"You have no idea what you do to me, or what I'll do to you."

I really really need to write in this more. It's sort of fallen by the wayside while I deal with all my stresses as of late. Let me recap what's been going on:

Bio -- I'm failing. Woo! I'm working on it though, and since we're no longer going over chemical stuff I think I can recover.

Comm -- makes me want to cry. Why is this my minor again?

Theater -- this is just my senior project. It's going. Not as well as I'd hoped, but it is definitely progressing. Slowly. I almost have a cast!

Finances -- I'm drowning terribly. The job hunt is not going well, I think I'm going to have to go back to Abercrombie -- but I can't make the interviews because I have class then. Agh! Time to see if one of my former managers can pull some strings.
Oh! Did I mention our bills and things? This "real life" shit blows. I never saw the appeal of staying in college and living on campus for forever before, but I'm starting to get it. A little too late, I might add.

In other news, Chris and I went to Out at Night at Six Flags: Great Adventure in New Jersey. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun. Ridiculous amounts. We met up with some of my friends from NYC and had a great time. Chris actually got me to go on Batman -- of course, my eyes were shut for almost all of it. Beside the point, I still went on it.

I went home this past weekend to celebrate my mom's birthday. I think I really needed to be not in PA too. I was way more relaxed, even though I don't have my own room anymore. I stayed with Chris though so it worked out pretty well. :)

The drive back to PA though! OMG! First we missed the Tappan Zee Bridge because a bus was in the way, so there we are skirting around Manhattan to get to the New Jersey Turnpike (ew! Even Jersey fans have to admit, not the prettiest part of the state!) Of course while we're on the turnpike....the worst weather I have ever driven in sprung up around us from nowhere. We thought it was that hurricane, but apparently the hurricane was in Maine? I'm sorry, if that wasn't a hurricane, it should have been called one.

Today we had a group presentation in bio and I think it went well! So, that's a step in the right direction....

"Just give it time, kid, I come to one and all"

Okay. Wow, that's really all I can say. Wow.

Thursday...let me explain Thursday. Katie called me from work and informed me that her doctor had called and determined -- a week later -- that there was actually a fracture on her foot in the x-rays. She was informed that it was urgent for her to see an orthopedic doctor immediately.
So, after my 12:30 class, I took Katie to her appointment with the orthopedic doctor who is coincidentally the same one I am seeing on March 31st about my elbow.
So she filled out her paperwork, and we waited. We got brought to a room. And we wait. Fifty-six minutes we waited -- which is lucky for him, because after an hour I go look for the doctor. (Yeah, I'm one of those guys.) He breezes in, barely introducing himself, feels Katie's foot and says "I didn't see a fracture on the x-rays" and makes like he's going to leave. Without so much as looking at the x-rays with her.
Katie gets upset -- this is the fifth doctor she's seen, and she keeps being tossed back and forth between "it's broken" and "it's just a sprain". The doctor tells his technician to call her family doctor and ask about this supposed fracture. Then, he walks out of the room. The technician makes the five minute phone call and then we spend a half an hour waiting for this doctor to return. When he did, he insisted that even if there was a fracture, it wasn't causing the pain and therefore it wasn't important and he would not be treating it. He diagnosed Katie with a "perrenial tendon sprain", and told her to do physical therapy, and sent her out to the check out.
At the check out desk, they got confused by the lack of a follow up appointment, which confused Katie, so she ended up crying again. The doctor had her brought into a room so he could "try to help her understand" so she wouldn't be upset -- and by that, he meant explain what he'd already explained only this time in a more condescending tone.
All in all, we spent two hours there and saw the doctor for a total of seven minutes.

Then, we had to rush because Katie's relatives were meeting us at our apartment that night for dinner, and I had to pick up my road trip comrades from campus before six o'clock. We sent Ty, Amanda, and Dara in my car to the diner and we ate dinner with Russ, Mandy, and the three little tykes....who, despite was Katie assured me would happen, immediately adopted me (rather than avoiding me). They're fun and good kids but it was still miserable in that I don't like little children sort of way.

Thursday night was a riot. We all went to Club XS (even Katie because that horrible doctor said she could) and almost everyone was there, it was crazy fun! We came back to my apartment and had a slumber party there -- Katie gave up her bed and she and I crashed on my futon.

