Monday Memories: Closets are for Clothes

In honor of my friend Johnna's friend, the Mad Brown Samosa, who just came out and is having kind of a rough time of it...I'm going to share my coming out story. Those of you who are 'mos and are out are welcome and even encouraged to share your coming out stories in the comments. Those of you who are not are welcome and encouraged to comment as well, because comments make me happy.

I had been "questioning" (GLBTQ) for a few months, and I had started dating my first boyfriend. My parents knew none of this, since I was starting college. I decided I had to come out to them, for my boyfriend's sake.
I went home for Thanksgiving break, determined that I would do it in person. I went home with resolve. I knew I couldn't do it at Thanksgiving dinner -- how melodramatic! So I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And stayed up the last night of that break to write a very nice letter about how appreciative I was of college. I threw in "And I've discovered that I'm attracted to men!" in there, and then continued going on and on about how much I love college. I left it on a table as I ran out the door to get the train station. Totally chickened out of that one.

I am on the train from Philly to school, when my cell phone rings. I look at the Caller ID.

"Home" it says ominously. I swallowed hard and answered.

"Hello?" I said in my best innocent voice.

"Hi Gray!" Mom said -- Gray is my family's nickname for me, no one else uses it nor is anyone else allowed to. I won't answer, I promise you. "I got your note!"

"Oh," I said.

"And I showed it to your dad."

"Oh."

"And your grandmother."

"Oh, what did she say?"

"Well, none of us were surprised."

Thanks, ma. Nobody coulda clued me in??? I am always the last to know these things, right?

So we started to discuss everyone's reactions. "I'm okay," she said, "But I'm sad because it's so much harder for people who aren't straight to lead happy lives."
Way to slap me in the face, Ma.

"Your dad said he was okay with it, but...."

It's at this point that I remember something: Dad may be an actor but he's also a Republican. We don't discuss politics in my family for this exact reason, and that lack of discussion is what made me forget!

"...but, he says he doesn't agree with it, politically."

I kind of exploded. On the one hand, Dad had correctly figured out that this hadn't changed anything -- I still didn't want to have kids and I still wanted to get married. On the other hand, Dad had also realized his political party didn't support me -- and he was choosing them. "But it's not a political issue when your son is--" I stopped. I was on a train and I seriously didn't want to get lynched.

Mom interrupted me though, so it was okay. "And I showed your letter your grandmother."

"And...?"

"Oh, she wasn't surprised."

I have this image of my grandmother reading it and going "Yeah, and...?" This is the woman who saw my "An awkward meaning beats a boring night" shirt and giggling and nodding. Nothing phases her, I'm not even kidding. So I reply, "Good. Okay."

"Your father and I started talking about the gay people that we know," Mom continues. She starts to describe how she and my dad were, basically, arguing over who knew more gay people and whether or not the gay people they knew were happy. My parents frequently disagree but I have never really seen them argue, so this really got me spooked.

All in all though, my coming out was a pretty decent experience. I'm one of the lucky ones.

The Green-Eyed Monster

I am jealous.

My friend Johnna, my best friend in the universe, has embraced her inner fag hag. It's not that she's got other gay friends she's doing this with that bothers me. No, that's cool. I'm even glad.

She went to a gay club though.
I tried to get her to go clubbing with me and she never bit. And the way her other main gay tells it, she brought him. As in, it was her idea!! What gives?! What is Memphis doing to my girl?

Yes, Johnna, embrace your inner fag hag. Yes, Johnna, go to the gay clubs. But do not lose your gay club virginity when I am not there!! Come on! That's my natural habitat! You didn't even go for my first time dancing (which, sad face), but you'll go in Memphis?!

So, yeah, I'm a lil bit jealous.
To those of you in Memphis, if you should see the girl in these pictures at any gay activity or club....accost her! Kidnap her, put her in a large box with holes punched in it, and mail her to Pennsylvania!

