There's an energy washing chemically over me

This boyfriend thing is taking up a tons of time I could be devoting to blogging, so I want to apologize straight up for my neglect. I'm going to run a quick overview of things since I've been back from my road trip...

Saturday, July 5
I came home and Chris came and picked me up that night. We hung out for a while and then went out to Mirabar where I was hoping to run into my friends Billy and Jamie who were visiting from LA. I saw them, and we hung with them for a bit. Then Chris and I left early because I was really tired.

Sunday, July 6
Chris and I went down to Connecticut for a barbeque at my friend Doug's house. We left that early too, more because somebody who shall remain nameless was being a drunken asshole. Let's not discuss that, shall we?

Monday, July 7 - Friday, July 11
Typical week all around, but fun. Much time spent with boyfriend. Starting to sense a theme, are we? I worked Friday night at Dark Lady, it was really nerve-wracking being the first time I'd worked since the incident in the basement Pride. They were having a blackout underwear party which was lots of fun, except it was difficult to tell who was working and who was just naked -- especially since they had five of us on -- Adam, Jamal, Matt, myself, and new boy Tony.

Saturday, July 12
I took the night off of work because it was my dear friend Grace's birthday, and I D.Ded for her. It was good that I was not drinking, because technically alcohol is bad for me with the Crohn's and all and I really needed to step back from the celebrating my 21-ness to realize how much better I was feeling overall back when I was 20. Also celebrating with us that night was Naseer, another friend from high school; his boyfriend Paul; and yet another person from high school Brendan. (How many Brendan's can I possibly have in my life?)

Sunday, July 13
Grace's actual birthday, Chris and I joined her briefly for continued partying -- this time with Courtney, Kilian, and Tara Jane -- all of whom I fondly remember from high school but basically never see anymore. I know, bad friend. It was really nice to reconnect with all of them though. :)
(And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, a picture of Chris and I! Much anticipated, I'm sure. :P)

Monday, July 14
Chris' vacation week began on Monday, so we went to NYC. I know, NYC on a Monday....it seems peculiar. He told me we were going to have dinner and drinks with his mother. I was nervous to say the least, not to mention a lot surprised at how soon I was meeting his mother (a fact that would soon make me a complete hypocrite.) We stayed at the cutest bed & breakfast, called the 414. It's fairly near Time Square. Very centrally located.
After we checked in, we went to lunch at a cute little restaurant, where cute, enthusiastic people provided excellent service. It's too bad the food *sucked* because I really wanted to like the place. Anyways...while we ate, I proceeded to pick apart Chris about this dinner-with-mother thing, more than I already had that is. Turned out I wasn't meeting his mother -- he'd pulled strings and, in just two days, gotten tickets to see Spring Awakening!!!!!! Even though Jonathan Groff is no longer in the cast, it was just as amazing as I remembered it.

Tuesday, July 15
We came back from NYC and made it back JUST in time for my physical therapy appointment. They started me on heavy-duty strengthening excercises that left my arm exhausted and left me not feeling up to very much, so Chris and I headed back to my parents' house, where I am currently residing on the misguided theory that on a Tuesday afternoon nobody would home -- as this is often true.
Instead, everyone was frikkin' home. My brother, who doesn't even live here anymore, was there. Chris spent the rest of the day with me....and my family. Even when Dad took my brother, me, and Chris out for clam cakes. See how I'm a hypocrite? Cause I sure do. And so does Chris, as he will not let me live that down...

Wednesday, July 16
Chris and I hung out more, it being his week off. That night we brought my brother up to the train station, and then brought Topher to work, and then went out for fun at Mirabar. I met a couple of his friends, which was a nice change. :P
Unfortunately, we got into our first big fight when we left. I'm not going to air the details to everyone, especially since it's basically over and done with. If you really want to know, there are plenty of more private ways to get in touch with me, yes? Yes. And then you can blog about it all Gossip-Girl style -- cause we all know how I'd *love* to be in something tabloid-esque.

Thursday, July 17
Chris and I resolved our issues over Facebook. After watching Burn Notice with mom, I went up to Mirabar, where he was working, and Dark Lady to hang out. I got harrassed by a kid who lost Dark Lady's hot body contest and was not happy about it...I decided to be nice and not explain that he might have lost because of how he wasn't actually that hot. I know, normally I'm really honest but that's the sort of thing I like to sugarcoat, and there was just no way of doing that. He lost to a drag queen for crying out loud. (A hot drag queen, but still.) The other people who lost (some of whom were pretty good looking) weren't bothered by it.

Friday, July 18
I got a haircut. Then I worked at Dark Lady. Typical night, with four of us (Adam couldn't work). Drama happened, it didn't involve me. Chris and I went to breakfast afterwards.

Saturday, July 19
Chris and I had a really lazy Saturday, though we went up to the Natick Collection (that's the mall's real name apparently). Then it was Christmas in July. Which was looottttts of fun. Only Matt and I worked, but Jamal and Tony were there -- it was nice to have the added back-up. Cleaning up took til about 4:30 am though. Needless to say I was exhausted when I got to Chris' house. He hadn't had a good night either, though he'd gotten to see several of his friends from MA. So we slept, or tried to sleep, but with both of us being in bad moods at that point it just didn't work out well. So we were exhausted Sunday...

Sunday, July 20
...So we did a lot of sleeping. Or at least, I did, I don't really know what Chris did since I came home. Stayed home too!

Monday, July 21
Today was solidly productive, kind of. Dell is coming tomorrow to fix everything wrong with my computer. The warranty is done on August 18, and if I don't get it fixed I'm betting I'll need a new one about August 19.
Then, Chris and I met up and I brought him to Dark Lady as my date to the surprise birthday party of one of the owners. It was fun, although we left a bit early. I don't really like going out on Mondays, you know? Is that weird? Anyways...that brings us to now.

Tuesday, July 22
I'm going to try this sleeping thing again. I was trying early, it wasn't working out because I was thinking about how I hadn't blogged in forever. Now that I have, hopefully I'll sleep for a few hours before I have to get up to wait for the Dell guy. Then, I'll get to nap again before physical therapy. I hope.

PS Go back to a few of the recent previous posts, there's been new pictures added to some of them! (One of them includes Chris!)

You moved me in a way that I've never known

So, remember how blown away I was last time I told you guys what was going on and how much of a roller coaster this summer was turning into? I had no idea. The most excitement my life has ever seen, I'm not even kidding.

So, things were seeming pretty quiet for a little while. Like, a couple hours. :P My mom's car was in the shop to fix a noise it was making, so our family was juggling cars and that was fine. Almost as soon as mom's car came back, the bumper of dad's car fell off. Like literally. So then his car was in the shop. They were looking for a used bumper so it was in the shop for a while.
And just before we got his car back, I somehow mysteriously managed to have two of my tires go flat. At once. Without hitting a curb, because the road I was driving on doesn't have one. Your guess about that one is as good as mine. Anyways, fortunately when they took it in they discovered my brakes were about to go so they fixed that up for me.

In other news, I met a boy. His name is Chris. He's the most adorable ever. And...as of Monday morning (although, in a when-I-went-to-sleep kind of way it was Sunday night), he's my boyfriend. Yeah, I got a boyfriend. Who knew? :P Not only do I have a boyfriend, but he likes me and I like him too. It's like....an unheard of phenomenon. But it's super nice. :)
Anyways, I'm really happy about that.

Also, we had Pride. Now, Dark Lady had a three-day block party for Pride and I volunteered to work all three nights cause, hello, this boy needs the cashy cashy goodness. Friday night went decently, not fantastically.
And then, at the end of the night, a bunch of guys from Trixx came up to the stage and decided they wanted to get up. Which is all well and good, except we hadn't really said they could. Anyways, long story shortened, I ended up dancing with TJ Hawke. And like ten minutes later, I had met Guy Parker and Jesse Santana and dragged them up on stage with me. At the end of the night, I was hanging out with them and some of the Trixx boys, one of whom I hadn't met before but who tells me he's going to be going to school out near my school, actually! They all tell me I have to come by Trixx the next day and I tell them...if I get some time off during the night. But in my head, I'm like "What are the chances of that?"
(The boys with their shirts lifted up are TJ Hawke, Guy Parker, and Jesse Santana. I borrowed this from the Trixx Myspace.)

