An Adventure in Alcoholism; Part 1

It's been way too long since I wrote here, and there has been way too much alcohol consumed.

Let's see, Wednesday evening (last Wednesday, that is, not yesterday) Chris and I went to Thayer Street and walked along it, and then ate ice cream. Then we went to retro night at Mirabar, of course. It was fun, cause we really got to show each other off to our friends (and his co-workers). If there's anything I love about dating, it's showing off Chris. He was seriously so adorable about my leaving too. (Although he kept reminding me to "be good", like I was going to forget to not cheat? It was kind of annoying, but he and I talked about it and we're all good.)

Thursday I drove all frikkin' day to get to Maryland and shortly thereafter, Brendan and I left for XS. Where I got very very drunk. Which was fun! I met a lot of cool new people too -- and I even remember a few of them! Kinda.
Almost everyone was there, except a few people who had gone up to Allentown where Jeffy's birthday celebration was going on. It was supposed to be at XS, but there was drama (surprise!) so he had to move it. I didn't know about the drama until far too late to move mine (plus, Allentown is three hours away so....) Anyways, Cody was there (he'd never seen me drunk before...), Jordan, Kenny, Amanda, Anthony (who was celebrating his 18th birthday too), Will, basically, tons and tons of people!

The next day we headed down to Washington D.C to go to Town. It was basically the same crew, and then some. (Including two new people: Mitchel and Larry, who were very cool.) Once we got there, pretty much all of my friends in DC showed up which was incredibly awesome. I mean, there were a few I didn't get to see but oh well. You win some, you lose some. Now, if I had been drunk at XS then I was really and truly wasted at Town -- everyone kept buying me drinks. Like everyone. I didn't like half of them -- too strong -- but I drank them anyways because they were a gift. Anyways, fairly early in the night I decided that, with all of the gorgeous guys around that I couldn't hook up with, I was going to find a boy for Jeff to make out. I focused on one of the go go boys there (one who I, of course, think is breath-taking -- there's a story about the first time I saw him actually but I'll tell it later :P). But eventually I was too drunk to continue trying to get Jeff to make out and I wandered away all Attention Deficit-y. Ooooh, and Cody and I went at it that night! First, I was already irked by the fact that he didn't come to RI for my birthday because he'd spent all his money on drinking. Then he compared me to my evil, evil ex-boyfriend -- the one we don't talk about. Yeah. I slapped him and then continued dancing as if it hadn't happened. Good times.
Anyways, I had SUCH a fun, drunken night. But I was exhausted by the time we left -- even though I had no desire to leave yet. So during the car ride back, I passed out on Larry.

The next day, I helped Brendan clean his house for people that were coming to look at it, interested buyers, y'know. Then he sent me off to the mall where I bought the cutest shirt on sale at Guess. Then I headed down to almost DC to hang out with Simon, we spent a few hours together before heading off to BeBar -- where I'd never been. Honest to God, I'm in love with the place, it was (for almost week, until I was out in NYC that is :P) my favorite bar ever.
After BeBar we went and had an afterparty. We all passed out around 6 in the morning, after a rousing game of Kings. When we finally all woke up, I was driven out to where we'd left my car (it was fine) and I drove Simon home and then headed back to Brendan's.

And that's all you get for now. I'll finish the story of the road trip tomorrow, I promise/swear on my life. Then I'll get you caught up on everything that's happened since.

Birthdays abound!

I have celebrated so much birthdays lately! It's making me even more excited for mine!

Amanda's birthday was Friday so we went out to XS on Thursday and went down to Town on Friday to celebrate. Amanda, Jeff, Cody, Michael, and I went down to DC with Brendan. Coincidentally, my friend Aaron has been celebrating his birthday as well (which was Wednesday) in the same locations. To surprise Amanda, Brighid and Tyler came down to DC. She loved it. (I'll let you all imagine the things going on in my head.) Town was actually really awkward and uncomfortable for me until I decided to bail on the people I came with and hang out almost exclusively with Alphonso. I guess I should have taken three Percocets instead of just two. (The third one for the high and not the pain relief -- although I got jostled a lot and that was not fun either.)

So, this week has been overall, quite enjoyable because, honestly, karma's a raging bitch on PMS and she is kicking everybody's asses. I know it's sick, but I love it. There's been several examples of this, most of which I'm not going to get into because I know that won't end well.

First -- and probably my favorite -- who remembers Anthony? My ex who cheated on me, on my campus after just a couple weeks? Saw him -- didn't recognize him, he looks reminiscent of a hobo at the moment -- and he proceeded to tell me, as if I would be sympathetic, that his ex cheated on him. With a girl. Actually, the situation it seems was very Kat-esque in that the girl was in the picture the whole time, and Anthony was unknowingly the "other man".
Love. My. Life.

There is another karmic incident that you will no doubt be interested in, but at present I can't.

My least favorite of these incidents is actually a realization that I totally had my own karmic kickback (that doesn't seem to be over yet). I'm not going to get into too much, because the boy in question does read this blog. (Or did...given his (what I've interpreted as) distant and strange behavior over the past couple days, I'm not going to make any attempts to predict anything he does.) Suffice to say, I was an asshole and I had the whole thing with Michael coming to me, totally earned. Not sure I've earned all of the treatment I've been getting but...oh well. I've been told by multiple people I just need to let "it" blow over for a few days. No clue was "it" is, of course. And I'd rather have "it" get talked about than have "it" lying under the surface of our friendship waiting for an opportunity to boil to the surface and cause even more trouble later.

Now, for the final point of this entry...Jeff, Adam Brody is this guy:And whether or not you agree with me, you definitely look like the love child of Adam Brody and Orlando Bloom.

"There were times when I wanted to hurt you, and there were times when I know that I did"

Things get crazier here all of the time. Since the last time I updated, a lot has happened, so I'm going to breeze through all of that and then talk about what's really on my mind right now.

Thursday, a large group of my friends went to XS. It was fun.

