"No matter how cloudy the sky gets, the sun always comes back out." -Jesse

I was writing a Pretty Person of the Week about Matt Damon but...

I realized I missed a very important date. And in some ways that's good. But in other ways it's not so much.
I feel kinda like an asshat for missing this. But it's alright. Muse was late too. Only six days but that's beside the point. The point is we had the same excuse: we were living, which is what Jessee wants us to do. We weren't spending the day grieving for her, which I'm sure is exactly what she didn't want.

We weren't grieving, but we remembered her. As we do every day. The most important part though? We weren't thinking of her tragic passing, we were thinking about the lessons she taught us while she was alive.

Oh shit, now I'm teary eyed. It's been like three sentences! Those waterworks...can't get a break...

I think the biggest regret I have about June 13 this year isn't that I didn't write about her. It's that I didn't log onto Utopia Skye or Yahoo! Messenger at all. Utopia Skye was the online community that she, Muse, and I (and several others) formed out of our shared addiction -- however geeky -- of MMORPGs. I should have seen that everyone else she knew and loved was doing the same. More than that, I should have sent an IM to Al, her fiance. He's a strong guy, but I know how much he appreciates the support we give.

Now, I'm sure some of you remember the last time I talked about Jessee. I won't repeat that story. I have one to share...I just adore telling it.

As I said, she and I were sick at the same time and we helped each other through our rougher days. We had a lot of ways we cooked up of escaping reality and just being happy, free, fun-loving people living life when in fact both of us were very very sick and death was really a tangible thing for both of us. We had different approaches to dealing when we were apart -- she tried to make a difference in the world with the time she had left (and she succeeded) while telling us about what fun things she would do when she got better (some of which she did despite not getting better), and I pretended like I was immortal and this was just a stumbling block (which turned out to be true).

We learned quickly that this morbid fact was not the only thing we had in common. We had friends in common, online anyways. We had our online games in common. Most importantly, we had dessert in common.
We frequently talked about life -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.
More often than not, we went on adventures. We would create stories about she and myself in our desperate search for the perfect cake. Thus was born the adventures of Jessee the Cake Bandit!!!
Yes, it sounds weird, but remember: both of us were ridiculously heavily medicated pretty much all of the time. It explains a lot.
Of course, such adventures were sometimes too good not to post on the Utopia Skye forums...so they are preserved for all. I was going to post one such adventure, but I can't decide which to do....
There was the PB&J fiasco -- one of many where we actually were rivals.
Or there's the entire episode of the thread on the forums that had no topic.
And there was the time we went shopping for new bodies...
And when we tried to go an adventure, but couldn't think of any ideas which led to an adventure in and of itself....
Or the time Jessee tried to get me to play There which was kind of a disaster -- at least for the elephant.
Then there was that time Jessee accidentally got me abducted by evil aliens.
And when Jessee thought my birthday was on June 7th....which was actually good because she got to say happy birthday and she didn't get to say it on the real day. :(
And there was that epic battle of me vs. Jessee over the waffles, a battle which ultimately cost Aunt Jemima and Little Debby their freedom.
And we can never forget that time we made a fairy tale...The King Who Lost His Emu. A classic.

I'm gonna let you guys decide which story you want me to share.

Anyways, there's some pictures that Jessee drew scattered throughout this post. Yahoo! Messenger has a Doodle thing....she loved it. :)
And some other significant pictures too.

She always told Muse (and later on, myself and our friend Tony) about this beach she would dream of, where she still had her long beautiful hair that had been ravaged by her chemotherapy. She was so peaceful there, it was her favorite place to go.
Of course, it wasn't a physical place, it was a fantasy dream world....a nice little paradise to escape to. I know that's where she is now, and she's probably brushing her hair, and eating cake, ice cream, donuts, pie, PB&J sandwiches (the way my mother makes them, not hers! :-P) and drinking soda (not pop!) and milk with cookies -- all without gaining any weight. I hope she's also getting a nice swim in between bites (cause I know she doesn't have to wait to swim at this beach, what's the paradise in that??)!

PS Muse, I'm sure everyone would love to celebrate any number of things when the radio is running for MuseCon this year, I hope Spider's recovery will be primary among them. :)

"No, it don't make sense that the sun can still burn down..."

I'm sure I'd seen her, but I hadn't spoken to her. I didn't know her.

We had some friends in common. Facebook says we had 35 friends in common, but we probably had more than that, knowing this campus. We were even in some Facebook groups together -- like "I Give Sass" (which she had just joined).
But I didn't know her.

She worked here, she learned here, she ate here, she lived here. She went for a run this afternoon, and now she doesn't do any of that anymore.

My best friend and, currently, my stage manager knew her. That was tough to see. She's bubbly, she's always happy, always smiling. I didn't see even the corner of her mouth turn up all rehearsal -- all four hours I was there -- even at the funny bits. She sat there, arms crossed. There is nothing like that to make someone feel horribly helpless.

Another friend of mine, Dawn, one of the few lesbians I talk to regularly (not that I have anything against lesbians in general, I just can't stand most of the ones I know...) and one of the strongest girls I know, was on the track team with the girl. I saw her and another friend of ours just after their team meeting. I went to catch up with Dawn and our friend and give her a hug, cause it was pretty obvious the whole team was really upset. Dawn turned around, and I almost lost it.
She had that face, the only facial expression I know of that's more depressing, more upsetting, than seeing someone cry. When the eyes fill with water, but they just won't leak. The jaw is stiff, the mouth is in this twisted version of a determined smile. You can't tell if they're trying not to cry or if they're beyond tears. That was Dawn's face.

No one really knows what happens, except that she was here, she went for a run, and now she's gone. There's speculation, rumors, there's the cold hard facts of the investigation which I won't go into because aside from making it even easier to stalk me than I have already made it...they're pretty gruesome.

I didn't know her. But it feels kinda like I did.

EDIT: Sorry, but I don't think there'll be a pretty person this week.