Like a Polaroid Picture

So I'm putting forth a great deal of effort here as I am thoroughly unmedicated right now. It feels about equivalent to how I imagine it would feel if someone were taking a rusty, dull, serrated saw and attacking my elbow with it.

I'm going to talk to you today about go go dancing. Why? One, because I miss it lately. Like, a lot. Two, because I have lots of hot pictures of other people go go dancing to share with you too, so pay attention. Three, because lots of people have questions about the job, and hopefully this will answer some and if it does leave a comment!! I'm interested in hearing your questions, comments, and thoughts about go go dancing!

Anyways, I do miss go go dancing. I mean, there's a lot of negatives to dancing in a club. For instance, there's the completely unfounded idea that comes along with anyone who works in any aspect of the sex industry -- that you're also a prostitute. I have never had and would never have sex for money (although I am absolutely not passing any judgement on anyone who does, I don't see a problem with it, it just isn't something I would do). I didn't even do private dances -- not even still at the clubs I've worked at.

But somehow, working in that industry you aren't just a visual object for people to look at -- which is really how it ought to be -- you are a sexual object people believe they can touch and feel as they please. That's a distinct negative, especially when your friends begin to get that idea as well. And while they may not realize this (or they may), there are a good number of people in my social circle at the clubs who treat me in that way.
It's that very idea about dancers that makes dating so difficult.At the same time, I made plenty of friends out of customers and coworkers. Of course, some of my friends distanced themselves when I started to dance. I don't know that that wouldn't happen again, especially since I've gotten back to being closer with some of them since I stopped dancing.
But, respectively, I've also become very distanced from a lot of my other friends I used to see on at least a semi-regular basis when I danced at XS. And if I could manage to stay friends with the ones I've reconnected with, and reconnect with those friends I used to see all the time when I danced.

I also really miss those bonds you form with the people that you dance with. Sure, they're not my best friends, and we may not actually be that close but even now...anybody I danced with, I would do anything for. It's not like a familial bond, it's more of a "I've got your back" kind of a bond. And that's the truth. I did then and I do now have the back of any of my coworkers from my go go days, and I don't think they could do anything to change that. I miss that kind of instant and, in my opinion, necessary bond of a sort of trust (probably the closest thing to trust that I feel with any males, cause, man, I have issues) that builds between dancers.

And without my go go dancing, I would not have had the opportunity to meet the occassional porn stars that I have met and I thus would probably not talk to the models, porn stars, and other beautiful people that I'm a fan of -- some of whom, I would go so far as to call Internet friends (when I use the term friend kind of loosely, anyways).

There's also that whole exhibitionist streak in me. I don't have the best body and I never will. I'm not saying that as a complaint, I love a large number of my flaws (the major exception being my ginormous nose, but other people seem to like it), it's just a statement of fact. That doesn't mean that I don't love for people to see it. And I love seeing other people's bodies -- okay, true, not everyone's but still. It's a whole give-and-take, extremely shallow and vain form of exhibitionism but it's exhibitionism all the same.
I know I can show off a little bit when I'm not working, but it's just not the same. Anyone who's been there and enjoyed the job knows exactly what I mean.

Plus, I just love wearing sexy underwear and dancing is such a good excuse for it.
I also love the make up and themed outfits that we occassionally find ourselves in -- a personal favorite being my "iced out" look for New Year's Eve.

Also, when I was go go dancing I never had the financial issues that I've been running into in the past months. I never made tons (although, it was not uncommon , but it was enough to get me by and -- with the help of a minimum wage day job -- keep me living in fair amounts of comfort too. Now...well, now I am flat ass broke and asking my parents and grandmother for money with some regularity.
As degrading as a lot of people think the job is -- and, yes, in some ways it certainly is -- it helped me be independent from my parents and in that sense I had lots more respect for myself than I do right now because I knew I could rely on myself to pull something together.

I mean, I know in this post I'm ignoring all the things I tend to complain about and hate about go go dancing, but isn't there a down side to most everything?

But anyways, I'm definitely planning to continue dancing at the Dark Lady when I get home for the summer. Hopefully when I come back to this area next school year, I'll be able to get a gig at Town or Be:Bar or Grand Central or some mixture of the aforementioned.
I'm also going to begin working out as soon as my elbow's recovery allows me to. I want to improve on myself.
(Go go dancing photos are stolen from the Myspaces of: Ethan Reynolds, Blake Riley and Cody Fallon and depict Ethan Reynolds, Cody Fallon, Blake Riley, and Roman Heart)Got questions? Go ahead and ask them in the comments!!