Friday was a party with friends from school, but Beau came with Katie and I too. The cutie charmed the socks right off everyone, myself included! There's some pictures, but to protect the innocent I'm not gonna share. :P It was themed to be "Something That Happened on the Day of Your Birth". If you could, you were supposed to dress as whatever event you chose. Katie, Beau, and I all failed to dress as an event, but at least we had looked up our birth dates to find one to comment on. I chose two: the birth of a straight female porn star and Madonna being on the cover of Cosmopolitan.

Saturday, I hung out with Beau some more and then he headed out. Then I joined up with Cody and Aaron and we headed to Jeffy's and then a whole gaggle of us headed over to Philadelphia to party at XII Air Command for Charlie's 17th birthday -- cause it's 17+ on Saturdays. I met a guy there, he works the door and his name is Drew and he's got beautiful lips. I mean, there's no chance of it going anywhere because how often am I in Philadelphia? Never, right? Right.

I got back at 4 in the morning, slept like log (for once!) and went to rehearsal. I was there most of the day Sunday. And much of Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. Yay tech week!

Last night, The Diary of Anne Frank opened. It was great.
Afterwards, Amanda and Tyler and Brighid and I went to XS. My hair was still white. Tons of people were there, all abuzz with tons of gossip about topics I won't get into because it doesn't concern me but let's just say someone in our little circle of friends is making headlines, unfortunately not in a happy way. Michael was also there. And, surprise surprise, that's what I want to talk about.
After Easter weekend, Michael basically disappeared. I know that he and I talked about how nothing was likely to happen until we had graduated, but he wasn't answering texts or anything and we had talked about hanging out at least one more time. I was a little put off but more than that I was concerned. Finally, I messaged him on Myspace and he answered and explained that he'd just been really busy. Makes sense, I have been too.
Further lack of communication until I message him on Myspace inviting him to Wednesday's preview show. He declines, politely, but does inquire as to whether or not I will be at XS on Thursday.
So, lo and behold, he's there, I'm there...and Tyler's there. And Michael is like absorbed in Tyler, and Tyler is of course seeming to be interested in Michael, because how could you not be?
Brendan tells me that Michael's been talking to some high school senior (which seems to be a recurring theme for me). That's fine. What I'm not yet okay with is flirtation between Michael and one of my best friends.
Of course, unbeknownst to me, the two have been talking on Myspace for a couple of weeks. Why Tyler didn't tell me, I don't understand. But we talked about it today, and Ty and I are fine. Ish.
I explained that to Tyler, who was trying to respect that. I tried to tell Michael, but I just could not work up the balls to pull him aside and say anything. I sent him a text message this morning explaining why I'd been upset and apologizing if I'd been bitchy.
He called me that afternoon from work, said hi, asked how my day was. We chatted a little bit. He said "I got your text, I'm sorry I didn't answer. It's been a busy day." I apologized once more for being weird and he told me it was okay, it was totally understandable. Then he said he had a customer and he would call me back in a little while. There has still been no phone call from him.

Talking to friends has not made me any less upset or at all happier about the situation. Everyone seems to think I'm reacting reasonably here. Chloe, however, says that by apologizing I'm giving him power he shouldn't have. The cast of Anne Frank seems to think that the purpose of his phone call this afternoon was just to be a dick.
Somehow, I just can't find fault in the boy. I mean, I try because blaming myself for feeling and acting like this truly sucks. I call him "asshole" and "dickwad" and "jerkface" and raise my voice and shake my fist and occasionally hit things, but I've never felt like he deserved any of that. Is that weird?

I'm trying really hard to move on, or at least manage to put my feelings on hold and behave like a sane and rational person. I'm genuinely happy for him if he's got this other boy that I don't know and hopefully will never meet. That's great! And I could see him flirt with almost anyone and be fine -- so I'm making progress. But it still stings to see him flirting with my best friends.

What's worse, and what makes less sense, is how much trouble I have talking to him now. It's so awkward. I have hundreds of things I think of to say and ask. I want to hear him tell me every detail of his day, I want to know where he goes, what he does, who he talks to -- everything. I want to see his smile (I won't lie, the main reason he's still on my top friends on Myspace is because that means I get to see that smile whenever I log on); I want to make him smile. I'm seriously crushing hard, and it's totally ridiculous because I spent less than a week hanging out with him or talking to him. And in that week we talked about everything...now all that comes out of my mouth, if anything is "What's up?" and there's so much more going on in my head that for some reason I can articulate at all.

I'm figuring a few more rounds of John Tucker Must Die this week -- since I don't have rehearsal -- and a lot of chocolate and ice cream and I should be absolutely okay again. God I hope so.

Let's go girls...

Instead of bringing a bunch of straight boys with me to Club XS Thursday, I ended up taking an entourage of girls. It was still a total blast. And a ton of people were there, which was so exciting. And they let me in for free this week -- I don't get it but I'm a fan.

I moved my car instead of risking a ticket or getting towed. So I moved the car to a Dunkin Donuts parking lot, and just in case, I bought a donut and put it in the driver's seat so I couldn't be accused of not being a customer in their parking lot. I'm so proud of myself for that one.

Winning the award for most ironic moment ever, Thursday I got a plastic Easter egg from my friend Allison. Who is Jewish. That's one for the memoirs.

Last night, I was all prepped and ready to head down to Town and I started down when Damon gave me a call and asked if I was going. I ended up picking him up and then he drove my car down to DC where we met up with Cody, Brendan, and Adam. We spent hours there and had a total blast but it wasn't anything unusual or different, really. I hung out a little bit with the dancers there -- Aric, Dennis, Brandon, and Jared. (Shane wasn't working but I can't get over how fabulous he looked, I wish I had a picture.) I cannot wait til my elbow is fixed and I start working out so I can be in shape enough to work with them! Bill was our bartender, which is always good although I'm guessing from how everyone else (who was over 21) reacted to their alcohol consumption that he was being very heavy-handed with the alcohol. :P

So, I drove home from DC when we left, which was cool. Despite the rush hour (cause the clubs were letting out) and the fact that it was a city...I didn't freak out or anything. Apparently I *am* capable of big city driving other than Providence. Isn't that cool?
Also, Damon taught me how to use my new phone's navigation feature! Woooo!!