The next morning, we all left for New England. Well, not as early as we'd intended. We picked up an extra passenger -- my friend Meghan who decided she didn't want to take the train (I've road tripped with her before). Then we stopped for breakfast. So we didn't really leave til like 11 am.
Then there was construction. And traffic. And then a truck blocked our view of a vital road sign and because of this we ended up having to drive through New York City -- fortunately, the navigation on my phone (who we've named Rhonda) saved us. It also got us up through Connecticutt into Massachusetts to Amanada's house, down to Meghan's in RI.
All in all, it was a nine hour drive. Fortunately, the company was good and we switched off drivers.

After just a couple hours home, I set off to work at the Dark Lady's beach party. There were tons of new faces, as well as plenty of familiar ones. It was a great time. I also kinda met a guy. Yeah, I might talk about that later...but at the same time, meeting guys in RI does me how much good? Pretty much none.

Today has been fairly relax. I got coffee with Matt -- the guy from last night -- and then we went and got my car inspected and then I've been chilling at home and running errands but pretty soon I'll be heading out again.

I hate PA!

To start with, I need to give a shout out to my friend Genevieve who has confessed to me -- although there may have been alcohol involved :P -- that she is an addict of my blog. She calls it her "new Pink is the New Blog".

I've been inspired now, actually. Kat, Genevieve...our Pink is the New Blog picture could say "Pink is the New Grahambling"...even though Pink is the New Blog was around first...

I decided, the shitty luck I've been having? It's all because of Pennsylvania. Kick in the ass from God: you don't belong here. Move.

Because I had shitty luck in Pennsylvania all the way until I hit New Jersey on the road trip yesterday.
And I had shitty luck trying to take a rest in Connecticutt too but I don't think that was at all connected to anything. :-P

Anyways, here's what's been going on since my last post....I cast my one act, er "short play". They're great.

Gint is over. It was phenomenal and guess what? My dad snuck down to PA to see it!!

My computer's hard drive died. It got replaced but it's taken me a week since then to get my computer operational again since I'm dumb. I got home, and poof, figured it out. PA clouds my brain, I think.

Because my computer wasn't working though, I am now in danger of failing almost all of my classes and my schedule for next semester is TOTALLY screwed the fuck up.

As far as those issues with the other dancer went....well, nothing's really changed. I'm pretty much ignoring that as a problem. I have enough other issues to deal with than the fact that I make less money than the other dancer. And that certain people who are friends of mine start conversations with me by asking "Where's Will?" or don't talk to me at all because they're so focused on him now....
I know, not his fault. And I'm still being friendly to all of these people. But it doesn't make me happy. Because like, now? Now would be a time when having friends would be nice but even the ones who aren't ditching me don't seem to have time for me. All I need is a good movie-and-ice-cream night, am I asking too much?

I am working on getting hotter still, but the progress is slow going. Partly because I'm exhausted all of the time from this feeling of "What's gonna go wrong next?" because something always does.

Oh? As far as the love life goes? So, I was talking to a few guys (other than James, because as we know, hopeless). And I start going on a few dates (two, to be exact) one of them -- Jeremy. (Too many J names, I know!) He even came to see my show, and awkwardly met my dad despite my best efforts, and things seemed to be going pretty good. I did not, however, allow myself to jinx it by thinking the "b" word ("boyfriend", I mean).
So I must've jinxed it some other way, because he's moved the hell on from me. To a high schooler. Now, I know I'm an age-is-just-a-number sort of guy, but a high schooler over me? I cannot fathom that a high schooler has more to offer. But he says he's "happier now than he's ever been", and who am I to stand in the way of a timeless week-old love? It's not like I can compete with singing "Bubbly" over the phone. Maybe because I haven't made the effort to learn the words because I think that it's a little ridiculous to learn something someone else wrote and use it as a way of conveying my emotions? Sorry if I think it'd be more romantic if that sort of a thing were conveyed in something, I don't know, original?
Anyways, I told him my feelings for him in a way-out-of-left-field spilling of heart and soul (something I have never ever done before in my entire life). And when he found out I'd never done that before he said "Oh" which leads me to my latest conclusion:
I've always been doing the right thing by shutting the hell up.
My friends keep saying that when he realizes that a high schooler, no matter how mature, is incapable of having a serious relationship because of the structure of their life and the changes they're about to go through with starting college and all, he's going to come crawling back to me. Question is -- if my friends are right that he'll come back, am I gonna take him back? I've never been much of one for second chances and I've been right before....

