"And if our good fortune never comes, here's to whatever comes"

I'm going to be honest with you all.
I have no idea where I've been all week. I mean, not literally. Literally, I know. But time has flown by, it almost seems like it's been somebody else and I've been fast-forwarding the tapes, occasionally slowing down for a minute or two so as not to miss something while I'm eating.

I've filled out so many job applications, my eyes started to hurt. And I handed them in. I improved my resume. I deleted my resume and made a better resume. I handed out resumes. And now, I wait. Most of those didn't get out til Thursday so I'm not expecting anyone to call until Tuesday -- if at all. I don't know how many of you have noticed: the economy sucks.

I got this brace for my elbow, to help me be able to straighten it. I'm not sure how to describe it except for a white and red piece of plastic torture. With velcro. And for at least two half hours every day (not consecutive) I bend my arm into a right angle (which is not like, hard or anything but it has to be pretty exact) attach this grotesque invention to my arm, turn the little knob/dial/thing-gummy and it straightens my arm until it starts to ache. And then I whimper quietly to myself while I wait for it to stop aching (usually about five minutes), and then I twist the knob again and straighten my arm more until it aches some more. And this goes on for, like a said, a half an hour. Twice a day. Tomorrow I get to start doing it three times a day, and I for one am overjoyed, as you can imagine. Fortunately, I still have one free hand which allows me to do....well, very little that's worth doing. :P

Other than that, there's been the usual clubbing going on. Like every night. Also, my dad had a birthday. He's impossible to shop for, so I made mom get my present like I always do. I picked out a card though, I'm a good kid. Anyways, this weekend I worked Friday and Saturday once again, the money was decent and no -- we didn't take any pictures this weekend, sorry Lewis and anonymous Facebook friend who IMed me to tell me how much you liked last weeks picture. :P Today I went to a cookout in Connecticutt with a bunch of friends from the clubs. It was a fabulously wonderful time, I met a few new people and had quite a great time.

And now I'm home watching In Plain Sight. I need to stop updating only on Sundays or this show is going to become like the patron TV show of Grahamblings. :P

This week, I'm going to hopefully interview for some jobs, hand out more applications, go to physical therapy again, go shopping for fairy wings for the Dark Lady's pride party, go clubbing and partying, work at Dark Lady....and who knows what else? I guess we'll see and I will let you all know.
Hopefully this week, even if things are still fast-forwarding, I'll feel more like I'm inside, not watching. :P

Soooooo...about that diner guy, right?
I'm gonna guess he thinks I'm a retard but he seems to think Tyler's a catch. I'm just going to bite my tongue now, because it seems my despising Tyler is now being viewed as out-of-line. Since he's friends with my friends, I apparently must be nice for more than just the promise time for Amanda's birthday.
Honestly, I think drinking bleach would be healthier, but if it keeps everybody happy....

Or, wait, no. If I do things to keep people happy at the sacrifice of my own happiness, then the point of me dating my ape-faced, emotionally abusive, evil ex-boyfriend and the point of everything I went through in high school is totally lost. So what the solution here is, I'm not real sure. One thing's sure: bleach will taste like crap, so that is not an option.

In happier news, I've knocked down two exams and I think I did quite well. I've also gotten my stitches out and have much better use of my left arm now. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The doctor even said, when I asked, that if I thought I could drive, I should, so long as I'm not on pain medication. Which means, I can drive places that aren't parties or clubs because those are places where I need to be medicated for the jostling that I'm going to go through.

I only have two things to say tonight: first, my elbow is making massive amounts of progress recovering. Last night, I slept all night and did not need to take pain medication. I've even spent large portions of time today not high on pain meds.

Second, I am a fucking RETARD about boys. This diner guy, I saw him at the diner again and...I'm just stupid. I mean, nothing happened except I'm officially a creeper. But he's really, really good looking and I'm getting really, really nervous. I feel like having friends around isn't helping in the slightest.
I probably would have had more guts if I'd been high on pain meds at the time. I wasn't.

I probably would be less of a creeper if I hadn't been so high on pain meds last night when I had the brilliant idea of taking the little bit of info I have on him and trying to find him on Myspace. Which I believe I successfully did. And, of course, I messaged him the apology I'd like to make without actually explaining how I found him. Now I look seriously creepy.