Let's go girls...

Instead of bringing a bunch of straight boys with me to Club XS Thursday, I ended up taking an entourage of girls. It was still a total blast. And a ton of people were there, which was so exciting. And they let me in for free this week -- I don't get it but I'm a fan.

I moved my car instead of risking a ticket or getting towed. So I moved the car to a Dunkin Donuts parking lot, and just in case, I bought a donut and put it in the driver's seat so I couldn't be accused of not being a customer in their parking lot. I'm so proud of myself for that one.

Winning the award for most ironic moment ever, Thursday I got a plastic Easter egg from my friend Allison. Who is Jewish. That's one for the memoirs.

Last night, I was all prepped and ready to head down to Town and I started down when Damon gave me a call and asked if I was going. I ended up picking him up and then he drove my car down to DC where we met up with Cody, Brendan, and Adam. We spent hours there and had a total blast but it wasn't anything unusual or different, really. I hung out a little bit with the dancers there -- Aric, Dennis, Brandon, and Jared. (Shane wasn't working but I can't get over how fabulous he looked, I wish I had a picture.) I cannot wait til my elbow is fixed and I start working out so I can be in shape enough to work with them! Bill was our bartender, which is always good although I'm guessing from how everyone else (who was over 21) reacted to their alcohol consumption that he was being very heavy-handed with the alcohol. :P

So, I drove home from DC when we left, which was cool. Despite the rush hour (cause the clubs were letting out) and the fact that it was a city...I didn't freak out or anything. Apparently I *am* capable of big city driving other than Providence. Isn't that cool?
Also, Damon taught me how to use my new phone's navigation feature! Woooo!!

Anyways, it's been a fun weekend so far. I have no idea what's in store for the rest of it but I imagine we'll find out soon!

Oh, since I failed to take any pictures that I can put on my comp last night (I don't have cords from my phone to my comp, I don't know why :P) I'm gonna throw some of Blake Riley's new photos up there! (I'm borrowing from the new album on his Myspace!)

I know, it has nothing to do with anything, but you have to admit the guy is gorgeous!

Photos and Videos!!

I got pictures from Jenny (and from Matthias but his are a little more adult than I like to show on here...:P) of this weekend! *And* a video!

Did I mention that I for serious love my life.


So, anyways, also go and look at that last post for more pictures!

Here's some from after I left, I feel like I definitely should have stayed!All gay men -- even Blake Riley -- love Jenny. And her boobs.Josh seems to be enjoying himself even though Blake and Christian are clearly paying more attention to Matthias. (No offense Josh, but I can't really blame them. Look at Matthias' underwear!)
I want to be Jenny. That's all there is to it.

Life is great, and porn stars make it that much better.

Soooo...how is everyone doing? I am having a fantastic weekend. I don't have the pictures or videos yet, but I think there's enough that they can get a whole seperate post.

Mainly because of my new heroes: Christian Owen, Blake Riley, Tommy Blade, and Aaron James. Oh, which reminds me, the porn star I was asking about before is JetSet's Aaron James. I asked him. Thanks for all the help, guys. :-P

Anyways, this weekend. Ooooh, this weekend! Let's start with way earlier in the week. I'd been talking to Christian Owen over Myspace about his upcoming appearance. He suggested I should talk to Joel about coming in on Friday...which I planned to do until I realized that Friday night I was working and then I had my friend Kat's "Evil Party" birthday party to go to. I was hugely disappointed I wouldn't get to meet him. Or Blake Riley. Or Tommy Blade (who I'd heard of at the time, but could not for the life of me place. As it turns out, that's because I still haven't gotten to see any of his videos -- not even The Velvet Mafia*.)

So I find out when I get to Club XS on Thursday night that Christian Owen and Tommy Blade are due in that night and will be at the club. Not a chance I'm gonna miss, y'know? Oh, and I hung out with Tony Gibble all night, which leads me to the epiphany I just had: lots of my friends are hot, and most of us get paid for it. :P Back on topic though...when Christian Owen arrived and I saw him, I went over and said hi and he recognized me...so we met formally and then I noticed that his shirt had shinies on it and I got all distracted. I don't know, but I think he has a Bedazzler or something to make shirts like that. I gotta get me one of those.