So, remember last time I learned that if a porn star invites you somewhere, you should just go? This is still a true fact. But we'll get to that.

First, the Pride Parade. After wandering around Providence for much of the day and miraculously avoiding sunburn, we went to Dark Lady to get ready. I was all decked out in green (I was either Tinkerballs or Twinkerbell, up to you...)
Anyways, eventually the parade started and we were off and it was SUPER fun. There's lots of pictures, but I haven't seen any of them yet, so hold your horses. They'll get up here.

Then the party at Dark Lady started. Everyone who wasn't working was having a blast, but it was one of those parties where you have to wonder "Why do I do this again?" Tips were few and far between, I got stepped on, and worse.
I went down into the basement, right? And as I'm going down the stairs, someone turns off the lights. The light switch is at the top of the stairs. I'm like "oh, crap" cause it's not hard to figure out what's going on. Fortunately, I have pretty good night vision and there's light from an exit sign down there to help with the seeing things. So I scamper down the stairs, grab my phone from out of my pants and start screaming things about how he needs to go upstairs while I'm trying to send out text messages to everyone who is there saying that I need help in the basement. But, unfortunately, I'm in the basement so almost none of them went out. Meanwhile this fat guy is liking slowly coming down the stairs, but, thanks to my screaming he disappears back out of sight. But I didn't hear the door open so I figure he's still up there. So I crept in an as-out-of-sight place as I could and waited. And about twenty minutes later, one of the bartenders came down. I've never been so relieved in my life. He made fun of me, but he saved my ass so that's okay.

And that's the story of why I asked for Sunday night off even though it was a three-day block party. See, I should totally have gone to party with porn stars instead.

Sunday I hung out with Chris, which was super nice. We watched Camp which is a really good movie, but if the guy who played Vlad ever comes to RI I think I'm going to get dumped for him. (I think I would understand though, and I would probably even take Chris back when it turns out the actor's a horrible person in real life. :P)

Then Monday was my birthday. Cody was thinking he was going to come up to RI, but he didn't (chill, it's all cool) so I was going to spend the day doing basically nothing when I get a phone call from Matt saying he's at Doug's still (from Saturday night after the block party...someone else missed work on Sunday!!) and we decided I should come over for lunch.
And booze. Oh good god, booze. I became a total shitshow, which would have fine if I was actually fine but apparently I was more upset by Saturday night than I ever realized. I started throwing up, and then I started with the sobbing and breaking down. It was pretty and now that I've aired it on here, let's please not speak of it again. Then there was like an hour I don't remember, but the next thing I remember is being on the phone with Chris and he says I told him he woke me up, so I'm guessing I was asleep. Then we watched the end of South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. And then Doug made filet mignon on his grill. And then they brought out the ice cream cake. And then Matt and I headed up to Providence and I got to my birthday party an hour late. I got to be a shitshow once more (not as bad as that afternoon), but Chris -- bless him -- drove me to his house and took care of me.

Last night Chris and I went to Downcity Diner for dinner -- it was delicious. So good. Then we went to karaoke at Dark Lady. Now I'm home, packing for leaving for PA tomorrow. We must continue the 21st birthday parties!! (Though hopefully with less drinking than we had the first day. Agh, agh, agh!)

So, yeah, more pictures coming soon!!!!

Oh, and what I got for my birthday: Will & Grace Season One, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, two Grand Canyon keychains (because I collect keychains but I hadn't started collecting when we went to the Grand Canyon when I was in 2nd grade), a pair of shorts, money, and several CDs including Spring Awakening and the Moldy Peaches (who did the music for Juno). So yay!

Like a Polaroid Picture

So I'm putting forth a great deal of effort here as I am thoroughly unmedicated right now. It feels about equivalent to how I imagine it would feel if someone were taking a rusty, dull, serrated saw and attacking my elbow with it.

I'm going to talk to you today about go go dancing. Why? One, because I miss it lately. Like, a lot. Two, because I have lots of hot pictures of other people go go dancing to share with you too, so pay attention. Three, because lots of people have questions about the job, and hopefully this will answer some and if it does leave a comment!! I'm interested in hearing your questions, comments, and thoughts about go go dancing!

Anyways, I do miss go go dancing. I mean, there's a lot of negatives to dancing in a club. For instance, there's the completely unfounded idea that comes along with anyone who works in any aspect of the sex industry -- that you're also a prostitute. I have never had and would never have sex for money (although I am absolutely not passing any judgement on anyone who does, I don't see a problem with it, it just isn't something I would do). I didn't even do private dances -- not even still at the clubs I've worked at.

But somehow, working in that industry you aren't just a visual object for people to look at -- which is really how it ought to be -- you are a sexual object people believe they can touch and feel as they please. That's a distinct negative, especially when your friends begin to get that idea as well. And while they may not realize this (or they may), there are a good number of people in my social circle at the clubs who treat me in that way.
It's that very idea about dancers that makes dating so difficult.At the same time, I made plenty of friends out of customers and coworkers. Of course, some of my friends distanced themselves when I started to dance. I don't know that that wouldn't happen again, especially since I've gotten back to being closer with some of them since I stopped dancing.
But, respectively, I've also become very distanced from a lot of my other friends I used to see on at least a semi-regular basis when I danced at XS. And if I could manage to stay friends with the ones I've reconnected with, and reconnect with those friends I used to see all the time when I danced.

I also really miss those bonds you form with the people that you dance with. Sure, they're not my best friends, and we may not actually be that close but even now...anybody I danced with, I would do anything for. It's not like a familial bond, it's more of a "I've got your back" kind of a bond. And that's the truth. I did then and I do now have the back of any of my coworkers from my go go days, and I don't think they could do anything to change that. I miss that kind of instant and, in my opinion, necessary bond of a sort of trust (probably the closest thing to trust that I feel with any males, cause, man, I have issues) that builds between dancers.

And without my go go dancing, I would not have had the opportunity to meet the occassional porn stars that I have met and I thus would probably not talk to the models, porn stars, and other beautiful people that I'm a fan of -- some of whom, I would go so far as to call Internet friends (when I use the term friend kind of loosely, anyways).

There's also that whole exhibitionist streak in me. I don't have the best body and I never will. I'm not saying that as a complaint, I love a large number of my flaws (the major exception being my ginormous nose, but other people seem to like it), it's just a statement of fact. That doesn't mean that I don't love for people to see it. And I love seeing other people's bodies -- okay, true, not everyone's but still. It's a whole give-and-take, extremely shallow and vain form of exhibitionism but it's exhibitionism all the same.
I know I can show off a little bit when I'm not working, but it's just not the same. Anyone who's been there and enjoyed the job knows exactly what I mean.

Plus, I just love wearing sexy underwear and dancing is such a good excuse for it.
I also love the make up and themed outfits that we occassionally find ourselves in -- a personal favorite being my "iced out" look for New Year's Eve.

Also, when I was go go dancing I never had the financial issues that I've been running into in the past months. I never made tons (although, it was not uncommon , but it was enough to get me by and -- with the help of a minimum wage day job -- keep me living in fair amounts of comfort too. Now...well, now I am flat ass broke and asking my parents and grandmother for money with some regularity.
As degrading as a lot of people think the job is -- and, yes, in some ways it certainly is -- it helped me be independent from my parents and in that sense I had lots more respect for myself than I do right now because I knew I could rely on myself to pull something together.

I mean, I know in this post I'm ignoring all the things I tend to complain about and hate about go go dancing, but isn't there a down side to most everything?