Anyways, it's been a fun weekend so far. I have no idea what's in store for the rest of it but I imagine we'll find out soon!

Oh, since I failed to take any pictures that I can put on my comp last night (I don't have cords from my phone to my comp, I don't know why :P) I'm gonna throw some of Blake Riley's new photos up there! (I'm borrowing from the new album on his Myspace!)

I know, it has nothing to do with anything, but you have to admit the guy is gorgeous!

It's been a long, been a long, been a long day

Actually, that's a lie. I've been awake for like an hour. :P

Anyways, to start off with, I just want to say "YAY SHANEY!" because he commented my last post.
Going back to that, a whole bunch of you were all trying to impress upon me the importance of Anne Frank's story. Go back, reread, guys. I never said I wasn't enthusiastic about the show. I never said I didn't get why it's an important show. I said I wasn't enthusiastic about the role that I'm playing. Which is still true, he's just not a character you can do a lot with. He's got a limp (we think he had a limp, all I've found is that he was injured in WWI and that in other productions, he had a limp in his left leg), I'm playing around with that. Other than that, there's pretty much nothing you can do with this guy. (No offense if any of Victor Kugler's relatives read this...as a historical figure, he's amazing and fascinating. As a character in the newly adapted version of The Diary of Anne Frank he's a dull and depressing bearer of bad news who shows up three times for like a minute and a half each. If he were still alive, I'm pretty sure he'd sue.)

Anyways, Cody's been complaining about how I haven't been writing. Truth is....I really haven't felt like it. I've been seriously stressing lately, mostly over money. Scratch that, entirely over money.
Right now, I can't go grocery shopping, I don't have the funds. So I've been eating on campus. But next week is spring break, and I'm not going anywhere, so we'll see how fast I starve. :-P After spring break, I'm going to start working out on campus, because its free, until the end of the school year. Despite my whole I-can't-work-out-in-front-of-lots-of-people-who-know-me thing.

The screen on my cell phone died. I managed to get an upgrade, so I have a new phone. It's pretty. It's cute. It has a camera! It does not hold a charge.
And, ultimately (with the mail-in rebate) it will only cost me 3 dollars. Yaya!
And cause of the camera, it means that soon there will be more pictures on this blog!!

I have this...disgraceful atrocity on my face next to my mouth -- it looks like a herpe -- but my friend Michele (who is not exactly a dermatologist, but a bio/psych major is close enough for me) assures me that it's probably from dry skin.

What else is going on?
Not much. This past weekend was boring....weather screwed it up on Thursday and Friday, then I had to work on Saturday. So, that was blah.

Oh, but I will say this: the weekend before was anything BUT boring.
Thursday was XS, as per usual. It was pretty normal, packed and fun. And I went to the diner afterwards, despite my Friday morning classes, as I was really hungry.

Friday -- oh Friday! TJ had this dinner party in Reading, which I promised I would go to for a little while. After we were served our drinks (the wait was ridiculous), I fled the scene and made it to Towson in a much shorter amount of time than I should have been able to. But I sped. And tricked a cop into pulling over someone else. I'm awesome like that.

Anyways, we got to Towson and we all finished get hottified at Brendan's house as usual -- I think this is a nice ritual we've sort of accidentally started. Anyways, so we went to Town and had a blast. I hung out with the dancers there a bunch, which is always fun. They're amazing guys and I love that I know most of them now.
There was a V-Day thing going on, people could get numbers (which were on stickers you put on yourself) and using those, you could send messages to other people or give them flowers or candy. There were several big screens displaying the messages and who had flowers and candy and such. It was cool, and sometimes trashy, and awesome. My favorite was the one that ended with the signature "Ashley from the bathroom".
We ran into Erik, who, if we saw each other more than once a year, would be almost the perfect boyfriend for me. :-P I sent him a message using the screens, but he was high as a kite, and thought it came from Brendan. Shit happens, y'know. (Brendan best be backin' up off my boi, yo. :-P) But Erik and I danced some and that was fun.
It was funny though -- because I'm totally inept at flirting when I mean it -- so Cody goes up to help me write the message to Erik, and he and Jared (I think that's his name, he's one of the dancers I don't know as well) are like standing on either side of my, giving me advice. And I am, of course, like panicking, cause I don't know how good their advice will be. Smooth, Graham, smooth. (And I'm pretty sure Jared now thinks I'm retarded.)

After Town, we all went back to Brendan's and crashed. Cody and Bill shared a bed cause of how they're dating, and I got my own -- which is nice, I guess. I suppose it's less awkward than if Bill and I had shared beds and Cody has been alone.
Anyways -- some of you know this, others don't. Not only am I kind of an exhibitionist, I like to watch. If you know what I'm saying. So, Cody and Bill are both horny. And both like to be watched.
And they have not yet actually had sex. (Although I'm sure they fooled around.) So there I am, and I got to see the two lovebirds bang for the first time! (And even though I'm not really attracted to either one of them separately, it was kind of hot. Just sayin'.)

(The pictures, of me talking to Dennis, were taken by Hott Boyz Entertainment....and, they're from several weeks ago, I just didn't feel like going back and putting them in the correct post. :P)

Saturday night, Katie and I hung out. A bunch of our friends turned 21, so we, with plans of not getting too drunk, went to one party. By the time we decided to go to the other, we called the DD and she was like "It's pretty much died down."
So I called up Jake, one of my straight guys, to see what he was up too. Neither one of us was in any shape to drive home, so when Tom (a visiting straight guy that I love who I had no idea would be in town) answered the phone, we went over with plans of sobering up.
Yeah, that didn't happen.
We drank. We played drinking games. We had a blast. We tried to leave, but Katie -- drunk and in heels -- couldn't go very far.
So...Katie, Tom, and I snuggled on the futon in Jake's room. I was incapable of moving at all, stuck between the two of them.