I'm going to be single forever, but at least we know that the reason is my own social ineptitude. :P

Thank Goodness I'm Scandalous

So The Diary of Anne Frank is over. It went extremely well.

It was followed almost immediately by my elbow surgery. At some point, I'm sure I'll be glad I opted for getting my arthritis dealt with. Right now...not so much. I'm in agony, I feel totally useless and while everyone's been super sympathetic, I wish I had a little more company when I'm just stuck in my apartment. Phone calls at the very least.
Anyhow....I've been glad because I've been extremely high on Percocet.
Amanda moved in for my recovery period. She's been great taking care of me, but I'm totally wearing on her by taking up so much of her time.

Tuesday I think I was at my highest. At one point, I was out on this grassy part of our campus we call the Dell, and I was being totally loud and obnoxious. While I was out there, I saw this boy who is totally beautiful. I mean, I'd seen him before (many, many times), but that's not the point. The point is, I was (am) high as a kite on pain meds.
So an hour later, I'm on Facebook being nostalgic and adding people from my high school, some of whom I never liked or even spoke to (I blame the meds) when this boy appears on that new "People You May Know" thing which has yet to show me anyone I would actually want to add for any reason. (Of course, as I say that, I switch over to Facebook and see someone I do know in that very same box...) Anyways, of course I decide to send him a message. Here's the message:

I just randomly saw your Facebook and thought I'd say hi since I just saw you out on the Dell. I probably wouldn't normally do this, but I'm totally high on pain meds and I'm really bored right now, so I'm kinda like "whatever" but this'll probably be one of those "seemed like a good idea at the time" decisions. Oh well.
So...hi! Hope I wasn't too obnoxious on the Dell for you and your friends!

Naturally, he didn't answer. So, of course, as predicted, I realized that was, honestly, stupid. I've spent much of the week panicking about he and his friends' reactions and trying to go up to him and apologize.
I realized last night that I should just let it go, so I have. Now it's just a funny story about me being high on Percocet.

We started physical therapy on Thursday...it sucked. A lot.
Also Thursday, Amanda's friend from MA Corey came for a visit. He's been talking to Tyler in a romantic sense, so he came to visit both of them (cause ain't nobody coming to Amish country from New England to visit one person). Corey was here all weekend (mostly with Tyler, though, actually). He came with me to see some staged readings on Thursday though, which was good because going to shows alone is kind of lame and it's also kind of scary to be a cripple and be all alone.

Friday was Day of Silence. I've never failed before, but....this year, I found myself alone and in desperate need of Percacet, and I can't medicate myself because I can't open anything. So, I had to speak.
I also realized I was going to run out of Percacet over the weekend, so I called the doctor. Of course, it's a Friday night and he's gone for the weekend so I get stuck with the bitchy and stupid nurse who tells me she will get me a pain medicine. She also makes an appointment to get my stitches out (and tells me quite firmly that I have only the one option).
So they call me an hour later to tell me my prescription has been sent out. My prescription for Vicodin. Now before you druggies get all excited, let's compared Percacet and Vicodin -- which I didn't do until today, actually.
Percacet is an upper. Vicodin is a downer.
Percacet is much stronger than Vicodin so...Vicodin only dulls the pain, Percacet gets rid of it.
Not so thrilled about this change in medication.

Anyways, this weekend was TGIS at our campus. That stands for Thank Goodness It's Spring -- at least, officially it does. Depending who you ask, it can also mean "Thank God I'm Smashed", "Thank God I'm Slutty" or -- in the case of the shirts a number of us got -- "Tanked. Gone. Intoxicated. Smashed." The school plans all kinds of activities and the students plan all kinds of parties. It is the most social weekend of the year, and the purpose of it -- in my opinion -- is to make new friends. I consider TGIS a total failure if I am not adding at least five people I met that weekend on Facebook afterwards.
I knew I wouldn't be able to drink, with my medication and all, so I was just...y'know, flying high all weekend. I let Amanda go do her own thing as much as she wanted, and I agreed to stay on campus, on her floor on Friday night.

