"Now that it's raining more than ever, know that we'll still have each other"

So, last night was good. Went out to Energy, and ran into various people. Big Bill and Chris, finally, so that was terrific! I also saw that friend of mine who was the cause of that traumatic night at school and is the reason 911 is so impressive to me now. He's doing really well, he's all excited because apparently he's going to be a father in eight months.

After that a large group of us headed over to Mirabar. It was fun, but nothing eventful happened to write about, so that's all I have to say on that.

I woke up early this morning to help mom with this yard sale project she's been working and working and working and working on. I helped her sell things. Outside. In the rain and disgusting weather we were having. We did make money...some money. $23. Woo.

So I'm late to work at A&F because of this. I get there, soaking wet, sopping even. Couldn't even see on the drive there, it was raining that hard. Oh, and the thunder lightning started about then too. So I put it another five hours working there, and it was BUSY! And I was on the floor. I hate being on the floor when it's busy. The manager who was on for most of my shift didn't seem to be in the best mood, and neither was I...so that was not good.

So basically, I did retail for ten hours today. But only am getting paid for five.
The good news? We have our June CD. And it is AMAZING. I think it's the best since I started working for the company. It features the typical techno that we all know, but it also has some remixes of Top 40 songs you can hear on the radio so that's great. Also, it's really long, which is so so so nice.

So I came home, exhausted, hungry (as I hadn't eaten since that morning). And spent the rest of the night home, bored, because I was supposed to hang out with Jon and Grace. Grace had to work, and Jon forgot to call me before he headed to Mirabar. He was also supposed to call me on his way back from Mirabar but since they closed an hour ago, I would imagine that's not happening either.
He says his type is usually masculine guys, which I'm not. So there's this paranoid part of me that is wondering if that has anything to do with his forgotten calls, his impossible-to-reach-ness.

*sigh* I'm just tired of setting aside time for people and having everything fall through. I'm tired of being stood up, I'm tired of being used, I'm tired of games...
And I'm tired of being broke. I'm tired of ridiculous gas prices. I'm tired of this building I'm living in (my parents' house). I'm tired of not cuddling (because Ryan reminded me how much I love doing that shortly before that all went to cold-shoulder-land).

Oh, and how about, Joey's being all "I have a lot on my mind" and not talkative all of a sudden. So I think I just went from three choices back to none. I don't get it; I'm young, cute and charming, shouldn't I have my pick?

Bah. I don't want to be here right now, but I don't want to go back to Pennsylvania either. This is lame.

I'm in such a bad mood, I hate when I get like this.

Post Holiday Report!

Firstly, I want to apologize for neglecting the blog this week. It's been one of those weeks, y'know? I think everyone else has been busy holidaying as well though, so I hope nobody minded.

Honestly, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. The holiday spirit was short-lived this year, partially due to this blasted house I'm stuck in. Love the people who live in it, but I can not stand this building. You guys will probably notice, I refer to Rhode Island as "home" but I don't call this particular place in Rhode Island that I'm writing to you from "home", ever. It's not. It's more like a hellhole somebody stuck in my home. If I owned a bulldozer, you know what I'd be doing with it.

Anyways, moving on...Christmas was fun. I got a lot of things I'd been waiting for a long time to get. These include several CDs:

• John Mayer - Room for Squares
• John Mayer - Heavier Things
• Original Broadway Cast - Avenue Q
• Lifehouse - Lifehouse

Also, I got Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway"...except I already own that CD so we're going to have to do something about that.

I also got my all time favorite movie ever on DVD -- Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Okay, so I wasn't born yet when it came out but it is such a classic and it so so so so soooooo funny.

I also got a bunch of books, most of which I'd wanted for a very long time.
- Stephen R. Lawhead - Patrick: Son of Ireland
-Stephen R. Lawhead - The Endless Knot
-Stephen R. Lawhead - The Silver King
-Charlaine Harris - Definitely Dead

I also got a book from my Internet friend Lenaria, she sent me Jonathon Livingston Seagull.

I also started playing a new computer game, but I'm not going to say anymore about that. I believe it won't be too long before I make an entry about it.

I went out Wednesday night while the parents had a dinner party. The clubs were not exactly the most exciting they ever are. Still, I was enjoying myself hanging out with Dom, Kyle, and the bartender Ivan (who is quite hot, and has a great sense of humor I discovered) at Club Energy. Then, to my surprise, my friends Chris, Bill, David, Josh, and Pat walked in. They'd been at Club XL, but came by Energy to say hi. A bunch of us headed to a nearby 7/11. I was the only one who wasn't high, and that is all I'm going to say about the magazine pages that were somehow all over the street when we got back to the club. It wasn't long before we decided to pick ourselves up as a group and head to XL, so we did.
I was pleased to see one of the really, really, really hot dancers remembered me from my one visit prior (this past Saturday, I went there with a date...I don't think I blogged about it. Whoops. It was really a very good date though!) He seems like a nice guy, and if I had the money I'd shell out for a private so I could get to know him. Oh well, I guess I'm just going to admire from afar and tip well when I have extra cash.