And the next morning, I awoke, still drunk, and headed for where I was meeting the cast of Anne Frank to go down to DC to go to the Holocaust museum. I sobered up pretty quickly that morning -- before we even made it into Maryland I was fine. And it was, except for how depressing and gruesome the museum is, a really fun day of cast-bonding.

That good old-fashioned surprise ending....

This week has been one shock after another. Surprise, surprise, surprise!

I guess it really started with a kidnapping of sorts. My duties to our schools GSA dragged me down to York for a GLBT youth-group meeting on Thursday night. It was kinda cool. Of course, there's a confidentiality thing so I can't say much more but....there was a panel discussion about AIDS and HIV and I have never had so much fun with a microvirus. I also learned some stuff about the virus and its history.

Anyways, I ended up getting to XS extremely late. I have never parked so far from the club, or seen it that packed. I figure with so many more people there, finding someone to make out with should be a sure thing.
Second surprise of the night: about 35% of the men in that club were straight. All of them cool with guys hitting on them (I mean, they were in a gay bar) but totally not gonna make out with me. Of course, as per usual, I was uninterested in almost every gay guy around. I don't know what it is, but I'm just drawn to those heteros no matter how unnatural their lifestyle may be. :P (I jest, of course.) It did reinforce my desire for a fag stag of my very own, who I can take clubbing with me.
Another surprise happened that night; I saw a cute boy yawning in a corner, and I decided to head over to him. As I approached, he closed his mouth. Now, who ever heard of a boy only being cute when he's yawning????? A question for the ages, ladies and gentlemen.
The plus side of it being so packed was that so many of my friends were there, and even though we often had trouble finding each other, we rocked that place so hard and we all had a total blast. I hope it's that awesome next time I get to go, because it totally re-energized me about the place.

Katie was away for the weekend, but of course I was too busy to enjoy the apartment too much. Although I'm noticing now, it somehow turned into a mess and that is certainly my fault. Note to self: clean tomorrow. Moving on...
....Friday classes were all fairly typical. Then I went to get my haircut. I didn't have the time to get my dye job fixed, so I said to my hair dresser "Chop it all off." She gave me a weird look. "Like, shave it?" She knows enough about me and about style in general to know that that is not a good idea. "Well, no, just cut it back down to the blonde." So, I'm blonde again. With ridiculously short hair.

Then it was down to Maryland where I met up with Brendan, Cody, Josh, Jason, and Kellen. We raided Brendan's fridge and pantry, and then it was off to Town. I made sure I brought money to tip the dancers because, well, now I know two of them....and two of them I would love to get to know (in the biblical sense, mayhaps? :P). Only one didn't get tipped, and he's hot and all, but not as hot and he never talks to me or anything. That's what he gets. :-P
I was not so much seeking someone to flirt with or whatever at Town, mostly I was enjoying hanging out with Cody and Josh, who I feel like I never see anymore. (Although, I was reminded over the course of the night, there may have been a reason or two that I stopped hanging out with them so much...) We had a great time being the centers of attention...or at least, imagining that we were the centers of attention.
Each really hot guy that I saw ended up having an encounter with another guy's tongue when I decided I should go talk to him. It was a little awkward. This cute but way too short guy hit on me and danced with me at one point. That was fun, but like I said, too short.
Then, that night's surprise happened. Just before we left, Madonna began to play. I was looking for some of the people we came with, when this gorgeous guy stepped out in front of me, grabbed my hands, and made me vogue. It was fun, funny, bold, spontaneous and awesome.
So, of course, Cody (known for his fantastic timing :P) chose that moment to tell me we were leaving. When I turned to say bye to the Angel of Vogue....he was gone.

We all crashed at Brendan's that night and in the morning I ran off to school to attend a workshop on the Meisner technique of acting. Weird ass stuff but who knows, it might help me out. I have a second workshop to go to this weekend.

I left from the workshop and went straight to work, where I closed the store and then spent the rest of the night doing nothing, alone in the apartment. I checked my e-mail and discovered that I did not get enough votes to beat out the competition, and I will not be in this year's Mr. Etown Pageant. I'm not shocked, we're in central PA, like they're going to elect the (out) gay kid? (Of course, at least one closet case got in, because the gays are secretly well-loved even here. :P)
Sunday was nice and relaxing too.

Monday, I had classes and stuff and to be totally honest, it was really uninteresting and I don't really remember it. I was incredibly busy and I didn't make it home til well after Katie had gone to sleep. Tuesday was pretty much the same. Wednesday was a fantastic day for eye candy. American Eagle called me -- repeatedly -- and gave me some rather unexpected hours. 8 pm to 12am on Thursday. Which means, no XS.

So, I went to bed late with an idea that I would sleep right up until my 3:30 class, go to that, eat dinner, and go straight to work.
So at 9 am, when they called and begged me to work in the morning too, I was less than pleased. I've just come back from today's second unscheduled shift. How's that for a surprise?

In other news, I am totally obsessed with Make Me a Supermodel on Bravo. If you're watching, here's my thoughts: I hope Ben wins, because he's only a couple of inches thicker than me at the waist and that will be a success for thin men everywhere. On the other hand, Ronnie and Perry are both really gorgeous. In fact, at this point, I'm pretty sure Perry is going to win.

Tomorrow, I am doing classes and then I am rocking Town.

To no avail....

Soooooooo......

The drama continues. Cody called me and left a voice mail where he said he thought I was overreacting because he goes to the mall and would have found out the answer to his question anyways.

.....except, that wasn't the issue. The issue was, he lied to me. Like, point blank told me something that was incredibly not the truth. Damon didn't tell him shit, let alone the wrong name of the mall he works at, y'know? That's what made me mad.

So I called Cody back and I told him I didn't care if he knew where Damon worked, that wasn't why I was upset. So then, he leaps to assuming I'm mad because he told Robbie. Because, apparently, people don't get mad when they get lied to anymore? I must have missed that memo.

"RE: Reacting to Lies
TO: Whom it May Concern

This is a company wide policy change, lying is no longer bad and you should ignore it when it happens to you. Tell a few fibs for practice today and then tomorrow we'll see how things go with this policy change.

Thanks for your understanding,
God
CEO of Humanity Inc."