But anyways, I'm definitely planning to continue dancing at the Dark Lady when I get home for the summer. Hopefully when I come back to this area next school year, I'll be able to get a gig at Town or Be:Bar or Grand Central or some mixture of the aforementioned.
I'm also going to begin working out as soon as my elbow's recovery allows me to. I want to improve on myself.
(Go go dancing photos are stolen from the Myspaces of: Ethan Reynolds, Blake Riley and Cody Fallon and depict Ethan Reynolds, Cody Fallon, Blake Riley, and Roman Heart)Got questions? Go ahead and ask them in the comments!!

"Just give it time, kid, I come to one and all"

Okay. Wow, that's really all I can say. Wow.

Thursday...let me explain Thursday. Katie called me from work and informed me that her doctor had called and determined -- a week later -- that there was actually a fracture on her foot in the x-rays. She was informed that it was urgent for her to see an orthopedic doctor immediately.
So, after my 12:30 class, I took Katie to her appointment with the orthopedic doctor who is coincidentally the same one I am seeing on March 31st about my elbow.
So she filled out her paperwork, and we waited. We got brought to a room. And we wait. Fifty-six minutes we waited -- which is lucky for him, because after an hour I go look for the doctor. (Yeah, I'm one of those guys.) He breezes in, barely introducing himself, feels Katie's foot and says "I didn't see a fracture on the x-rays" and makes like he's going to leave. Without so much as looking at the x-rays with her.
Katie gets upset -- this is the fifth doctor she's seen, and she keeps being tossed back and forth between "it's broken" and "it's just a sprain". The doctor tells his technician to call her family doctor and ask about this supposed fracture. Then, he walks out of the room. The technician makes the five minute phone call and then we spend a half an hour waiting for this doctor to return. When he did, he insisted that even if there was a fracture, it wasn't causing the pain and therefore it wasn't important and he would not be treating it. He diagnosed Katie with a "perrenial tendon sprain", and told her to do physical therapy, and sent her out to the check out.
At the check out desk, they got confused by the lack of a follow up appointment, which confused Katie, so she ended up crying again. The doctor had her brought into a room so he could "try to help her understand" so she wouldn't be upset -- and by that, he meant explain what he'd already explained only this time in a more condescending tone.
All in all, we spent two hours there and saw the doctor for a total of seven minutes.

Then, we had to rush because Katie's relatives were meeting us at our apartment that night for dinner, and I had to pick up my road trip comrades from campus before six o'clock. We sent Ty, Amanda, and Dara in my car to the diner and we ate dinner with Russ, Mandy, and the three little tykes....who, despite was Katie assured me would happen, immediately adopted me (rather than avoiding me). They're fun and good kids but it was still miserable in that I don't like little children sort of way.

Thursday night was a riot. We all went to Club XS (even Katie because that horrible doctor said she could) and almost everyone was there, it was crazy fun! We came back to my apartment and had a slumber party there -- Katie gave up her bed and she and I crashed on my futon.

The next morning, we all left for New England. Well, not as early as we'd intended. We picked up an extra passenger -- my friend Meghan who decided she didn't want to take the train (I've road tripped with her before). Then we stopped for breakfast. So we didn't really leave til like 11 am.
Then there was construction. And traffic. And then a truck blocked our view of a vital road sign and because of this we ended up having to drive through New York City -- fortunately, the navigation on my phone (who we've named Rhonda) saved us. It also got us up through Connecticutt into Massachusetts to Amanada's house, down to Meghan's in RI.
All in all, it was a nine hour drive. Fortunately, the company was good and we switched off drivers.

After just a couple hours home, I set off to work at the Dark Lady's beach party. There were tons of new faces, as well as plenty of familiar ones. It was a great time. I also kinda met a guy. Yeah, I might talk about that later...but at the same time, meeting guys in RI does me how much good? Pretty much none.

Today has been fairly relax. I got coffee with Matt -- the guy from last night -- and then we went and got my car inspected and then I've been chilling at home and running errands but pretty soon I'll be heading out again.

This weekend.......

So, this was a pretty good weekend.

Kind of a slutty one. Which is leading me to this question, which you should all answer in the comments: what was your best sexual experience?

Actually, that was the best part. Most phenomenal sex ever.

(This may be too much information for some of you, but anyways....)
I was shocked that it was so good. Like really shocked. Normally when I'm bottoming, I sort of take control (mostly because I find that most tops don't really know what the hell they're doing) but I was just like "You do what you doing, cause this is amazing."
I mean, it lacked all kinds of things that I find normally make sex better -- it was kind of impersonal, we never kissed, he never once touched any of my spots (but that's okay, because my spots had been getting all kinds of attention from people with no intention of taking care of the horniness they were causing...), there was no oral or foreplay what-so-ever, and we didn't even get into any of my three favorite positions at any point. Nor did we cuddle afterwards, or eat.
And, yet, totally the best sex of my life. I mean, first of all, I was not expecting sex to happen at all, and then I was not expecting anything like...wow-worthy.
Unfortunately, I'm also pretty sure that it was just a one time deal. Which is okay, I mean, at least now I really have something to compare other guys to....

So, I'm wondering about other people's best-sex-ever. Leave me a comment, anonymous or otherwise, and tell me a little bit about it. Are you still with that person? Did you even date that person? Was it surprising or did you expect that it would be good? Talk about it.

By the way, I will not be revealing the identity of this sex god to anyone, so there's really no need to ask.

Moving on, I went to Club XS on Thursday night. I got in free, despite that I no longer work there. This made me extremely happy and, trust me, it will continue if they want me to keep going, because -- and this is probably just that I was spoiled by Providence or maybe XS has gone downhill or something -- but, even though I had fun, it really was not that great.

I did run into Alexis, who is, to this day, my favorite transsexual. Even more favorite than the one who works the corner outside the Dark Lady, and I do love her dearly. :P I haven't seen Alexis in forever, really. She is pretty much the only person left over from when I was dating my evil ex that I actually have the desire to associate with.
And lemme tell ya, the gurl looks GOOD.

I got to see a bunch of my other friends, but nobody I hadn't seen for as long as Alexis.

The next day, I planned to drive down to DC myself but I ended up stopping by my friend Jason's house and we went down together. Of course, Jason is very A-List in DC so he split as soon as we got there. As I'm not A-list down there (yet) he can't really be seen with me for extended periods of time. :P
But I was hanging out with Alphonso (a DC A-lister who will spend time with me in public :P) and some of his friends part of the night, and my good friend Don was there. Don had disappeared for a while, but he seems ready to return. A couple newsflashes about Don -- who is also extremely A-list every where he goes -- he is looking into getting some plays he's written produced. He's also a pretty successful artist. Anyways, we didn't get much chance to catch up because he was wasted but nevertheless, it was great seeing him.

I am pretty sure I will be getting a job at Town (the club in DC.) The dancers make more than we made at XS. I might wait to try to audition til after I've been working out for a while. More on that later.

Saturday was extremely dull, with no job to keep me busy. Katie and I looked and looked for something 18+ to do and, around 10:00 found something in Philly at the 12th Air Command. I was all gung ho, but Katie was, as usual, reasonable, and pointed out that the two of us going to Philly where we know nobody by ourselves was probably going to be lame. Plus, two hour drive meant getting there at midnight, and turning around at 2 am. Not worth it.
I cannot wait to be 21. Not for the alcohol. For the being-able-to-go-wherever-whenever.
Anyways, so we hung out and my friend Billy came over and he hung out with us. We drank a little -- which I probably would not have consumed any alcohol at all if I'd been able to go out. Thank you retarded Pennsylvania alcohol laws. You've managed to cause yet another under-ager (actually, two, cause of Billy) to drink because we lacked an alternative after 9:30 pm.

Today, was very relaxing. It was a very good day.
And just a little bit ago, Katie and I checked out the gym that's not too far away. Actually, it's a ten minute walk, so there's our warm up and cool down right off the bat! It's also very affordable for college students, so it's looking like a very likely place to go.

Sadly, next weekend will be rough. No clubbing or partying because I will have to work overnight shifts at American Eagle. Fortunately, my paycheck is going to be amazing.

I hate PA!

To start with, I need to give a shout out to my friend Genevieve who has confessed to me -- although there may have been alcohol involved :P -- that she is an addict of my blog. She calls it her "new Pink is the New Blog".

