled on Tuesday. So I agreed to.
My friend Zach, who works there, wants me to work with him and I would love to. Also, I am dying to get myself a nice denim jacket, and the discount on the ones in Abercrombie (which are $40!!!) would be all kinds of famazing.

So Jess and I met up again, continued our oggling of both clothing and pretty people, and ended up in a store called Rave. A woman's clothing store. The employees were friendly, so we chilled with them for a while. This one guy who who works there was clearly hitting on me, but that was fine. He wasn't making me uncomfortable, so I pretty much ignored it and was just conversational.
So, a bit later, Jess convinces me to try on some women's jeans. She picks out a size 1 and a size 3 for me to try on. I relented, and went into the fitting room. I tried the size 1 first.
Jess: "How do they look?"
Me: "They won't go past my thigh and I can't get my other leg in. Who wears these and how long have they not been eating for?"
The size threes fit (barely) so she bought them for me. I actually wore them today. I had to wear them very low so I could breath. But dayum did my ass look FINE. :P

Last night was Amateur Strip Night at the club in Harrisburg, so I took some people with me. At first, I was the only one who was stripping (and I was only stripping because I was being made to because of the whole Mr. Shimmer ordeal). Then one of the other club regulars who pretty much strips most nights anyways showed up, and he ready to go.
Only thing is, we needed three contestants. So we spent the rest of the night trying to find one more contestant, male, female, both, neither, didn't matter. No one seemed willing. Finally, at 1 pm, my friend Mario had had enough to drink and we convinced/forced him to participate.
And he won!!!!!!!

So, then we were in the parking lot when I ran into Zach, and he told me I was crazy for wanting to interview at Rave and he was acting like I already had the job. Whatev. But then I ran into another friend of mine, and a bunch of us ended up at a diner. So I didn't get back to school until 4:30 am. At which point, I pretty much passed out in my bed and awoke at 11:30 and got dressed for another day of fun mall adventures.

You see, I had to interview at Rave. This time, my friend Sara came with me. She bought clothes, more than she probably should have, at various stores. I brought her inside Abercrombie, which made her feel dirty.
And then it came time for my interview. I went into Rave. And Jon, the guy who was supposed to interview me (and had been hitting on me yesterday) was not there. So I mentioned he'd said I could call his cell phone, but he'd decidedly not left his cell phone number. So they gave it to me, and I called to find out why he wasn't at work when he was supposed to be.
And then I found out that I was actually interviewing for an assistant manager position, so the fact that I can call late employees was good. I also related a tale from when I was stage managing of when I went and got one of my actors. They seemed impressed by that. So, hopefully, my job hunt is over. Hopefully. We'll see.

"I want my silver spoon..."

"Don't need it right now, but I better get it soon!"

I love this song. "Great Big Stuff" from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels...

"I just want someone to love me....
FOR MY MONEY! OH YEAAAAAAAAAH!!"

Anyways, now that I've talked about myself, it's time to (in a very WB-TV show-esque way) catch you up on the various "story arcs" going on in my life right now.

I'm excelling in the theater department at school, currently participating in our main stage production (I'm playing Jellaby, the butler in Arcadia). For which I am not allowed to shave.

That is kind of an issue, actually. I'm also in a desperate hunt. Presently, my best bets for employment are either H&M (oh, I can only hope and pray!!) or Abercrombie & Fitch. However, since my previous "best bets" recently have all crashed and burned in a much less pleasant way than the similarly named Savage Garden song, we're not feeling too optomistic at the moment.

In an almost-job related area, the local club has just begun to work its way back into my life. And by "work its way" I mean, it's forcing through everything else. You see, in a brash attempt to show an ex-boyfriend that he was screwing with the wrong guy, I entered this pageant for the club title. I was successful in my goals -- I beat my ex-boyfriend's contestant (he was helping this one guy), but didn't win myself. I came in second. Today, however, I received a phone call from the winner of the pageant. He is leaving for the Air Force, soon. Which leaves me with a title I don't particularly want, nor do particularly have the amount of time I would like to devote to having this title. Worse still...this year's pageant is coming up in November. Which means, I get to jump in and finish planning, organizing, running, and hosting the pageant.

In the romantic aspects of this thing I call my life....well, that's not so exciting. I have a guy hitting on me who I am totally beyond uninterested in. I may or may not be going on a no-strings-attached-I'm-not-really-interested date with another guy who's been trying to woo me since the pageant we were just discussing. I figure it's been long enough he deserves a chance. And I mean, he's a sweet guy, calls when he says he will...who knows, it could be something good. I am, however, hung up on a guy in Rhode Island who's not interested in me at all. Eh...you win some, you lose some, right? Of course right.
So, mostly, my love life is being lived through the stories I hear from all of my friends. So, in that sense, man I get around. :P