Tonight I wasn't planning on doing much, but my friend Emerson and I made dinner plans. We haven't seen each other yet this break, although this summer we were basically inseperable. We ate dinner and then, deciding we weren't ready to go home yet, we met up with some of his friends.
Cool. As. Hell. He, like myself, has good taste in who he associates himself with. (Although, that's questionable for me...we'll discuss at a later time...) Hopefully, I'll hang out with these people again before I go back to school.

I also have done a lot of thinking lately. Unfortunately, as confident as I am most of the time, and as great as my life is...when I get introspective like that, it usually has pretty devestating results for something -- be it my friendships, my self-esteem, it's never good....and that's my cliffhanger ending. Tune in next time! :P

PS: I finally got some more pictures from my first weekend dancing in PA!

"You've got so much to do and only so many hours in a day..."

So my weekend, which was crazy as per usual, began early. It began on Thursday night, and what an adventure it was!

You see, Brendan, Cody, Jason, and Josh were planning on visiting Club Apex in Washington D.C. I had not planned on going with, because of Friday's road trip back to Rhode Island.
But I ended up having a very frustrating day on Thursday and I decided that, since every plan I'd set out for that day had been screwed up and twisted in a way that was not fun...I was going to screw up one of my plans in a fun way. And I was going to be spontaneous.

So, 7:30 Thursday night, not a thing packed for the return to RI, I jumped into Cody's red convertible (not as hot as it sounds, trust me. :P) and we left for York. We picked up Josh, and flew down the roads to Maryland to meet up with Brendan. We piled into Brendan's sleek and silver BMW series five (which is plenty hotter than it sounds) and headed down to D.C. where we going to meet up with Jason -- and Chris, who dances with me on weekends!
We went to Soho, which was right near the club, and got food and coffee. I myself got a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake which is pretty much heavenly/orgasmic. Not even kidding, try it some time.
So, then we went to Club Apex. I made some new friends -- three. Two of whom I look forward to seeing next time we go down to Apex. Cody also took a video on his camera...if you look closely, you can see me occassionally when the light is right. I was dancing right in front of him, a little to the right, though sometimes I'm definitely dead center in front of the camera. Thankfully, Cody is taller than me so you can still see stuff. :P
(The picture is of Josh and I.)

Now, I really can't tell you what the point of taking videos inside a club is because you can't see anything...but hey, since it's there, I figured I might as well post it! :P

We got back from D.C. at six in the morning. I set my alarm for 10:30, packed in an hour (I'm discovering now I didn't bring enough clothes that I like to wear out...oh well. I'll do a lot of laundry. :P), slept til 11:30, threw my stuff in the car, got Meghan, said my good-byes....
And then by 12:30 we were off. I drove for a while, we switched when we got to New Jersey. She drove til Connecticutt, and then I drove the rest of the way. We got to my house at around 7:30 that night. Pretty good, since it's an 8 hour train ride and we'd had to brave rush hour near New Haven.

So, I powernapped -- exhausted, and then I was off. I'd gotten a spontaneous invite (well, okay, he sent out a myspace bulletin asking if anyone wanted to go with him) to a party his friends were having. So, I went and met Scott in Providence.
...and I drank more than I should have.
And I think I annoyed Scott. Which, well, I guess he doesn't like me drunk. Oh well, it's not like it happens with any frequency.
But...I made some new friends!

I left there at about 5, got home at 5:30, and slept. Then I woke up and proceeded to get ready for a Christmas party my friends Big Bill, Little Bill, and Chris were hosting. Even though I ended up two hours late (thanks to my mom :P), it was a great time. And, following the theme for the weekend, I made new friends! Most importantly though, I caught up with old ones. And then I stayed to help clean up, and then I went and found out that no matter whether or not where I parked was legal...I didn't get a ticket. :P

Today was interesting because an old friend of my parents came by. You see, my brother and my existence hinged entirely on this person's behavior when he was sixteen. My parents spent a year raising him in his mother's stead.
Apparently, he's also gay and has been with his partner for 14 years. How impressive and inspiring is that? It does happen! :D

"I saw you and the world went away..."

I have had the nicest weekend. I know, I tend to have pretty rockin' weekends, but no, really this one was divine. I am still all aglow.

Friday I was supposed to hang out with Boy-Craig, but his boss....well, let's just say, between the two jobs he works on breaks he pulled a 17 hour day, of work. He was actually awake for 26 hours. That's two hours longer than a full day. So, I was understanding when he decided to sleep instead of hang out with me. In fact, I was kind of glad cause I'd told him that he was crazy to try to hang out with me in the same day (although I told him it was okay if he fell asleep on me).