Did any of you get that one?

Anyways, so I explained in no uncertain terms that I was pissed because he lied to me and for no other reason. He started to make more excuses..."In the future..."
So I had to cut him off, cause I was done with hearing it. "There is no future. We're done."
He didn't sound broken up about it, so I can't count this as being a great loss. Although, I am upset by the whole thing. Like I said before, I don't really know where I stand with anyone at the moment, and without Cody's solid friendship (which was clearly not that solid or this whole lying thing would not have happened to begin with) I'm a lot shaken. Also, he was my best friend...if that's the best I can do for friends, what does that say about me?

In other, more cheerful news...I had some time off of work!!

And classes started and I hate it....

But I had some time off of work!!

Catching Up!

Moving in was fairly uneventful. The big thing was, of course, that I didn't have a bed. I had my heart set on a futon, so my mom and I went and picked one out.

Problem? They didn't have the frame in stock. "We'll call you Friday, we should have it in by then," the man said.
It's Sunday. Still haven't heard a word. I am livid. I'm calling them tomorrow, but I am pissed! It is not my job to find out what they have in stock, especially since I already paid for the damn thing.

Work has been a bitch, and I really have no funny anecdotes. One of my managers graduated from my college last year, and although we never met each other we each knew of each other so that's kinda cool. But the store is incredibly understaffed. We're having eight hour shifts instead of five. Today my eight hours turned into ten -- without a break. And I have blisters like whoa all over my feet.

I won't be dancing for a couple of weeks here, I've talked to my boss at Club XS and he said I had to wait a bit for one of the dancers to leave in a couple weeks. Unfortch, further investigation revealed that (I think) it's my friend Todd who we're waiting on, and I prob'ly won't get to see him. But we'll see.

But, in case that wasn't enough....
I have no idea where I stand with almost all of my friends. There were so many break ups while I was gone. The most major of these is that of my two friends Damon and Robbie. Damon works in my store and we've been hanging out.
So imagine my surprise when Cody, formerly my best friend, calls and asks if I work with Damon -- especially when he's never given a rat's ass about Damon before and -- sure, I'll say it -- he had plenty to do with the end of that relationship given that Robbie and he hooked up during the relationship. Damon had already mentioned to me that he wasn't speaking to Cody, so when Cody explained that Damon had told him that he was working at Abercrombie & Fitch at the Park Town mall...which is a twisted and bizarre version of the name of the mall we work in. But since Damon doesn't talk to Cody, I knew something weird was up.

The next day Robbie texted me to tell me not to become "best buddies" with Damon just because we work together, and told me that Damon was trying to turn people against him. Except for the one little detail that Damon hadn't been trying to make me have any opinion of Robbie at all...I have been trying very hard to not take sides.
Robbie didn't score himself any points with that little tactic, and I let him know that. And I also let Cody know how ridiculously pissed I was/am at him. I'm more than pissed with him though. How can you lie to one of your best friends? And like, seriously, hasn't he caused enough damage already? At this point, I'm done with him. There's so many reasons for me to not want to be around him, and only a few reasons to continue our friendship that I can think of. It doesn't seem worth it.

Anyways, the whole thing has left me with a lot of doubt regarding my relationships with almost everyone here and feeling very much alone. I mean, Cody's like the one I've been hanging out with for the longest and our friendship kind of always seemed like a given. If that one's on the fritz...

Oh, and on the boy front? You know how it seemed like James might kinda be into me two weeks ago when he was in RI? Well, now we're back in PA and he's totally into skanky blonder-than-me boys with ugly haircuts instead. I mean, not that I'm bitter or jealous at all...(yeah, maturity's clearly not rearing its ugly head in this post. :P) In fact, the whole love-life thing looks from this angle like it's going to be a while before there's any progress there. Even my smaller, mostly secret crushes seem like wastes of time right now. And I'm all pessimistic and mopey and boring right now. Laaaaame.

So, to sum it all up...I want to be back in Rhode Island!!!!!

"If in heaven you don't excel, you can always burn it up in hell..."

I first want to say: keep thinking of Spider guys. He still needs all the support he can get, and I know I'm pulling for him. :)

In other news....cha-chinga!! I still got it.
Backstory on this: there's a boy (isn't there always?) by the name of Josh. He's the hot soda jerk at Shimmer that I've mentioned before. We flirted there at his place of work on Saturday night...just before my car died. And then while I waited for a ride.

Which, ps, I am getting my car back (again) tomorrow!!! Who wants to place bets on what breaks next? (KIDDING! Don't you dare say anything!)

Anyways, although I should have been studying for my Anthropology midterm tomorrow morning at 11, I went out to Club XS tonight for, basically, the sole purpose of seeing him. I dunno, there's this certain kind of butterflies-in-the-stomach thing that happens when we talk that I'm not used to, but that I kind of enjoy.
So, anyways, tonight we flirted. We danced. We kissed....three times, not counting the time he told me to feed him a piece of gum (which, of course, I did).
I'm blushing. I have never blushed so much in one night before in my life. It's not like I was embarrassed, I was just blushing. And I'm doing it again. This is crazy weird.

Part of the attraction, I think, is that aside from being cute, and a sweetheart, and fun...I feel like he kind of gets me. Like, he knows what my job is and he knows that it's a job. Unlike most people who flirt with me these days, I feel like he sees me as an actual person, rather than just a toy to get his rocks off. It's nice. It's new.

Now I'm cautious because, well, as Cody put it so eloquently tonight (just before I threw my water bottle at him): I never get what I want.
I hate how hard and fast I sometimes fall for people.

Memories...

I'm posting this one because I drove past the place where it happened, and because those days...well, they were really good for all of those involved. Not that we're necessarily in a bad place now, we're just...in a different place. A place where Cody and I are almost constantly fighting, so no, I take that back...it's not good.

This is from the spring of 2006
Anyways...Cody and I and our friends, well his friends that I befriended, Misty and David went driving around one time. There was a video camera and it was awesome. We all faked giving each other blowjobs. (Except Misty, she didn't get one, she just gave out. To everybody, the slutface. :-P) We blasted music. We were Cody's convertible so we would stand up and let the wind blow in our faces. It was great.