I've been inspired now, actually. Kat, Genevieve...our Pink is the New Blog picture could say "Pink is the New Grahambling"...even though Pink is the New Blog was around first...

I decided, the shitty luck I've been having? It's all because of Pennsylvania. Kick in the ass from God: you don't belong here. Move.

Because I had shitty luck in Pennsylvania all the way until I hit New Jersey on the road trip yesterday.
And I had shitty luck trying to take a rest in Connecticutt too but I don't think that was at all connected to anything. :-P

Anyways, here's what's been going on since my last post....I cast my one act, er "short play". They're great.

Gint is over. It was phenomenal and guess what? My dad snuck down to PA to see it!!

My computer's hard drive died. It got replaced but it's taken me a week since then to get my computer operational again since I'm dumb. I got home, and poof, figured it out. PA clouds my brain, I think.

Because my computer wasn't working though, I am now in danger of failing almost all of my classes and my schedule for next semester is TOTALLY screwed the fuck up.

As far as those issues with the other dancer went....well, nothing's really changed. I'm pretty much ignoring that as a problem. I have enough other issues to deal with than the fact that I make less money than the other dancer. And that certain people who are friends of mine start conversations with me by asking "Where's Will?" or don't talk to me at all because they're so focused on him now....
I know, not his fault. And I'm still being friendly to all of these people. But it doesn't make me happy. Because like, now? Now would be a time when having friends would be nice but even the ones who aren't ditching me don't seem to have time for me. All I need is a good movie-and-ice-cream night, am I asking too much?

I am working on getting hotter still, but the progress is slow going. Partly because I'm exhausted all of the time from this feeling of "What's gonna go wrong next?" because something always does.

Oh? As far as the love life goes? So, I was talking to a few guys (other than James, because as we know, hopeless). And I start going on a few dates (two, to be exact) one of them -- Jeremy. (Too many J names, I know!) He even came to see my show, and awkwardly met my dad despite my best efforts, and things seemed to be going pretty good. I did not, however, allow myself to jinx it by thinking the "b" word ("boyfriend", I mean).
So I must've jinxed it some other way, because he's moved the hell on from me. To a high schooler. Now, I know I'm an age-is-just-a-number sort of guy, but a high schooler over me? I cannot fathom that a high schooler has more to offer. But he says he's "happier now than he's ever been", and who am I to stand in the way of a timeless week-old love? It's not like I can compete with singing "Bubbly" over the phone. Maybe because I haven't made the effort to learn the words because I think that it's a little ridiculous to learn something someone else wrote and use it as a way of conveying my emotions? Sorry if I think it'd be more romantic if that sort of a thing were conveyed in something, I don't know, original?
Anyways, I told him my feelings for him in a way-out-of-left-field spilling of heart and soul (something I have never ever done before in my entire life). And when he found out I'd never done that before he said "Oh" which leads me to my latest conclusion:
I've always been doing the right thing by shutting the hell up.
My friends keep saying that when he realizes that a high schooler, no matter how mature, is incapable of having a serious relationship because of the structure of their life and the changes they're about to go through with starting college and all, he's going to come crawling back to me. Question is -- if my friends are right that he'll come back, am I gonna take him back? I've never been much of one for second chances and I've been right before....

Anyways, to sum it all up: men suck, I'm still chronically single, depressed, and am right that spilling your guts is a totally worthless action. (Unless, apparently, you're spilling your guts through someone else's words.)

Ooooooh, but I have a new keyboard! And it's fun to type on because all the keys are there and none of them stick!

And Katie and I went to DC last weekend (when the whole Jeremy thing went down) and visited our friend Ashley and we went to Apex and it was a phenomenal blast!

Now I'm in RI and I need to hop offline so I can go shower because I'm working at the Dark Lady's Thanksgiving Eve party!!

Oooh, I also forgot about this:

Watch More Videos Uploaded by bebo.com/acrowleyorder

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Week from Hell!!

Oh. My. God. This week sucked balls.

Let's start with the weekend actually.

I'm not sure I mentioned the new dancer who was starting? He's also a friend of Cody's -- great guy, and Joel told me to take him under my wing. So I did. I even so much as offered to go underwear shopping with him. We haven't yet -- and that's good! In a totally selfish way, I mean.

See, here's the thing -- even though I made more money than him (not by much) he was getting tons more attention than I was. Which is not a good indicator of future tips. So I need to step it up a notch. I'm getting some of that moisturizer stuff that gradually tans your skin. I'm ordering new and hotter underwear. I'm getting even more serious about my charm and wit on gay networking sites like Manhunt which -- little secret -- most of those (there's some exceptions) -- mostly I use those to stir up customers to come tip me. Does that make me a bad person?

So then Monday rolls around. And I'm deathly sick.
And my friend Sarah tells me that she's been put in charge of, basically, the entire Homecoming float for the drama club. Cause tomorrow, Saturday, is Homecoming.
And it's National Coming Out Week, which is kind of my baby this year. (Okay, I know it was really last week -- we moved it at my school. Next, we're moving Christmas. :P)
And it's crunch time for the main stage play I'm in.
And it's my last week at A&F. (Finished today!!! YAY! Except I don't have another job yet...)
Aaaaaaaaand it's the auditions week for the one acts, which I'm directing one because that's what you have to do when you are taking the Directing class -- a class I need to graduate. In fact, that's why I couldn't be at Club XS last night. Call back auditions.

In the past four days, I think I got eight hours of sleep. I won't be getting much sleep until Sunday night, actually.

Enough of my whining though, I have to go pretend to have a social life (but I'm really using my friends for their couch tonight, so I can get my couple hours of sleep on campus so I don't have to fight for parking tomorrow.)

Wrapping things up...

My life has been crazy. I am trying to tie up loose ends here in Rhode Island while I can, since I leave for Pennsylvania on Friday morning. Eeeek!! I haven't even started packing yet! (Okay, well, I have a little bit but not much!)

My aunt and her husband who live in Arizona were visiting this week. Don't get me wrong, I love them both...but, they are hugely pessimistic. Usually when they visit I get brought down from my normally happy upbeat self and get all depressed because of the gloom and doom they bring up so frequently. And, of course, my mother has to complain because, well, because they are sisters and they can't just get along perfectly.
Fortunately, this visit I was busy and preoccupied enough with other stuff aside from their visit that I didn't get brought down at all. It was just a nice visit.

So, what else has been going on? Other than packing and trying to see everyone? Well, y'know, not much. :P Work, both at Abercrombie & Fitch and at the Dark Lady. And there was that pool party.
(That's a picture of me and the Bossman from Dark Lady!)
Now, the pool party would've been fantastic if fewer of my friends had had to work on Saturday. It was cool though, the people who showed up all had a good time I think. It was mostly people from A&F, Grace came. It was fun!

Then at the end, James showed up. We'd arranged that, since he was passing through RI on his way to Maine, he'd visit. He and his friend Brad were going to crash at my place (cause it's free and because, duh, they didn't make reservations at a hotel.
Those of you who've been reading this blog for forever know this about James: he disappears for months, resurfaces when I think I'm over him and then it turns out that I'm not. Pattern continues to hold true. I made a concerted effort to try to be interested in other people though, so I'm patting myself on the back for that...I think.

Brad, James, and I hit up Mirabar (which was having its 60th anniversary this weekend!) on Saturday night. It was a great time. Everyone was out for it (except the large crowds of people who were at Dark Lady, which we also visited). Billy and Jamie were having their own "good-bye" party since they are leaving, about the same time I am, for Los Angeles! Mirabar's photographer was out too, so James Brad and I will be on the club's website at some point. James has this habit where he attracts a lot of attention. It might have something to do with the fact that he's taller than basically everyone.
They had a "hot underwear contest", which essentially was people stripped down to their underwear and then the names of these people were drawn. James, Brad, and I all participated. Brad frikkin' won! It's a 100 dollar prize!

(James on his phone at the beach...)