I mean, seriously. Getting kidnapped is at least what she deserves, right?
And plus, I miss her. :(

Mondays Inspirational Picture

This is really pretty, and I'm sort of looking at it as representing the end of an era and the beginning of a new -- my first holiday season without Johnna! :( But I am sure we will both have great holidays anyways!
So, I hope you all are making the best of any and all of the changes in your lives.

In other exciting news...Shaney is back to blogging! How happy does that make you? Cause it's making me pretty ecstatic! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

So I'm in Rhode Island again. It's nice, but I quite wish that timings of some things were different.

I got in on the train Wednesday afternoon and hung out with Johnna for a while. It was a short but typical Johnna and Graham adventure -- meaning there was lots of unhealthy food and ice cream and we pigged out like the fat kids we secretly are. :-P
She called me earlier today to let me know that she had safely arrived in Memphis. She is opening a new chapter in her life, and I couldn't be happier for her. I think that her blog is going to become an absolutely thrilling retelling of her adventures adjusting to life in the South very soon, and I'm excited to read it. I recommend it to all of you as well.

Someone else has left my life, and much more permanently than Johnna has. My parents are insisting that they told me, but I have no recollection of this. Our cat Moonlight was put to sleep two weeks ago. I knew she'd been having some health problems, she was pretty old, but I wasn't aware they were getting so bad and I swear they never told me they put her to sleep. So instead, I found out...in the middle of Thanksgiving today. I was stunned, and I'm still a little shocked and a lot sad.
The picture is of her getting stoned off of catnip, it's the only one I could find of her.
She was dumb as a rock, and scared of almost everything, but she has been around for as long as I can remember and I loved her even if she ran away from me (and everyone else) half the time.

Wednesday night was Club XS's pre-Turkey Day party, w and apparently it was a blast. They had asked me to dance that night, but being in Rhode Island made that completely impossible. The dancers, I hear, made hundreds of dollars. Each. I'm a little pissed at the unlucky timing of all of that.
I know the dancer in the scarf, and all I have to say (despite how he's gorgeous and how he's actually a really nice guy) is: how the mighty have fallen.
Then again, making hundreds of dollars for just dancing and having a good time...that's not much of a fall, is it? :-P
Credit to jenniferthomas.org for the picture!

I was at XS Tuesday though, just partying before I left, and here's two pictures from that:
Can you tell I'm not getting enough sleep? I see those bags under my eyes and all I have to say is "ewwww!" My sleep schedule is not adjusted to working yet.

Anyways, today (yesterday...) is Thanksgiving, so here's a list of things I'm thankful for:
1) Memories. Moonlight was just a cat, but I she's in so many memories I have and I find myself suddenly grateful for each and every one of those. I'm even more grateful for all of the time Johnna and I have spent together. I'm also grateful for the times Johnna and Moonlight have spent together:

Way to fall out of your shirt and look high in the same picture Johnna. :P

2) Johnna. She is the best friend I could ever ask for, and she been with me at the absolute lowest, hardest points in my life when no one else was. I've made her a promise that when she gets married I will have Jimmy Buffett at her wedding, but I would get Jesus Christ himself there if she wanted. I know, he's dead. But I would work miracles for this girl.
3) My health. There were times when I didn't have that, and right now I'm both healthy and happy and I appreciate it so much.
4) Employment. It was a long and difficult journey getting a real job with a steady paycheck, and I'm so grateful to Zach for hiring me. He's really a good friend, even if we don't know each other too well yet.
5) The Internet. I don't know what I'd do without it.
6) My family. They love me no matter what. Even though I complain about them a lot, they really mean so much to me and I am fortunate enough that they support me in everything. Although, I haven't told them about my go-go dancing...
7) All of my other friends. I am blessed with popularity. I love all of the amazing people who surround me in my every day life and my online life, and I can't imagine what my life would be like without all of these wonderful people. These wonderful people, of course, including all of you.