Then, we got to WalMart. There was no real reason for it. We just went. Bought some snacks, came out to the car. Cody turned the car on and started the music...
...and we began to dance. In the parking lot. We danced on the seats of his convertible, we got out and danced up against the car, in the parking lot. We just danced, danced, danced!! It was incredible amounts of fun!
About fifteen minutes in, we noticed some old ladies watching us, clearly entertained and loving it. I was fine with this, but the others got nervous so we moved the car to a remote part of the parking lot....and resumed dancing!!
I don't know how long we were there, but definitely not long enough. :)

"Forbidden love, such a dangerous game"

Okay, this might be the only post this week. I'll explain in a bit.

So, the party started, as usual, on Thursday. We went to Club XS, as usual, and had a very typical night for there. Well, there was some drama I got to watch (which is the only time I ever enjoy drama, when I get to watch and not have anything to do with it! Yayyyy free entertainment!)

Now, Friday spring break started but I am spending spring break being spontaneous and letting loose, staying with different friends and so on and so forth. Soooo, I didn't know what I was going to do that night until my friend Carl called me and said "Hey, you want to go to Baltimore?" So Carl, Brendan, and I went to Baltimore to a club called Sonar. It was pretty nice, different, but nice. A lot of fun...and it's a mixed crowd so it's awesome to test out your gaydar there.
And I met a boy. *blushes* His name is Derrick. He doesn't really like gay clubs, so he says, but....well, I'll come back to that later.

Anywho, Carl went to spend the night at a friend of his' house (his friend, coincidentally, is also named Brendan). He claims nothing happened but cuddling. Derrick came back to my friend Brendan's house with me and we slept there. I know what you're thinking but we just cuddled and watched movies.
No, we really did. I'm not even using "gay code"* when I say we watched movies.

So, late yesterday afternoon Carl and I went back to Pennsylvania. We split up, and I went to McDonald's and grabbed some food. Then I went to Harrisburg and visited my friend's Chris and Matt who I haven't seen in forever. After that, I went to Shimmer (the 18+ club here in Harrisburg) and saw a bunch of my friends who I don't see very often. It was awesome, a great time. Brendan and Derrick showed up, which was exciting and cute, that Derrick came all the way from Annapolis to Harrisburg to a type of club he doesn't really like that much to see me.

After that, I left to go do my job dancing at Club XS. I picked up Matt (who I'd left at his house so he could shower) and then we went down to York. It was a decent night, there was a new dancer who is a lot of fun and his looks...lemme put it this way: he reminds me of Usher. Yeah.
The night went well, minimal incident. TONS of people. When I say TONS of people I mean, I parked at the McDonald's that's about a block away.
Brendan, Derrick, Josh and Cody showed up at XS later. I brought Cody back to his car in Harrisburg when I was driving Matt home.

Speaking of the drive home, I almost hit a dog. I'm just driving along and all of a sudden there's this German shepherd running at me. I screamed, swerved, and didn't hit it OR the middle barrier. I still had to pull over and calm down though. Scariest. Thing. Ever.

Anyways, back at Matt and Chris' place, we popped in Another Gay Movie and watched it. That was really funny. I don't know that it's really something to watch a lot but it was good. A nice spoof of American Pie. And then I passed out on their couch.

I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing next. It's kind of exciting. :)

Oh, there should be pictures from Sonar and XS soon!!

*In the movie Eating Out, Jim Verraros' character tells his straight roomie that "watch a movie" is what gay men say they're going to do when they want to hook up. In my experience, this is true.

Post Dating is Fun!!

Hokay, so, here's the...
No, sorry, I just have that video stuck in my head for no reason at all.

Anyways, work was...well, bizarre.
It started out normally enough. Andy, Britt, Brad, and I got down to our undies in the office downstairs. Andy gave me this glowing yellow necklace to wear, which totally didn't go with my underwear but it was cool anyways. We went upstairs, said hi to our friends on the way to the stage -- and, of course, advertised our presence. Then we danced.

There was a Yeager (I dunno if that's how you spell) promotion going on. This didn't mean much to me except that there were a hella lot of bright orange island leis around. That is, it didn't mean much until somebody stuck a broken lei in my underwear as a tip! And not just that, he did the pick-up line thing. "We can use it to tie you up later."
"Sorry, I'm not into bondage unless it's fuzzy handcuffs," I told him. Which is a total lie -- not even with fuzzy handcuffs and especially not if you look like him. I mean, he was not ugly by any means, and he had a nice body from what I could tell, but still...it wasn't gonna happen. Not unless I was seriously drunk. :-P

Later a jackass, who was heterosexual (there were a ton of straight people -- guys included -- there!) decided it would be funny to give me, well, quarters.
No, he wasn't all that drunk. He knew exactly what he was doing. He put quarters in my pants -- COLD!! He then reached for his fly and asked if I wanted to see a "real dick". I held back the obvious "I'm looking at one right now" response and simply told him I'd seen plenty of dicks before.
Then he's like "I can't help it, I got twelve inches."
Course you do, sweetheart, and I'm the heir apparent for a Fortune 500 company. So I handed the quarters to Cody and said "You see him again, throw these at him."
One of the perks of my job is that I get to be honest and if you're blatantly an ass to me I can do pretty much anything I want as long as it's not violent. It's kinda really nice.

Then there was the last weird tip of the night.
This guy put seven bucks in my pants along with a white piece of paper. I assumed it was a phone number, it happens sometimes. The numbers always get tossed. So I pulled out the paper to check it and throw it out. Oh no, it's a receipt. From an ATM.
But I didn't see a bank account number, so I crumpled it up and tossed it aside. :-P

Matthias showed up around 1:30, about the same time I was calling it quits because I had done quite well and, as you know, it had been a busy weekend for me. Just like at the Mardi Gras party, a ton of pictures were taken of the two of us. Most adorable of which I'm showing here.