Then I met Tommy Blade, and somehow my hair color came up and he was insisting that I was not blond. (I am.) So I pointed out that I had like a pound of gel in my hair and he should check the color in the back where there was less product. So he starts examining the back of my head.

Little known fact: if you want me to melt, run your fingers through the hair on the back of my head. You know, like Tommy was doing. Honest to God, Tommy could have been like "Hey, can I throw you into oncoming traffic?" and I would have been like "Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhh."
Oh, and he also said my hair smelled good. Which, with the products I use and the amount of them that were in my hair...I'm really not actually surprised.

And Christian Owen told me about his plans to start producing porn, which I am so excited for. And we talked about 21st birthdays and he described his in as much detail as he could. "I don't remember mine."

After I left the club, after being told by Christian and Tommy I had to come the next night (and having that okayed by Joel), I went to the diner down the street where I am apparently enough of a regular that the owner feels the need to check up on me, and wonders what's wrong when I show up by myself. I guess that's a good thing.
Anyways, I left there a half hour later properly caffeinated and with three mozz sticks I hadn't devoured in tow. I always box everything that's left over now -- no matter how small, it means there's food at home.

I woke up the next morning and soon after headed to the mall. I handed my job application into the Gap and then went to Abercrombie & Fitch where I told the assistant manager that I was putting in my two weeks. He told me he'd tell the bitch -- I mean the store manager. I'm not sure if he did or not, but I feel like he did because she told everyone what a bad mood she was in after he went into the back office with her.
And god damn was she in a bad mood. And god damn was I not putting up with it. The whole day was like a battle of the attitudes, and it sucked. I was in a horrid mood when I left work at 11:30 instead of 11:00.

I just want it for the record though: I love the person who is my manger. I just hate her as a a manager. Does that make sense? Good.
So I arrived at Club XS shortly before the four porn stars (the three featured ones and Aaron James who, y'know, he's our resident pornie, why not?) were going to go on stage. It was enough time for me to meet Blake Riley and for me to be like "Oh, hi! I'm Graham. I leave you stupid comments about how you're gonna be here Thursday...but I meant Friday." And, to his credit, rather than backing away slowly from the retarded boy, he laughed about it.
Tommy also managed to find two more of my "spots" before they went upstairs to perform.
And we all chatted about their industry, and underwear, and I'm all inspired to go get myself some new stuff. And I have some money. But I don't own a camera and that's kind of something I need. Especially, y'know, could have used one this weekend.

So I went up to watch their performance. I am not, however, cut out to be an audience member. And I only had two ones with me. I tipped Tommy first, and then I tipped Christian and then I was out.
Jenny wanted a picture of me and Tommy Blade, so she gave me a dollar to tip him. She snapped a picture. And then his fingers curled into my hair and he yanked my head around, grabbed my chin, and kissed me. Now by the end of the night, having a porn star's lips on mine was not as big of a deal, but since this was the first one I smiled huge and disappeared into the crowd to calm down. Jenny got a picture of Tommy and I looking at each other just after he grabbed my chin but just before he kissed me.
I know, I know, they were kissing lots of people. That's beside the point, and don't burst my bubble.

So, a little while later they were playing Pink's "U + Ur Hand" and Blake started doing this jerking-off hand motion that I do when I dance to that song. As of yet, we're the only two people I've ever seen do that. So I grabbed my friend Robbie and was like "Gimme a dollar, I'll pay you back!" So he handed me a dollar, and I went over and gave it to Blake and told him that little tidbit I just shared with all of you. And he told me...well, nevermind what he told me but let's just say...I'd buy that porn with that soundtrack. :-P
So, I started to make my way back into the crowd and Blake invites me up on stage. I've talked about this before: I'm not good at being in the audience. I'd rather be on stage performing. And when I see other people performing I always just want to jump in. Soooo, I hopped up on the stage, and there I am grinding with Blake Riley. And then Christian Owen jumped up behind me. It was a Graham Sandwich on Porn Stars. Hottttttt.
So, I said to Blake "It's so weird dancing up here with clothes on" and he jokingly invited me to put on a pair of his underwear. Or I think he was joking. If he wasn't, I'm gonna be pissed with myself for not doing it. :-P


Anyways, I got off the stage because I know I can't monopolize their time. And Luke comes up and is like "I think the local yokels need to take back the stage. Take off your shirt." So I took off my shirt and he and I jumped up on stage and danced behind them. For the record, it was all his idea, I just gave in to peer pressure.
And on a side note, Luke and I are totally BFFs-in-the-making.
All three of them are great dancers, but Christian was phenomenal and I need to learn to move like he does. Seriously. Also, I need his boots. I know my feet don't go into boots very comfortably but I want his boots anyways.