Instead of hanging out with Boy-Craig, I went out to Club Energy, one of the clubs in Providence. It wasn't too full or anything, but a couple of my friends were there and I made a few new ones, which is always a good thing.
The picture I'm "borrowing" from my new friend Eddie's Facebook.
My job this summer was dancing at a club in Providence. There was quite a lot of drama that went down after I headed off for school. I had only gotten some people's perspectives but I was missing a key point of view: the Boss Man's. Coincidentally enough, especially since apparently neither one of them have been out to Energy since Halloween and before then it had been a while, Big Bill (the Boss Man) and Chris showed up. I kid you not when I say jaws dropped, it was kind of ominous. And I was nervous, I didn't know how they'd react to me after whatever it was that had happened.

So I decided to suck it up, go over, and play nice-and-not-at-all-nervous. They were glad to see me, and I spent most of the rest of the night catching up with them. I got invited to their Christmas party, which is pretty much guaranteed to be a blast and a half. If I'm back from school yet, which I should be, I am so incredibly there.
And Bill, being Bill, starts introducing me to people as his "son", like no time has passed. He's awesome. He also said if I had a date for the Christmas party, just to bring them and not to even call ahead. That was something I had kind of forgotten, what so great about the people I was around this summer: I really belonged. Before this summer that was something I wasn't used to in Rhode Island. I get that feeling of belonging a lot more at school, though.
Oh, ps, huuuge congratulations to Chris and Bill. They're engaged, with their families' blessings, despite a major age difference and the fact that they're gay. Don't you love New England? That's pretty much unheard of in Pennsylvania -- particularly the engaged part.

The next day, however, is when the weekend got really and truly fantastic. You see, I went to my interview and that was fine. And speaking of which I have to e-mail the reporter like now with some pictures and my resume.
Then Boy-Craig called me to let me know he was out of work and I should meet him at Olive Garden near his work. So I went, found him...and his mother and grandmother! Whoa, surprise! But they were very nice, and I turned on my charms which have never yet failed on a parent. They have, on occassion, been known to make the parent like me better than their own child. Okay, so that was once, but still.
Anyways, I helped Craig back up to go back to his school and then we went there, rented Madagascar and started to watch...and cuddle. We got invited over to his friend's sorority some time later where we watched Mask and then Van Wilder, which was so funny. We all crashed there though, Craig and I in her roommates bed.
Sleeping in Craig's arms was so, so, so, so, so, so nice. He snores a little bit, but rythmically and not intrusively so it actually is the sort of thing that helps me sleep. Sometimes he'd squeeze me a little bit tighter. Sometimes he was clearly awake, because he'd lift up his head like to look at me sleeping (which I was trying to so I looked like I was), and then once...he brushed his lips across the back of my neck. It was so sweet. It was, dare I say it? Perfect.

We spent most of today talking online while we did homework. Then he called me and invited me over, and I went. I just chilled with him and his fraternity brothers, who are so chill.

We're at a good place right now. We're not dating, per say, because of the distance. Should we both be single at such a time when there is time (like, oh say, a three month summer vacation...which, oh, not too too far away!) to start a relationship, we'll try it and see if what happens. Til then...well, we'll just play it by ear.
But I'm content with that. If it's meant to be, it will be. I don't think we could possibly screw up badly enough to stop it.

Random question: when I'm typing, how can I get an accent over a letter? I know there's a way, but I'm not sure if it requires a number pad (in which case I'm screwed cause of, hey, laptop!)

Graham makes a frowny face...

Ah boy.

Boy-Anthony, my boyfriend, who as of yet has not been able to have that serious talk we need to have about his trust issues, is ill. He has strep throat (the germs of which are the picture to the left), mono, and tonsilitis.

But I'm not with Anthony. I am in Rhode Island. And, as I imagined, things here are not pretty with the group of people from this summer. I mean, I imagine Michael and Kyle are fine. And, hey, Matt's fine (now) as well, from the sounds of it.

Meanwhile, I've heard nothing from Kenny or John in about a week. I've seen them online, but they haven't replied to me at all. Chris, Bill, and Bill are still disappeared -- which may be for the best. And Linda...oh, who knows?
And then there's Boy-Neil. He's amazing, amazing, amazing. I'm so hung up on him. But he sometimes makes the worst, most self-destructive decisions, for which I hate him. There's so much potential in him.
But can it ever be a good idea to at the age of 18 get engaged to someone you've only known for maybe two months? I don't think so. Maybe I'm jealous here, maybe I'm overprotective of my friends...mostly, I think, I'm just concerned he's making a huge mistake.

And that pretty much makes me miserable.