Anyways, to sum it all up: men suck, I'm still chronically single, depressed, and am right that spilling your guts is a totally worthless action. (Unless, apparently, you're spilling your guts through someone else's words.)

Ooooooh, but I have a new keyboard! And it's fun to type on because all the keys are there and none of them stick!

And Katie and I went to DC last weekend (when the whole Jeremy thing went down) and visited our friend Ashley and we went to Apex and it was a phenomenal blast!

Now I'm in RI and I need to hop offline so I can go shower because I'm working at the Dark Lady's Thanksgiving Eve party!!

Oooh, I also forgot about this:

Watch More Videos Uploaded by bebo.com/acrowleyorder

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happening...

I get it, ya'll don't like how I'm not posting......so let me tell you what all has been going on.

I got cast in the fall main stage production of Gint. I was up for the lead, but the damn script....the minor characters are more difficult to play and require a greater ability to have variety. And for that reason I was not cast as the lead -- which is a good thing, I suppose, except for the one little detail: It looks shitty not to have leading roles on your resume!!!
Okay, over it.

I'm slacking in my core class. The professor is allowing it. "I need you guys to watch this video, but just in case you can't see it when it's on TV I'm going to give you the answers to the worksheet in class." Yes, that's how I'm earning my participation grade. Dead serious.

As for my little adventure back home to Rhode Island this weekend...it was because I had a film gig. For a web series. And it sounds like it will be the first of several appearances I have on the series. My video isn't even out yet and the character is already getting involved from his Bebo...
My friends Kat and Katie came with me. To make the weekend even better, it was my mom's birthday. And the last full Waterfire of the season. And the Dark Lady was having it's Gay-sha block party!

In other news, a few pop culture things that irk me:
The Backstreet Boys have too many things in common with their songs. For instance, their two most recent "hits" (that I know of) are "Inconsolable" and "Incomplete". Can we get a new first syllable, boys? Aside from the similarities between the words themselves, both songs suck. Course, I have never been a fan of them so...maybe I'm biased?

Next on the agenda: Chris Cocker, or whatever his name is. The boy weeps in the defense of a tragic mess and, dare I say, a lost cause (Britney Spears) and suddenly shoots to stardom. Can I just throw this out there: he's OBNOXIOUS. His hair is bad. His face is bizarre. I'd rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than his heinous voice. And could you be any more....(for lack of a better word) gay? Seriously, get a personality and follow it up with your sexuality, not the other way around.

Aaaaand, on a totally seperate note...how's this for exciting: Expressmen Interviews My Friend Tony Gibble!

Wrapping things up...

My life has been crazy. I am trying to tie up loose ends here in Rhode Island while I can, since I leave for Pennsylvania on Friday morning. Eeeek!! I haven't even started packing yet! (Okay, well, I have a little bit but not much!)

My aunt and her husband who live in Arizona were visiting this week. Don't get me wrong, I love them both...but, they are hugely pessimistic. Usually when they visit I get brought down from my normally happy upbeat self and get all depressed because of the gloom and doom they bring up so frequently. And, of course, my mother has to complain because, well, because they are sisters and they can't just get along perfectly.
Fortunately, this visit I was busy and preoccupied enough with other stuff aside from their visit that I didn't get brought down at all. It was just a nice visit.

So, what else has been going on? Other than packing and trying to see everyone? Well, y'know, not much. :P Work, both at Abercrombie & Fitch and at the Dark Lady. And there was that pool party.
(That's a picture of me and the Bossman from Dark Lady!)
Now, the pool party would've been fantastic if fewer of my friends had had to work on Saturday. It was cool though, the people who showed up all had a good time I think. It was mostly people from A&F, Grace came. It was fun!