So, Sunday, we went up to the beach. Most of the usual crew wasn't there, but Billy and Jamie and their friends all were so we hung out with them. Joel was there, though he was tired so he left early, and Daiv and Preston with their friend Jane showed up as well. It was a fantastic time and there may or may not have been beer and energy drinks with 6.6 alcohol in them called Tilt...I plead the fifth.

(That's Billy on top of J.D and I think Adam...)
(And this other one is Preston and Brad...how cute!)
We spent the afternoon there until the sun started to set. So, we headed to the 99 -- which is a restaurant that's kind of like a pub. We had a great time there too and the food was excellent. If anyone ever finds themselves there, I highly recommend getting the Imperial. It's a seafood casserole with crab meat, lobster meat, and scallops. Now, I don't know what they did but I hate scallops, but I ate these ones and I liked them!
(That last picture is the whole gang...me in front of course!)

We came back to my house quick to shower and change and then it was off to Mirabar again! Brad and Preston had really hit it off at the beach, and as soon as they saw each other at Mirabar they were off together again. My friend Chris, who hasn't been out in Providence since Pride (cause he's from Connecticutt and spends all his time at the clubs there) was there too, so that was super exciting. I saw a guy that looked like how I imagine Roman Heart would look like if he were thin like me, and tall. Obviously, I was attracted to him so the two of us (and James) ended up dancing together most of the night. Part of my efforts to be attracted to other people. After he left, I danced with James for...y'know, the whole rest of the night. It was a lot of fun.

They're off to Maine now and I...I am packing. Wednesday night is my last night out in Providence, as I've told everyone repeatedly. It's not that I'm self-centered.....it's just that I want to make sure everyone is there to see me off. :P

PS I will be adding pictures to this post soonish!

"Now my whoring has turned into art!!!!"

I have several things to discuss here. Very important things of course.

First of all: I've said this before, and I'll say it again. The Wild Party is the most "me" musical there is or has ever been.

Anyone who happens to be thinking something like "Gosh, I'd love to pre-order a CD right now", Darren Hayes' new CDs are coming out on August 25th. I will not be pre-ordering it. However, I may try to sway my parents or an aunt (my aunts enjoy spoiling me...most of my family does. I think this explains a lot) into doing so. Probably after I tell them about that speeding ticket from a few weeks ago. I should get on that, huh?
Anywho, I'm also trying to sway you into pre-ordering it. The faster he becomes a huge megastar in the US, the faster he does a concert here. The sooner he does a concert here, the sooner I can get a backstage pass and become fast friends with him -- and then have him sing at my wedding. See, it's all part of my ebil scheme.
His song "Step Into the Light" is on the July CD at Abercrombie & Fitch, and it makes my life complete.

I am ecstatic, ps, because I just found Roman Heart's Myspace. I sent him an add request. And a message which is something I will probably be embarrassed about for...y'know, the rest of my life. 20/20 hindsight, ya'know? On the other hand, I told him about my repeated failings to see him in person, so he may at least be amused by that. We can hope.

Oh, I got the new Harry Potter today. Late birthday gift. Cause, y'know, I didn't get enough books. Now before I hear everyone's opinions on the series and J.K. Rowling, and all, I will say mine. It is not literature. As a piece of art, really, it's terribly. Rowling is not a writer, she is a storyteller. For all of it's failings as a piece of literature, it is a well-crafted story.
Okay, carry on.

Okay, on to Saturday....because I know you all are dying. Aside from my large (for Dark Lady) amount of tips, the party was sooooooo much fun. Spoon (my friend and the other dancer) and I had trouble finding Christmas themed stuff to wear, so I raided my family's Christmas tree decorations. Yes, we were decked out in garlands. He had managed to find a Santa hat and a red bowler (which I tried to wear, but, once more for the record: I am not a hat person. Especially not bright red bowlers.) I had a red bow tied onto my upper arm. It was pretty hot.
There were tons of photographers there. Of course, some people just wanted photos for their home collection (which makes me kind of annoyed because, of course, they never tip when they take pictures...). Also, a comedian was there, taking pictures for his comic routine. The photographer for EDGE Providence was there. And a photographer from I.N News Weekly was there. Spoon and I ate up the attention. Sort of like we ate up all the free stuff we were getting from the food court. Fat kid at heart much? Yeah, I am.
The party was a great success. Tons of fun. But it was five hours of dancing with no break (because I don't take breaks -- I'll stop dancing to wander around and talk to the crowd, but I don't rest or relax or stop moving ever), versus the usual three hours. So, obviously, we were beat by the end. And then we helped clean up. Which got us plenty of respect from everyone, although, two days later, my body still hates me. Oh well. Mutinies like this make the work day exciting. :-P

(The photo of me was taken by Bill Berggren of I.N. News Weekly. The other two pictures I found on...you guessed it, Google Image Search!)

Whoa, so much going on!

I haven't been updating because, for the most part, there's been nothing going on. And I keep losing track of the days of the week. (Brad, I'm gonna post-date a Matt Damon post to a Thursday, and I'm gonna write it ASAP! Maybe I'll post-date to *next* Thursday...) Looking back though, my vast "nothing" to update on is actually quite a lot of stuff.

So, I got hired at Dark Lady. It's very different from Club XS but also very similar. They schedule us on different nights, but I guess some of the dancers aren't totally reliable because I occassionally get calls on Monday that are like "Hey, come in. Tonight. Yeah, in like an hour would be great." Usually I'm scheduled for Saturday so....
The tips aren't great, we need to publicize the dancers more so we can get better tips. We're working on it.

Speaking of publicizing, and I acknowledge this is rather late if anyone reading this would be planning on going:It's a benefit for FACTS Nursery, which is actually a really good cause, so this is me doing charity work. Who knew I could do a good deed and be almost naked? :P

I have been working at A&F a lot too. Of course, that still leaves plenty of time to have fun. But working there can be quite the adventure too. For example, a woman was evangelizing at me the other day. At work. At Abercrombie & Fitch.
I mean, she started out normal, asking if I liked work, where I was from, my name, etc. Okay, so she was slightly creepy to start out with.
But when I revealed that I'm a city person and she irritably replied with "No you're not. This is God's country!" That's when it hit me: this woman is a religious nut and she's about to give me a message from God.
Now, I have nothing against people who want to spread the word of God. But there's a time, there's a place, and there's a way to do it. This woman had none of the three done correctly. In fact, she broke every rule I'm about to write out.

Graham's Helpful Tips for Evangelizing

1. Do not interrupt a person who is working to tell them about God's love. You are getting in the way of their job, and no God, however happy and loving, is going to sound good when the manager writes up a person because you just couldn't keep the Good News to yourself.
2. If you must evangelize when a person is working, do not stand in the way. Follow them around as they work, sure, but do not stand there making sure they can only be talking to you.
3. If a person you are evangelizing too says something you disagree with, let it go. It might be a matter of opinion. You might be an evangelist, but you're not God, your opinion is not right. Do not tell them cities are bad. Do not tell them that the reason they like to stay busy is because they haven't realized God's love. And, most importantly, do not act like they couldn't possibly know that God loves them without hearing it from you first.
4. Lastly, do not make assumptions about people. If someone says they enjoy going to nightclubs, and you run into them at work, this does not automatically make a person too busy. Do not assume that they have no time in between these two activities. That doesn't make you a messenger of God, it makes you an idiot. I'm just sayin'.

I went out with a bunch of friends from work. To a straight club. Well, two straight clubs. Those places are frikkin' expensive, can I just say? But it was fun. Straight people do not, as a whole, party as hard as gay people do at clubs. I mean, I was sober, and for all the drinking they did to loosen up and have a good time...I was having just as much fun as they were without a drop. I was a little off my game at first cause I felt a little awkward but, oh well. It was a good time, definitely.

And here's a horrible picture of me at the Roxy...

"A feeling, a moment, a bursting of bubbles..."

I am having a serious Darren Hayes day. Okay, week. Month. Life. Shut up, I'm not obsessed.
First, there's his new music video, which I have been watching repeatedly for roughly since I first found out about it. When I can't actually watch it, I play it in my head. :P I don't understand the video, it's a little trippy, but I adore it anyways.