I was starving by the time club closed, so I arranged to follow Matthias and his entourage (JJ and Shaun) to the nearest diner. When we got there, the second fight of the night was breaking out inside (the cops, fortunately, were still outside from the first fight), and it was visible from the parking lot. We waited before going in.
Once we got inside, we were assured this was a calm night. Uh...that might not be something to share, just a thought?

Anyways, we were there for a LONG while and it was quite enjoyable.
I think I might be getting a teensy bit of a crush on Matthias. *blushes*

Anyways, my main goal for the week is to figure out my spring break. So far, my plan is this: stay somewhere on Friday night, go down to D.C. somehow on Saturday, get a haircut, go to a party with Don (it's a white trash/Texas themed party, I have no clue what I'm going to wear!), leave D.C. for somewhere else on Monday and spend the week doing homework and partying in the somewhere(s) that I am, and then I HOPE to go to New York City at the end of the week or for the second weekend.
I gotta talk to people and figure this one out cause that's not a very good plan. :-P

I have had an exquisite* past couple of days!

Do you remember back in the day when I started my weekend partying on Thursday nights? I am back at it!
Thursday night Carl, Cody, Jenny, David, and I made our way to Club XS for college night. It was not a particularly amazing night, but it was good. With a lot of drama on the side, which ew, but that's what happens when you mix boxed wine with three people in the back seat (I stayed sober, I was riding shotgun!)
(I'm hugging my friend Eric in that picture that Cody took.)

Then Friday happened. Friday was wonderful. You know why? Because I GOT MY CAR BACK!!!! FINALLY! Six weeks after my accident, I can finally drive again! And, oh boy, I did! I drove from Harrisburg back to cmapus and then out to the Park City Mall, and then back to campus and then to York where I met up with Cody, at which point he took over driving and took my car to Townson, Maryland. We met up with our friend Brendan and headed further south to Washington D.C.
Our friend Jason was working as a shotboy at Cobalt, but since I couldn't get in and most of our companions for the night had bailed on us, no one went to Cobalt to support him. We spent the whole night at Club Apex, where there were a few gorgeous people (and I made out with a girl, eh, it happens). Mostly they were ugly, but it's alright, it was still fun.

This afternoon I awoke in my bed (lord only knows how I made it upstairs and into my room. I only remember getting to the door of my dorm.) to discover my friend Melanie STANDING IN THE DOOR WAY! I had forgotten completely that she and I were planning to watch Saved! and so...we did. And all the special features on my DVD.

So tonight I am going to work. Buuuut....I am driving myself there. And I am driving myself back. Because I have my car back!!! :)

*exquisite is a word I 100% stole from Cody.

" Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy."

That's the fortune cookie that I got from Alexsander's blog today. It eerie because, in truth, I just had the craziest weekend yet -- and I should still be taking it easy because of my incredibly awful flu/cold/black death from this week.

Happy Chinese New Year, by the way.
And also? Happy Mardi Gras. I know it isn't til Tuesday but I have already had the most extreme Mardi Gras of my life. (Then again, usually I just go to my church's pancake supper, so I guess that's not hard to top as far as excitement goes...)

I know, I should have stayed in bed. I mean, I was just deathly ill pretty much all week.
But I also know that when my club brings in DJ Seth Gold the dancers can make TONS of money. I was not about to miss that kind of opportunity. Call me greedy, call me ambitious, call me just plain stupid....I was not missing this.

So I spent yesterday at the mall preparing for the Mardi Gras party. Cody showed up to pick up David (who was working at the mall) and myself, and off we went to dinner at Jenny's. Dave and Rob showed up shortly after us, and then Sean and Miguel came. We all sat and chatted for a while. The food was DELICIOUS!!!!!!!! There was pasta, brocolli, and chicken with this creamy white sauce....so good! For dessert that was ice cream and pecan pie. Well, mostly pecan pie but for those of us who can't have nuts... We all ate until we were stuffed. It was a GREAT dinner party, so much fun (so much FOOD!)
(The picture here is Cody, Josh, Miguel, Jenny, and David...most of the crew from dinner.)
Of course, there was a lot of jokes about the creamy white sauce (c'mon, one straight girl and seven gay men, obviously there's going to be a lot of those jokes. :-P). After dinner we chatted a while longer and then dispersed to prep ourselves for Mardi Gras.

Cody and I adjourned to his house. We made a masterpiece of my hair, got ourselves all ready, and then we were off.DJ Seth Gold always brings in a couple dancers of his own. He almost always brings in this one guy by the name of Kevin, who I met last year before either one of us had started dancing like this (as far as I know...) and, last night, he brought in a friend of mine named Austin.
And, as predicted, everybody made a TON of money. He also brought this cute blonde guy to assist him. We barely had enough room for all of us, but we made due and we worked it.

The club had purchased 45 pounds of beads for us, the drag queens, and everyone who works there to give out. Every time we got a tip, we gave a bead away (well, one for each dollar) and we also gave out glo-sticks. It was SO much fun!! I have never had so much as a club -- and considering I was in Victoria's Secret women's underwear, that's really saying something. Yes, not even the fact that I spent ten minutes stretching out my underwear in the front to keep myself from being totally squashed could dull the Mardi Gras party!!

There are MILLIONS of pictures that people took. One particularly awesome thing? Among the tons of people who I met, there was one super hot guy by the name of Matthias. He's not famous, per say, but he's not unknown. And he had photographers with him -- and he made me take SO many pictures with him. It was like the paparazzi, I swear -- and I LOVED it. Even when the club closed, and half an hour later I came out into the empty parking lot and saw him and I went over to make sure he was okay and everything, flash flash flash, more pictures!!
Anyways, I will be adding pictures to this post when I get them and I will probably make another post that's all Mardi Gras photos.

PS. I wrote a new scene. :)

You can find more pictures of the Mardi Gras party at Jenny's website!