Then at the end, James showed up. We'd arranged that, since he was passing through RI on his way to Maine, he'd visit. He and his friend Brad were going to crash at my place (cause it's free and because, duh, they didn't make reservations at a hotel.
Those of you who've been reading this blog for forever know this about James: he disappears for months, resurfaces when I think I'm over him and then it turns out that I'm not. Pattern continues to hold true. I made a concerted effort to try to be interested in other people though, so I'm patting myself on the back for that...I think.

Brad, James, and I hit up Mirabar (which was having its 60th anniversary this weekend!) on Saturday night. It was a great time. Everyone was out for it (except the large crowds of people who were at Dark Lady, which we also visited). Billy and Jamie were having their own "good-bye" party since they are leaving, about the same time I am, for Los Angeles! Mirabar's photographer was out too, so James Brad and I will be on the club's website at some point. James has this habit where he attracts a lot of attention. It might have something to do with the fact that he's taller than basically everyone.
They had a "hot underwear contest", which essentially was people stripped down to their underwear and then the names of these people were drawn. James, Brad, and I all participated. Brad frikkin' won! It's a 100 dollar prize!

(James on his phone at the beach...)

So, Sunday, we went up to the beach. Most of the usual crew wasn't there, but Billy and Jamie and their friends all were so we hung out with them. Joel was there, though he was tired so he left early, and Daiv and Preston with their friend Jane showed up as well. It was a fantastic time and there may or may not have been beer and energy drinks with 6.6 alcohol in them called Tilt...I plead the fifth.

(That's Billy on top of J.D and I think Adam...)
(And this other one is Preston and Brad...how cute!)
We spent the afternoon there until the sun started to set. So, we headed to the 99 -- which is a restaurant that's kind of like a pub. We had a great time there too and the food was excellent. If anyone ever finds themselves there, I highly recommend getting the Imperial. It's a seafood casserole with crab meat, lobster meat, and scallops. Now, I don't know what they did but I hate scallops, but I ate these ones and I liked them!
(That last picture is the whole gang...me in front of course!)

We came back to my house quick to shower and change and then it was off to Mirabar again! Brad and Preston had really hit it off at the beach, and as soon as they saw each other at Mirabar they were off together again. My friend Chris, who hasn't been out in Providence since Pride (cause he's from Connecticutt and spends all his time at the clubs there) was there too, so that was super exciting. I saw a guy that looked like how I imagine Roman Heart would look like if he were thin like me, and tall. Obviously, I was attracted to him so the two of us (and James) ended up dancing together most of the night. Part of my efforts to be attracted to other people. After he left, I danced with James for...y'know, the whole rest of the night. It was a lot of fun.

They're off to Maine now and I...I am packing. Wednesday night is my last night out in Providence, as I've told everyone repeatedly. It's not that I'm self-centered.....it's just that I want to make sure everyone is there to see me off. :P

PS I will be adding pictures to this post soonish!

Q&A!

So, basically everyone had questions after my last post so I figured I'd take a post to answer them.

Aurix -- Where do you go to school in RI?

It's not Rhode Island that I don't like when I say I don't like "home", not at all. I love this state. It's this building. The house. It's not really "home", there's just not a better word for it. It's a big house, lots of rooms. Lots of small rooms with lots of corners, very few windows, and no overhead lighting. Sound doesn't carry -- unless you can scream as loudly as my mom when she's losing her patience (this happens a lot, especially in this house). There's shag carpetting on the stairs (I hate that). The wallpaper in my bedroom is all flowers and birds and patterns -- not a solid color or a single stripe which is how I like my walls to be. And the atmosphere of the house just...it makes me want to stay in bed and mope about nothing. I hate this building.

Also, the wireless never works. Actually, it's been fine (although I'm afraid saying something about it will jinx it) since I got here, which is unusual and has helped me to be not-so-miserable-as-usual in the house. Tomorrow I am going out. All day. And I will probably be out continuously every day for the rest of the summer if I have anything to say about it!