Anywho after their performance I went downstairs to hang out with them some more and I heard like...orgasmic moaning coming from one of their suitcases. At first I was super confused and then I realized what it was: a cell phone ring tone. I don't know who's it was, but I definitely want that for my phone.
They came down and changed and discussed their next outfits and it was kinda cool, seeing porn stars wandering around naked right in front of me. By kind of, what I secretly mean is, it was all I could do to keep myself from jumping them right then and there.
Blake gave me a kiss when he came down, I guess a thanks for the dollar? I think I should have been, y'know, kissing the ground he walked on in thanks for the dance but whatever. I apologized for only having two bucks and only borrowing two others.
And then Christian's like "The blog you wrote was all I needed, that was so sweet." So we got talking about my blog, I realized Blake didn't know about when I wrote about him, so I told him I would send him a link. Granted, that was from when I first discovered him in June, but whatever.

Then Luke got me a poster for them all to sign...here's what they wrote:
Blake Riley: "Graham Keep it hard and tight!! :) Blake Riley"

Christian Owen: "w love Baby Graham w love Stay Real XOXO C. Owen XOXO"

Aaron James: "Sexxy ass Graham muah Aaron AJ James"

And I can't read what Tommy Blade wrote but I'm sure it's amazing. I can make out that it ends in "Tommy Blade" and I think it starts with "Love" but there's stuff in the middle. I'll keep studying it and get back to you.

So shortly after that, I finally left for the Evil Party, an hour later than I had intended to, and without time to stop by my apartment I arrived without my costume. I told everyone "I'm dressed as Abercrombie, isn't that evil enough?" and I had high hopes of getting hammered.
I had to be a DD though, so I just drank Coke. It's chill though.

Tonight I work and then it is my friend Becky's birthday party. Tomorrow is a field trip to Philly for my directing class. Tuesday my radio commercial for my Comm class is due and I have no idea when I'm recording it.
But you know what? I love my life.

I could be wrong (I probably am) but I think I've ascended from fan to friend for these four amazing porn stars. :D And I'm totally seeing if I can get them to perform in Providence for my 21st birthday party. But not on my 21st so I can remember it.
I dunno though. I feel like I talked about myself too much, but then, what else is new? I gotta learn to turn that off. :-P

(*Does anyone else really not find the idea of an actual, literal gay mafia all that far-fetched? Maybe it's because Rhode Island practically operates like a very civilized and non-violent crime syndicate....you know, it's like an extreme of the "it's not what you know, it's who you know.")

Pretty Person of the Week (and Post-dating is my favorite!)

So........this week the pretty person of the week is somebody I know basically nothing about yet (yet being the key word). But the man is cropping up in everything I read and look at this week, so I had to post about him. I give you....Blake Riley!

Like I said, I know basically nothing about him, but every time I see a picture of him (even when he's clothed) my breath catches and I'm like "Oooh, who's that beautiful man?"

I'm finding the (non-pornographic) pictures I can, but this is tough work! :-P You can go see a photo of him with Johnny Hazzard and Tyler Riggz on Hazzard Ahead -- it's actually a photo from the Grabbys too! (And there's a picture of Johnny and Francesco D'Macho there as well!)

He's cute, aside from in the looks department but also in the personality department, if what little is on his website so far is any indication.

I know he's done other stuff than his work on Randy Blue, but I honestly can't tell you what it is. I feel all underprepared, but that's okay. You know you actually look at these posts for the pictures, and not the stuff I say. :P

And he's a dancer too. Of course, I missed his appearance at Club XL and his appearance at Chris Harris' Big Easy Mardi Gras party (which were around the same time). There are pictures of the Mardi Gras appearance though -- and they are HOT!!

Disclaimer: All pictures borrowed from BlakeRiley.com, and I didn't ask permission so this whole post is basically totally illegal. But I only average 55 hits a day, and I'm (definitely) making no money so...what are the chances someone actually cares? :P

EDIT: So how about one of my managers at A&F made out with him at the Big Easy Mardi Gras party? Yeah, I'm so jealous of her.