He also is on the new A&F CD with his song (from his upcoming album) "Step Into the Light". My manager laughed at me when I got all excited over the song, cause I was telling her about it (she'd missed it on her break) and she said something along the lines of "I'll know which song it is because I'll just watch you have a seizure." Yeah, I was that excited.

I've now worked at the Dark Lady three times. It needs to publicize its dancers a lot more, which is something we (the dancers) are going to begin working on immediately. I only have a few weeks left of my summer, and I'd like to have the club be much more profitable by the time I come back in the winter and next summer, y'know?
Still, it's a suuuuper fun place to work, and that's nice. :)

"Beauty is Only Skin Deep...

...but ugly goes clear to the bone." I read that once, in a book called Garfield's Book of Put-Downs, Insults, and Slams, one of many books I borrowed from my brother in my teenage years. I never got it before, but it might be starting to make sense.

So, some of you may have noticed Shayerahol's comment on my last blog, and he's right I didn't make a seperate post to continue my debate with him so that's entirely my fault. I'm doing so now because I realize that's really not appropriate to have on a post about Jessee. He and I have been engaging in a debate on Alexsander's blog, but I decided that it really shouldn't be there since Alex wasn't a part of the blog and it was getting increasingly less polite (though I was trying to be nice!) I invited him to e-mail me privately, feeling he might not want to publicly humiliate himself through this argument. He's decided e-mailing is only for friends (talk to one of my ex-boyfriends though, he'll tell you otherwise. :-P) and has decided to be public about this. That's fine.
He also mentioned that no one like me would ever be friends with him. I wonder if he means college students, sane people, gay people, young people, people in general, Caucasians, or people he's ever written anything to. All of the above, maybe?

So, to recap, I'm going to explain my side of this...Shayerahol is more than welcome to explain his side in his comment. Or on his blog...if he ever gets one. (Just an aside: most people have their own blog as a place to share their opinion with the world, rather than going and leaving dissenting opinions on everyone else's blogs? Think about it. It's an especially good idea for people with ridiculously strong and highly offensive convictions....not saying names...)

So he leaves some comments on Alexsander's post about L.A. Pride, calling Prides skankfests and so-on-and-so-forth. The first comment was deleted, which of course riles up Shayerahol and he starts on about Freedom of Speech...which doesn't apply to comments on personal blogs because of that little word "personal" that's thrown in there.
Anyways, because I'm nosey, among other flaws, I replied. Realizing this was probably a mistake I said "I hate to feed the trolls but..." and, because as far as I can tell Shayerahol seeks out opportunities to claim he's being discriminated against, decided this meant I was calling him ugly by using the term troll.

Now, I want you all to pause for a second and flip the common sense switch to "on" if it's not there already. Troll, on the internet, is a term meaning someone who is trying to start an argument. "Feed the trolls" has one meaning and one meaning only, anywhere, which is to reply to an Internet troll. I've provided links to prove that. But, having pointed this out to him, he accused me of backpedaling.
(And in case anyone's wondering, when I apologized for using the word troll which he correctly reasoned was fake was fake only because I was apologizing for something I didn't do. How could it possibly have been real? I mean, I could have apologized for offending him, but, as you'll see...I think we're fairly even as far as that goes so I don't think an apology is necessary there.)

Then he made an analogy of what if Isaiah Washington said he meant a "bundle of sticks used for kindling" when he said "faggot" -- I think he might have forgotten that that's where Isaiah Washington came into this, just because he seemed to think the two of us were being compared for our opinions of the word "faggot".
(On a totally unrelated note, I don't watch Grey's Anatomy, but I think Isaiah Washington might be right about getting fired for racist reasons, but I don't really know because I'm not actually paying attention because I don't watch Grey's.)

Which is another point of our debate, actually. He's arguing that the word is, in and of itself, offensive. Which is a valid argument, I understand the reasoning behind it, I just happen to disagree. I don't think a word can be offensive on its own, the intent behind it and any actions that come with it, that's where a word becomes offensive.

Looking for further ways to claim I'm discriminatory, he has latched onto the idea that the "Cracker" in my user name is an indication that I'm a white supremacist and that there is no way at all it could possibly be related to the fact that my name is Graham and I've been called Graham Cracker, quite literally, since the day I was born. I've explained this to him several times but to not avail. Apparently, I'm racist....against myself. (Which, for the record, Shayerahol, I have never in my life heard of anyone using the word "cracker", meaning white person, proudly.)

Now, I have given him some room here. I admitted freely to being shallow -- which we all know is true. However, he seems convinced that because I think about whether or not someone is attractive, I use this to judge their character, talent, and worth and that I discriminate against ugly people. That's the furthest thing from the truth.
He looked on profile and picked out the gogo dancing -- which he's decided defines who I am -- and I admitted the job relies entirely on being pretty, and of course, manipulating people. I admitted the job was immoral, and even said I didn't care all that much. He says this makes me amoral, and honestly he can think that if he'd like. Personally, I disagree...but then, I know me and he just judges me. Aside, how immoral is it when the people who are tipping are looking for that? I'm just giving them what they want. But that's neither here nor there.
Of course, the mere fact that I am a gogo boy, even now that I have outlined all of the reaons I have for doing it (y'know, I'm a full-time student, I have a day job too, but $30,000 of medical bills and $32,000 yearly tuition, plus monthly rent now, and extracurricular activities, and I already have all the financial aid I can get...), makes me a villain. "Other college students can get by without doing it."
Uhm, no, most other college students can get by without doing it. If you're under the impression that I'm the only one, then can you explain to me why are there bumper stickers and t-shirts that say "I pole dance to pay my tuition"? Or maybe why there's books about college students who stripped to get through college? Or why no one at school is at all phased by this? Or why it's actually a pretty common night job for college students - gay and straight - to have?
Let me put it this way: unless mommy and daddy are rich, you are a full-time student with anywhere between one to four part-time jobs. One of those jobs is almost guaranteed to be a night job with tips and probably under-the-table pay.

So, his arguments have been that the gay community is shallow. I pointed out that that's actually like the whole rest of the world. He returned, basically, that we should be better than the rest of society, my question -- which has gone unanswered so far: if we seperate ourselves even more from the straight world, how are we supposed to be accepted in it?

Now, aside from his railing against the shallowness of the gay community, there's also his determination that Prides are entirely about how people look. I pointed out, going from my personal experience of Prides I've been to, three which do not fit his stereotype of a Pridefest. They are actually all of the Prides that I've been to. He replied that it was three out of zillions. Now, I have to assume that he expects me to believe he's been to zillions of Prides...which, oddly enough, I don't so his argument is a little unconvincing. I mean, why would someone who hates Prides I do believe he's judging this based off of the pictures he happens to see...but, obviously, since he reads the blogs of young, hormonally active gay boys we're going to post our favorite photos -- which generally will have our friends and people we wish were our friends-with-benefits, y'know? Not at all different from the blogs of young, hormonally active straight boys who post photos of gorgeous women whenever they have an opportunity.

Some comic relief from early in the debate, because I know some of you love comedy...I said, metaphorically, that every day was straight pride and he asked: "Do straight men behave like drugged up, drunken whores in public?" Now, I don't know how many of you have ever been out in public -- I'm assuming most of you, but it's a lot like hormones on parade. Especially at places where teenagers hang out -- malls, beaches, movie theaters, schools, coffee shops, bars, streets, CVS, parking lots....and I'm pretty sure those are not gay people. :-P

Our final point of contention is actually just a matter of opinion, so neither of us will win that argument. I happen to think Frenchie Davis needs hair. That's all I'm saying. I don't think she looks good without hair. I think she is amazingly talented.
I also think Sean van der Wilt is talented, though not as much as Frenchie. Apparently the fact that I like his music despite it's unoriginality is somehow offensive to Shayerahol. He seems to think he can't possibly be talented because a) no one's ever heard of him, and b) because he's white and pretty. Which kinda sounds like the racism and lookism Shayerahol accuses everyone else of. Hmmmm, funny about that.