Sue -- my summer is going to be packed full of excitement! You see, I have an Italian class to take this summer. I will also be working at Abercrombie & Fitch. And I go clubbing basically every night while I'm here, but since I will probably need a second job so I can afford rent *and* have spending money, I will probably start dancing at one in Providence. Also, there's those beaches that I have been craving! I have to go to the beaches! So many RI traditions I need to catch up on! If there's Waterfires (which I could give a whole blog entry to, and still not be able to fully describe), I'll have to catch one of those! I was thinking, as childish as it is, I haven't seen the dinosaur exhibit at Roger Williams Zoo in ages -- and there's a new one every summer! Also, my dad and I go eat clamcakes at our favorite place, George's at Galilee's, every summer (don't listen to anyone else, George's is totally the best clamcakes!!) And I need to drink some Del's Frozen Lemonade and at least one cabinet! I have to have some Rhode Island-brewed coffee too, because I am beginning to forget what it's like! Crazy, right? Too much coffee from "Seattle's Best" and -- worse -- from Starbucks! And how can I forget that Providence Pride is coming up?!

Aside from ALL of that, I have a birthday coming up in a little over a month. I have to make sure I'm ready to stop being a teenager by June 23rd! That's a LOT of pressure! But my birthday is going to be big -- not as big as my 21st will be, of course, but bigger than the past two -- because both of those passed by with basically nobody noticing (despite my best efforts). Some of my friends from PA are coming and we are pretty much going to have a wild party all over this state. Rhode Island may never be the same again!

Speaking of birthdays, I have to get in touch with one of my high school friends. I promised him over a year ago that I was going to take him clubbing when he turned 18. He turns 18 in 2 days, so I have to make sure I'm ready for that. I have to get him a cake...and figure out a way to embarrass him at whatever club we go to. What strings do I have to pull? Hrm....

But that's just what I'm going to be doing here! I have to go back to PA every once in a while to move stuff to the apartment -- and like I would miss Harrisburg Pride? Uhhh, no!

Kevin -- I actually am feeling great right now. Tomorrow I am going to really start vacation by....running errands all day! Hopefully I will get to go out tomorrow night since one of those errands is a haircut!

"Don't leave me standing here, come out of the dumpster..."

So, I'm feeling some better. The ride home was pretty much "eh". I have already been reminded of the things I don't enjoy about home, the trick will be tolerating these things for three months.

In other news...Darren Hayes has a new CD coming out August 20th. You. Must. Buy. It. It sounds amazing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

So I'm in Rhode Island again. It's nice, but I quite wish that timings of some things were different.

I got in on the train Wednesday afternoon and hung out with Johnna for a while. It was a short but typical Johnna and Graham adventure -- meaning there was lots of unhealthy food and ice cream and we pigged out like the fat kids we secretly are. :-P
She called me earlier today to let me know that she had safely arrived in Memphis. She is opening a new chapter in her life, and I couldn't be happier for her. I think that her blog is going to become an absolutely thrilling retelling of her adventures adjusting to life in the South very soon, and I'm excited to read it. I recommend it to all of you as well.

Someone else has left my life, and much more permanently than Johnna has. My parents are insisting that they told me, but I have no recollection of this. Our cat Moonlight was put to sleep two weeks ago. I knew she'd been having some health problems, she was pretty old, but I wasn't aware they were getting so bad and I swear they never told me they put her to sleep. So instead, I found out...in the middle of Thanksgiving today. I was stunned, and I'm still a little shocked and a lot sad.
The picture is of her getting stoned off of catnip, it's the only one I could find of her.
She was dumb as a rock, and scared of almost everything, but she has been around for as long as I can remember and I loved her even if she ran away from me (and everyone else) half the time.

Wednesday night was Club XS's pre-Turkey Day party, w and apparently it was a blast. They had asked me to dance that night, but being in Rhode Island made that completely impossible. The dancers, I hear, made hundreds of dollars. Each. I'm a little pissed at the unlucky timing of all of that.
I know the dancer in the scarf, and all I have to say (despite how he's gorgeous and how he's actually a really nice guy) is: how the mighty have fallen.
Then again, making hundreds of dollars for just dancing and having a good time...that's not much of a fall, is it? :-P
Credit to jenniferthomas.org for the picture!

I was at XS Tuesday though, just partying before I left, and here's two pictures from that:
Can you tell I'm not getting enough sleep? I see those bags under my eyes and all I have to say is "ewwww!" My sleep schedule is not adjusted to working yet.