So, Friday, after the comedy improv show that a bunch of us went to, I met up with Elissa and we went partying. (At the party we went to, btw, the gorgeous guy from my previous embarrassing story was there.) Elissa had been abroad ALL semester so it was great seeing her again. I met two of Elissa's best friends as well as one of their boyfriends and this gorgeous straight guy who, technically, I'd met before briefly -- he'd taught me about these delicious orange gummy candies.
Saturday was the TGIS carnival, which we went to for food. (Everyone goes, seriously.) Brighid's cousin came, she's fabulous, we hung out with her. Then we went to a baseball game which was fun til it started to rain. We had to flee from the water, because my stitches can't get wet. The most gorgeous couple I ever saw helped me get Amanda's jacket on. I didn't catch their names from them, but from others I've gathered that their names are Heather and Charlie. They're both completely beautiful and as far as I'm concerned, total saints. Seriously, if I was a sculptor and I had two arms, I'd make a statue of them and call it "Peter Wishes He was This Kickass Holy".
Saturday night, I went to hang out with the straight boys. There was not much going on, but we all hung out and as usual, I had a blast. Honestly, that whole group of people (not just the boys though, the girls in the group as well) are my favorite people to hang out with. So Amanda and I were with them all night and had a blast. I met a couple new guys to adore in the same sort of way that I adore like Jake and Andrew and Ryan and both Mikes (etc). I felt bad though, because I kept calling Bridger before we got there, and then I got so overwhelmed, I never actually saw him.
Afterwards, Amanda and I hit up the TGIS dance. It was a BLAST. After a while, I found a good place where people hardly ever bumped into me and danced there with Ashton, cause she was the one around and I'd decided other places on the floor were dangerous so I opted out of bringing my other friends to me there. I still got bumped like twice, but far less than before.
Ashton was amazed that I could dance the way I was, with only one arm (my arm has to be in a sling when I'm in public, you see) but it made me realize: going clubbing like that will not be so bad cause I still have all my moves -- just without my left arm.

Anyways, that was my weekend. Today's been dull -- except for the never ending pain in my elbow that the Vicodin can't get rid of. There was actually a fair amount of drama this weekend too, but I've been high and didn't really notice most of it. I guess it must not have had to do with me and/or been that important.

"All I'm trying to do is modify my plan"

I have been so on edge all week. Probably because the week got off to an incredibly bad start -- a situation which I can't describe (yet) but basically anyone on my campus knows what I'm talking about because the grapevine there is incredible. Suffice to say, it's made me a little bit jumpy. A lot jumpy.

It also distracted me from my goal this week, which was to find out why I seem to be undateable. Of course, talking to my friends about that is worthless. They all seem to think I'm a catch -- but of course they do, I'm not interested in them. (Suddenly wondering if the best strategy for snagging a boyfriend is to date someone I absolutely couldn't care less about... :P)

But, yeah, this week has been chock-full of arguments and just general crap. With everybody. But there's not really anything substantial to write about at this point. Not much has improved since previous posts, cause things are actually staying at a status quo this week. (Weird for me, isn't it?) Unfortunatley, it's a very dramatic status quo. I'm sure I'll calm down in a few days or something, and hopefully that will ease everything up.
And if I haven't relaxed by Tuesday, the pain meds from my surgery will definitely help, I'm sure. I've never been so excited for Vicodin.

Because this post has been mostly...nothing....here's a meme! I stole it from Brad.

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. (Brad didn't tag, and neither will I. Shush, we're rebels.)

1) What was I doing 10 yrs ago?
I was being a pretty typical ten year-old, dealing with bullies in elementary school and being better at reading and writing than almost anyone else in my class.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):
1. Shower
2. Eat
3. Take Juli tanning
4. Go to class/finish group project with Lauren and Katalina
5. Perform the Diary of Anne Frank

3) Snacks I enjoy:
Chips, sour gummy candy...almost any junk food.

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Pay off all of my and my parents' debt...and my brother too, come to think of it. By a really nice but not extravagant house (or two...or three), and a nightclub that I could be a silent partner in. (I think my twin Brendan would probably run it, he once told me he wanted to run a nightclub.)

5) Three of my bad habits:
1. Chewing my fingernails
2. Never shutting up (which is the current reigning theory for why I'm undateable, ps)
3. Not cleaning enough

6) 5 places I have lived:
1. Cranston, RI
2. South Kingstown, RI
3. Exeter, RI
4. Elizabethtown, PA
5. Mount Joy, PA

7) 5 jobs I have had:
1. Actor
2. Stage Manager
3. Go go boy
4. A&F Impact Team Member
5. A. Eagle Sales Associate

So, I'm not going to tag anyone but if you want to do it, go right ahead!