The good news is, we both agree that Angelina Jolie is only where she is because she's pretty. Then again, I think most people would agree with that. I'm sure Angelina would agree with that.

In closing, I'd just like to say another one-liner I read once, this time on a website full of famous quotes: "Beauty is only skin deep. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"

(Brad, I KNOW I still owe you a Matt Damon post!! I was all set to do it, but I saw Shayerahol's comment and was like "Oh, I should do this..."
(DISCLAIMER: As usual, I stole most of the pictures from Google Image Search.)

Birthday Weekend!!

Okay, where did I leave you guys off at? Oh, yes, yes...I told you it was my birthday but neglected to mention anything else.

So, sad news: I haven't run into car guy again. Not that I haven't tried, but that's beside the point.

So, Friday night I went to Topher's house and happened to be there at midnight when it became my birthday. So yay that! Shortly thereafter we went to Dark Lady where we talked to the manager. He told me to come in Tuesday to get scheduled. YAY JOB!!

Anywho, Adam was at Dark Lady and told us that Jon was at Dark Lady. Now, Jon and I were still in a rather bizarre place because of the things he'd drunkenly said at Pride...so I thought "okay, we'll go over." Topher and I went and hung out outside of Mirabar. That was super fun, actually, as there wasn't much time left for them to be open and everyone kept coming out, so we actually saw a million people. Including Jon. Who was with a boy, but whatever.

So I met a man named Steve who took Adam, Topher, and I out to breakfast for my birthday. We had invited Jon and his boy, but they showed up at the restaurant to tell us they couldn't eat with us. Because, y'know, not coming wouldn't have gotten the message across. :P After I gorged myself on chocolate chip pancakes, I went home and went to sleep.

I woke up, showered, got dressed and went to work at A&F. Work was a lot of fun, especially because everyone was bragging to everyone about how it was my birthday. And my manager gave me a walkie-talkie to use for the day. It was exciting.
After work, I went to dinner just outside the mall with my family. Grace waits tables at a restaurant there, so of course we went to torture her. It was good food, and of course she tried to embarrass me by having the whole staff of the restaurant come to do their birthday chant thing to me. Unfortunately for her, the first line of the chant is "We can't sing, so here's our thing".
So I said to her, "But you can sing, what gives?" :D

We left the restaurant and headed to Providence for Waterfire. There's really no way of describing Waterfire, so I won't...but if they're having one on your birthday, and you're in Rhode Island...there is just no way you miss it. So we went.
After that I headed to Energy and ran into tons of people. Chris and Bill were out, Dave and Josh, Bill, Roland, Scott and Mike...it was a good time. Grace met up with me there after she got off work and we met some new friends there (another Dave...we need more names in this city!). After that, a bunch of us trekked to Mirabar. She and I ran into Kenny there, which was so exciting. His boyfriend John was, unfortunately, not out. I didn't know why, but I just talked to John so I know why now. :P

Anywho, following going out, and almost everyone was out so that was fun, a bunch of us headed out for breakfast. I didn't know most of the group, but they all turned out to be fabulous and amazing. Josh and Grace were actually the only two I knew ahead of time. It was a great time, and I got home at, I think, 5:30 in the morning. I was the first one home.

I woke up the next day, showered, and was almost immediately told that the whole family was there for my birthday and I was the only one missing. Yikes.
So I scrambled to get dressed and ran downstairs and we chatted for a bit, then ate lunch, then did presents. The loot report was such:
-Dungeon Siege II: Broken World (my brother burned it for me because he knows how much I was dying for that! I'm a big fan of the Dungeon Siege games)
-Living Dead in Dallas by Charlaine Harris (the second book of the Southern Vampire novels...of which I have the first, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth.)
-The Dragon King Saga by Stephen Lawhead (he's totally my favorite author and this series, which my dad found all in one book, has been on my list for years)
-A new battery for my laptop, it desperately needed it. Unfortch, my dad got me an upgraded battery and it won't charge on the adapter I have, which I can't explain. It may that my adapter was dead, not my old battery. Who knows?
-Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
-Son of a Witch by Gregory Macguire (the sequel to Wicked, which I have and read.)
-Eragon (Inheritance, Book 1) by Christopher Paolini.
And plenty of money. All in all, a good haul. :)

Anyways, yesterday I worked at A&F. It was horrible, we won't discuss it.
Today's been good. No work. Jon and I are supposed to hang out soon, and then he Grace and I should be going to Justin's movie night, and then I'm stopping by Energy to see John and Kenny and then I'm going to Dark Lady to get scheduled and then I will returning to Justin's house to finish movie night.

For those of you in the US, please, please, please, please visit this link, watch the video, and fill out the form.

"We knew all the answers and we shouted them like anthems"

...I may have jumped the gun because my mood was so BLAH yesterday.

So, let's start with Joey.

He's cute, and generous, and sweet, and nice, and funny, and romantic.......

But he's got this thing. He worries a lot. And it makes him distant sometimes, and I'm not sure I can handle that. He's worrying about this that and the other thing, most of which are things he should actually be concerned with. But then he's also worrying about, for instance, what will happen when I go back to PA at the end of August. I haven't had a relationship that lasted that long, ever. And planning that far ahead makes me feel stifled. So, that actually isn't going well, but it's for kind of a stupid reason, I think.

Then we have Ryan.

Everyone and my brain are telling me to move on, forget about him, he's already forgotten about me and he's bad news as it is. So, despite the fact that I've figured out what I did (and it's stupid, and he's jealous, and it's totally something that should be a non-issue if I'm right) and I could apologize, and part of me wants to apologize...I don't think I'm going to.

And last, but definitely not last, there's Jon. And despite the fact that yesterday it seemed like there was a problem...it's pretty evident there's not. I'm just an attention whore and I need to tone it down a little so that I'm actually also a human being.

But I am down numbers in the choices area. And, rereading this, it's not even a choice anymore. This reeks of a decision that has been made.

In more good news? Look what I stumbled upon from the club Dark Lady today:

Dark Lady is the club that most of the drag queens of Providence hang out at (to my knowledge) and since drag queens usually love me (except when they hate me, so we'll see) I think I have a good shot at this.

So much going down!

Oh, this post does get a picture because it's Pride month and I can never turn down a good challenge.

Otherwise, this may be the longest, picture-less post I have ever written. However, I guarantee...not a dull moment in the whole thing. Lord knows I haven't had one.

Firstly, I'd like to let you know...I will not be working at XL. The attitude of the boss during my audition (which ended up being Tuesday) was atrocious. I hate trash-talking people on here, but I can't help it at all. The man clearly doesn't realize that without his dancers, he's getting unemployment checks every month. Not only did he treat me in a condescending, almost contemptuous way...I hung out with some of the dancers after the club closed. Okay, basically I gave them rides then went home, but whatev. I was happy to do it. They were talking about their work, of course, and it occurred to me: this is why the crowds are small there. The club delivers sexy dancers, but the best product is sexy dancers who enjoy themselves. I don't want to work at a club that isn't capable of delivering the best. I don't know what I'll do, but it was suggested by Katie that, even though I'd be a terrible waiter, I'd probably do a decent job of being a busboy. I just have to find a place to do it now. It's an insta-cash job and that's what I want.

At some point early in the week, I forget which night, Jon called and invited me over at like 3 in the morning. I went over and we talked and he microwaved some stolen leftovers from one of the restaurants he works at, which were delicious. And the dessert was this chocolate thing, and it was SOOO gooey and delicious.

So, Wednesday I went out with Grace to Mirabar. She met many of my friends, made some news ones (as did I) and was a HUGE hit. Saturday when I went out without her, one of the shot boys (Joey) stopped me and was like "Where's Grace?" and he seemed rather displeased that I was out without her.
Actually, there was a similar reaction when people saw me Thursday night. And tonight. Geez, I can't go anywhere without her...
Afterwards, Grace and I convinced some people to come out to the Denny's Jon works at. I wasn't sure if he was working, but I was crossing my fingers. And my hunch paid off -- he was! While we waited for the others to show up, a bunch of his regulars came in from WalMart and some of them started hassling him.
"What's your type? Me?" one of them asked.
"No," Jon said, not missing a beat, "My type's sitting right over there." And he pointed at me. And I glowed and pretended to be embarrassed. It was sweet.
He also pulled some strings and it ended up that none of the six of us had to pay for anything. Also, very, extremely sweet.