Anyways, today (yesterday...) is Thanksgiving, so here's a list of things I'm thankful for:
1) Memories. Moonlight was just a cat, but I she's in so many memories I have and I find myself suddenly grateful for each and every one of those. I'm even more grateful for all of the time Johnna and I have spent together. I'm also grateful for the times Johnna and Moonlight have spent together:

Way to fall out of your shirt and look high in the same picture Johnna. :P

2) Johnna. She is the best friend I could ever ask for, and she been with me at the absolute lowest, hardest points in my life when no one else was. I've made her a promise that when she gets married I will have Jimmy Buffett at her wedding, but I would get Jesus Christ himself there if she wanted. I know, he's dead. But I would work miracles for this girl.
3) My health. There were times when I didn't have that, and right now I'm both healthy and happy and I appreciate it so much.
4) Employment. It was a long and difficult journey getting a real job with a steady paycheck, and I'm so grateful to Zach for hiring me. He's really a good friend, even if we don't know each other too well yet.
5) The Internet. I don't know what I'd do without it.
6) My family. They love me no matter what. Even though I complain about them a lot, they really mean so much to me and I am fortunate enough that they support me in everything. Although, I haven't told them about my go-go dancing...
7) All of my other friends. I am blessed with popularity. I love all of the amazing people who surround me in my every day life and my online life, and I can't imagine what my life would be like without all of these wonderful people. These wonderful people, of course, including all of you.

The list could go on and on and on forever. But it's about time for my beauty sleep. As evidenced by those atrocious bags under my eyes in that picture, I clearly need it.

Graham makes a frowny face...

Ah boy.

Boy-Anthony, my boyfriend, who as of yet has not been able to have that serious talk we need to have about his trust issues, is ill. He has strep throat (the germs of which are the picture to the left), mono, and tonsilitis.

But I'm not with Anthony. I am in Rhode Island. And, as I imagined, things here are not pretty with the group of people from this summer. I mean, I imagine Michael and Kyle are fine. And, hey, Matt's fine (now) as well, from the sounds of it.

Meanwhile, I've heard nothing from Kenny or John in about a week. I've seen them online, but they haven't replied to me at all. Chris, Bill, and Bill are still disappeared -- which may be for the best. And Linda...oh, who knows?
And then there's Boy-Neil. He's amazing, amazing, amazing. I'm so hung up on him. But he sometimes makes the worst, most self-destructive decisions, for which I hate him. There's so much potential in him.
But can it ever be a good idea to at the age of 18 get engaged to someone you've only known for maybe two months? I don't think so. Maybe I'm jealous here, maybe I'm overprotective of my friends...mostly, I think, I'm just concerned he's making a huge mistake.

And that pretty much makes me miserable.

"You work real hard and the pay's real low and every hour goes oh-so-slow..."

Today I have some news for you.

Lancaster County is a dangerous place to be. The Amish shootings you have undoubtedly heard about occured her. And then, Wednesday night/Thursday morning there was a murder in Elizabethtown. At this rate, in a few days I will be moving to South Philly in order to feel safe.

Speaking of feeling safe (actually, no, this is a total non sequitor), today is my friend Becky (whom I call Beckydoll and who used to call me Sparky for reasons I still don't know) is turning 23. I feel the need to just sort of announce that. Because I'm cool like that.
Happy birthday Beckydoll! To commemorate your birthday I give you a moose who looks remarkably like me holding a bagel. Oh, wait...you took that picture, didn't you? :-P It's okay, cause I love it.

Oh, exciting news? Next weekend, I'm going home to Rhode Island!! I'm so excited. SO EXCITED!!!!

And, well, that's basically all there is to say. Mostly I am supposed to be studying for my math test.

Oh, no, wait. I did neglect to mention something. My job hunt. Remember how optomistic I was?
Well, A&F still hasn't called, neither has the club. You know, that club where everyone knows me? Where I am friends with almost everyone who works in the 18+ area? Yeah, that one.
And to top it off, just in case five weeks of hearing nothing wasn't enough so that I assumed H&M wasn't hiring me, I got a letter from them in the mail. They called my resume "impressive" and said they would keep my application on file and let me know if a position I was better suited for became available. Which is exactly the sort of thing I would say if I wanted to subtly and politely tell someone to go fuck themself. Sooo, I'm still unemployed, and running out of options I might actually enjoy working at.