The list could go on and on and on forever. But it's about time for my beauty sleep. As evidenced by those atrocious bags under my eyes in that picture, I clearly need it.

The Pretty Person of the Week!

I'm doing this one early because, first of all this is going to be a busy busy busy Thursday for me! I'll have stories and stories to tell on Friday but trust me....all is going quite well in almost every aspect of my life. Anyways, the hot guy of the week actually reads this blog sometimes, because I've decided that this week it's....

Jonathan Vargas

Yes, he's gorgeous. He's an up-and-coming porn superstar for Lucas Entertainment as far as I'm concerned. He's got a scene with Pete Ross in La Dolce Vita (which someone really needs to get me, or I need to buy when it comes out, because I'm so excited about this movie. Plot and hot sex? Yus!) I know, I know, last week was a porn star too, and I do try to put in some variety here....but I just felt like it. It's my blog, shut up and let me oggle who I want to. :-P

Anyways, aside from his business in the porn industry, he's go-go dancing much like myself and, much like myself, is in the learning process where that little bit of income is concerned. He's also in school, which is totally admirable.

Juggling all of that though, he still manages to have a good time, be a good friend, and a good family member, also a good partner to his adorable boyfriend. Impressive, to say the least.You can check out his blog to find out more about him or see what he's been up to. It's always an interesting read, and it's one of the ones I check daily.

Another reason he's the pretty person this week?
Because kidnapping Johnna to keep her from going to Memphis was a brilliant suggestion on his part. (PS, Jonathan, Johnna may have said she doesn't like you, but it's only because she knows I'm seriously considering kidnapping her now. :-P)

"I'm afraid I'll spend the better part of next year scared that I might need you..."

I'm doing better now. I know, there was no inspirational picture yesterday but I preoccupied with my personal wallowing, and then getting back on my feet.
(This is muchly owed to eating like three bowls of Kraft Mac & Cheese last night. I'm a fat kid at heart. :-P)

Things are improved. I may be confused, still upset, fantasizing schemes in my mind (all of which, except for the most benign one, are impossible). Still, there is that one...and it is pretty benign. We're working on that one, so I don't want to say too much and jinx it.

Okay, I'll explain it. I'm getting some new clothes. That's my scheme...shopping. :-P

I finally shaved off my sideburns in an act of defiance that really is probably only significant to me at this point, but whatever. The show is over, and Craig thought they looked good. And now they're gone. Bwahahaha! Take that late October/most of November!

Now, I'm going on the uphill slope. After my mope (I always look like Hell the second I start to mope) I'm working my way back to beauty. I got my haircut (although the woman didn't know what a fauxhawk was...excuse me, isn't that your job? :-P), and now I've worked up the motivation to do laundry. Except all the washing machines are full. Uhm, ew that. :-P

In other news, I just found out that my most fabulous of friends Johnna is moving to Memphis the day after I go home for Thanksgiving break. Uhm, what is this bullshit? Just because the love of her life is down there? Psh. The gay of her life isn't in Memphis, what is she thinking? :-P

Pretty Person Thursday!!

This week's pretty person, other than Pete Ross, is Hugh Jackman. Why? Uhm, obvi! Cause he's gorgeous. Look at that picture!
And also, he's an amazing actor. Like, seriously, run out and rent every movie he's ever been in right now. NOW. I don't care how much it costs. He's been Wolverine, the guy from Scoop, and he was in Van Helsing (okay, okay, everyone has a flop), and like a million other things. The only common thread in these movies? That he's gorgeous.
And, according to Pink is the New Blog, it's also Hugh's birthday. So, happy birthday to you Mr. Jackman!

And, we owe the inspiration of Hugh Jackman being our pretty person of the week to my bestest friend Johnna:Yes, she really is that gorgeous. And yes, she really does smile with her mouth open. :-P
She really didn't mind being under Hugh Jackman either. ;-)