Friday was when the drama was.
It started at work. I was working, and I saw this hot guy come in with another guy. I recognized the hot one, I'd seen him out at Mirabar. I was busy, so I didn't help them. But I did smile at them, like I smile at all the customers.

That night, I went to Mirabar and the first person I see is the other guy. He flicks me off, and I shrug it off because whatever, maybe he's psycho. I check out the club, but there's really nobody there I know so I make for the door to go see if anyone's at Energy.
As I get to the door, a hand grabs my arm and all of a sudden the hot guy is making out with me.

Now, a normal person would probably freak out over this, but it's one of my fantasies to be stopped and given an amazing kiss in that exact way. So I weakened. Plus, did I mention how he's hot?
So when he said they were going to Energy, and I should come, I agreed. The other guy -- Danny -- didn't seem so keen on the idea. In fact, he got pretty frikkin' angry. But the (totally shit-faced) girls they were out with helped me ignore the drama between Ryan (the hottie) and Danny.

That is, up until they made me laugh. At which point Danny snapped, "If he doesn't stop smiling I'm gonna sock him in the face." Which was ridiculous to say, so of course I didn't stop smiling. So he threw three punches. Fortunately, I can take punches and he was drunk so he may as well have thrown some pillows at me.
Ryan pulled the car over and dragged Danny out where they proceeded to argue vehemently about me. Then things got scary -- one of the girls slid into the driver's seat and took off around the block. After we'd circled the block once, and nearly died several times, we convinced her to park and I took over in the driver's seat while we waited for Danny and Ryan to finish arguing.

They did and Danny insisted that he be taken to his car. So we set off, leaving me absolutely confused because, oh yeah, my car was in Providence and Danny's was in Warwick. Not the same place. Not even nearly.

So I spent the night hanging out with Ryan and his girls, and ended up crashing there and cuddling with Ryan. When I woke up my shirt was missing. Uh.......okay?
Anywho, despite all of his protestations that he was looking for a boyfriend (which I am too, though I was hesitant to say it because I know that can be used as a line and frequently is), he wouldn't give me his phone number. He said he'd give it to me when I was working later that day, and although he did stop in. Briefly. Very briefly.

There's more to this story that I'm not going to go into, but let's just say I'm keeping my fingers crossed but I'm prepared for the worst with this guy.
'Sides, there's Jon, who's sweet and has caused way less trouble. He's just difficult to hang out with, which is extra hard for someone who's an attention whore like me.

Meanwhile, yesterday, Joey and I had a fight which ended up sorting out our issues so now he's back on the "choices" list although I have a sincere feeling that we're going to end up being just friends.

Tonight I was going to stay in, but Justin urged me to go out to Mirabar (it's theirs and Energy's karaoke night, which also means no cover). So I went out (much to mom's chagrin). I walked into Mirabar and saw Justin and as I walked towards him ran into Ryan and the girls from before, all of whom were thrilled to see me. Ryan said he'd found my shirt.
So I split the night between Justin and his friend Preston, Ryan and his girls, and the bartender Henry who I think had had too much of his product and was seriously hitting on me. Not unless I get a job out of it, sorry babycakes. :P (SO kidding!)
Justin and Preston decided it would be cool to visit Energy, so we did -- but I dragged a phone number out of Ryan first. The Karaoke was bad. I ran into lots of people there though -- PacSun (who I rarely see but it's always nice to see him), Josh (who I'd been kind of passively trying to avoid), DJ (from XL), Shawn (Josh's ex who he still hangs out with), Ivan and Jaymes (both bartenders at Energy) and....Kenny and John!! I had tried to reach them for forever but never got through and then here they were! So we caught up and I informed John about my birthday celebrations because I would probably cry if they didn't come out with us at least once that weekend. I was so excited to see them, they're amazing. So that made my night enough that I can overlook whatever drama broke out between DJ and Josh.

I sent Ryan a text, just to make sure it is his number because of how, y'know, I have trust issues especially when somebody's so reluctant to give you their number. (And he was pouty because I couldn't spend the night at his place again.)

So I talked to Jon tonight. Twice, which was exciting. And we're making plans to see each other again which is good. Of my various "options" I think he's my favorite, but I know myself and I am going to be miserable dating someone who I never get to see. Hopefully in two weeks he'll have more time (he just put in his two weeks at one of his three jobs).

So it's been an exhilarating and exciting past few days!

"Don't you know that you're toxic!"

I went out to Mirabar on Friday night. Part of the plan was to get a job so I wouldn't have to audition at XL tonight.
But, primarily, I was going on a date with Joey. Who had been seeing this guy, Erik, who works at Mirabar. Joey was paying for me, which was good because I totally wasn't going to be able to afford to get in. Erik wasn't pleased to see him with someone else -- especially since Joey is big into the PDA. We'll get back to that tiny bit of drama later...it did not really turn into anything. That night.
At the end of the night Joey, his friend Jesse, and I all go

Anyways, so I wake up Saturday morning at like 11 to the sound of my phone ringing. It was A&F, so I was a little afraid I'd had a shift I'd forgotten about.
Nope, they wanted me to come in from 5 to 10. I agreed and went in that afternoon. About 15 minutes in, a bunch of dancers from XL came walking back to where I was working to say hi. Sweet gave me a hug, Lee and Antonio and some guy I don't know, stood in the back. I said hi, we chatted and then I said, "Don't make a mess, I'm fixing it up back here."
Antonio grinned (his gorgeous, gorgeous smile...ooooh!), picked up a pile of shorts, and dropped it carelessly onto the table. I glared but I was smiling. Then they walked away, Antonio in the back. He looked back at me and smiled innocently as they left. Then they left the store without saying anything. It was weird.
And can I just say? I have such a thing for Antonio.

Shortly thereafter, my partner in crime at A&F came in to work and we proceeded to raise-the-bar on fabulousness for the rest of the night.

So, I left work at 10 and went straight to Energy. Saw some friends, said hi, found out what night their best night is (Thursdays, when I have class!) Then I went to Mirabar, danced the night away but didn't get tipped.
Oh, and Craig was there. And totally flirting with me although totally sober. I didn't shut him down but I don't think I encouraged it.
Oh, and how about when Joey showed up an hour before it closed? With a boy who he'd met the night before -- during our date -- and although they weren't kissing all the time, the body language read as "date". Now, he'd said to me he only dated "one person at a time", so I'm gonna assume he meant "one person in one night" or something. Either way, I think it's safe to say that's dunzo. It's chill though.
Especially because at 2, when the club was closing, I ran into this boy by the name of Jonathon. Super hot, particularly in the face (which you know I love) and we hit it off really well. We spent the next hour trying to say bye to our friends and getting out of the city (and we got hit on a lot too). Turns out he lives in the next town over from me, maybe a ten minute drive. Which is, of course, a fact I'm thrilled about.

I was not expecting him to call me tonight like he said he would, but he most certainly did.
I was, however, at XL for my audition. The audition did not happen, but I did walk away with mucho dinaro. And flirted with Antonio quite a bit.
I made six bucks before I took any clothes off. At the end of the night, music was playing but no one was on stage so I took off my shirt and leapt up there. It was a preview of my audition, I said. I jumped down from the stage with 25 bucks. I gave Antonio a fiver I'd gotten, because I'd heard he's trying to buy a bed (although, I don't know why, he can use mine :P) and then one of my tippers -- who saw that act of charity/flirtation -- came over and gave me a twenty. That put me up to 40 bucks. And all I took off was my t-shirt, all night!! I can't wait to see how much I can make in my underwear -- let alone naked!

Anyways, I need to be at work at 8 so it's definitely bed time. G'night all!