"Before we play the game, let me say that I never lose"

So, let me start by saying that I am in SUCH a good mood today. I slept an almost normal amount of sleep (unlike my 12 hour coma the night before...that was some crazy ass shit :-P), and when I woke up I pulled out my as-of-yet unopened book Yoga in Bed by Edward Vilga. The book is full of nice easy stretches to do in the morning when you first wake up and right before you go to bed. The stretches are very easy to do and perfect for beginners like myself, and perfect for people who don't have time to do yoga during the day. It even includes tips for power napping -- something I can really use! I highly recommend it.
It's definitely a step in the right direction for something I haven't been doing terrifically at: taking care of myself. I also took my morning pills today -- it's been a while since I took my pills. I've also written down a to-do list for tomorrow that includes calling my doctor and making an appointment. I've got enough going for me right now that I can't afford to be slacking off and ending up in the hospital.

Another thing improving my mood? Fairview Sue, of course! She did this whole post about how fabulous and unscratched I am and it really brightened my...well, I guess this is still morning since I've only been awake for a couple hours. (No, but since I went to bed at 6 am, I'm really not a waste of life!)
And the comment that our favorite Down Under stud Shaney left on the post was also an ego boost. :)

Speaking of Down Under studs...Aussiebum not only makes the hottest underwear, but they have the most gorgeous models. Seriously. I've been going through the site this morning looking at things I want to order when I think mom won't mind or get suspicious or after she's found out I'm go-go dancing and finished flipping out about it. :-P

Anyways, I won't keep you waiting any longer, I know what you want to hear about (or at least I think I do)....last night was....WOW. I know I say that every time I have a weekend or go out for a night, but every night I get surprised at how much fun I have!
First of all, I hadn't been out with the kids from our Gay\Straight Alliance since November, really. Some of them I hadn't even seen since November when I started working at the club I now work at (almost!) every weekend. Also, my friend and Queer Mentor* who graduated at the end of last year showed up on campus to surprise us!
Also, Cody found out I was going so he went. As did Brendan, bringing a new friend of his named Joey. Carl was there with some friends of his. And my friend John who I haven't seen since November was there. Codi, who bartends there, was there with his boyfriend even though he wasn't working tonight. Mark was there, Danny was there, Adam was DJing, Will was training the new bartender, Jacki was working the door, Loki was on staff, Ray was doing security, Brenda was checking IDs...all these people I hadn't seen in forever because they work there! All in all, it was amazing to see all of these people!

Unfortunately, there were like 3 people there who I didn't know. They were awesome, but it was dead. It was cool though, we made the party happen.

(This picture is of my lesbian (yes, mine) Margie and I doing our "Just a Little Too Late" faces at each other while the song was playing. Her Lesbian Death Glare has been perfected.)

Worse still, there was drama. Well, apparently there was some lesbian drama going on, but I followed the Treatise of Drama* and stayed the hell out of it. But there was other drama....
Now, I had heard that some of the bartenders and managers from the club I work at had gone to this club and made asses out of themselves and been banned. I hadn't realized that they had gone so far as to ban all employees of the rival club -- which includes me. I understand their thinking here, I really do, but there were some problems with that:
-I hadn't driven, which means I was going to be stuck in the stairwell til 2 in the morning.
-From a business perspective, 11 people from my school came. Most weekends they stay on campus for their partying. Not to be stuck on myself BUT....what does that tell you?
-There were probably less than 10 people there who weren't there in the.
-When I take a night off...I have no other clubs to go to.
Anyways, Jacki talked to Loki on my behalf (after she gave me my five bucks back and told me I had to leave in a really apologetic way). She said she was going to discuss it with the club's owner too, because I have never given her a problem. Which, I'm sure isn't true, but whatever.

Anyways, I was allowed in for the night and she didn't take a cover charge the second time I went in...so I bought a lot of drinks. The new bartender they had that night, Josh I think they said his name was....CUTE!! Gonna have to go back soon, and on one of his weekends, so I can maybe talk to him a little bit more. I gave him big tips though, so I think I got his attention at least. (Also, I was talking to Brendan and said "The new bartender is CUTE!" right when the song faded so I'm damn sure he heard it. Whoops. :-P)

*At my school, we have these people called "Peer Mentors" who teach incoming freshmen about our school. Ryan, my "Queer Mentor" taught me about the gay culture when I came out, so we call him that. In return, I am referred to as his protogay. (protoge? It's really very clever. :-P)

*The Treatise of Drama is a (fictional) document written and signed in the early '70s (or whenever) which clearly states that gay men are not to be involved in lesbian drama and lesbians are not to be involved in gay drama. If it is mixed drama, it is fair game. All drama is fair game for heterosexuals.

"I only want to have a good time"

I really try not to make posts that have no pictures.
I also try not to swear copiously in any of my entries here.
Today, I have accepted the fact that I *must* break both of those rules in telling about my weekend.

As per usual, my weekend started Thursday. I had a date, with James. You may remember James from our very casual date before I went home for the holidays. So this was, in my estimation, a second date. I asked him out, and I paid for dinner...which had been a very nice dinner.
And that's when it started to become clear that he saw this as two friends hanging out.

He ended up coming to Club Apex in Washington D.C. with Brendan, Cody, Carl and I. I had invited him and was more than happy he was coming.
He spent almost none of the night with me. When we danced, he looked anywhere but at me and didn't touch me...he would usually brush my hand off of him in a very subtle manner if I put my hands on him.
I didn't get a good night kiss.
The worst part? I'm feeling like I was led on, but I'm not upset about it. I was so expecting to be screwed over again that I'm just like "Eh, time to move on."

Friday I was exhausted and didn't do anything. It was nice...a change of pace. But I was so tired I couldn't go to sleep until 5 in the morning.
I got a phone call at 7 in the morning. My friend Katie, a very close friend of mine who was abroad all last semester, needed help. Her boyfriend was incredibly sick and needed to be returned to campus -- which was fine, she would drive her car. The trick was getting her back to her off-campus housing.
Like the idiot or possibly the saint that I am, I got up, threw on clothes, ansd helped her out. Then she took me out to breakfast, and brought me to do the errands I had needed to do that day. I got back to my dorm at 10:40 -- 20 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. So I turned off the alarm and went to sleep. I woke up at 4 and got ready to go to work.

First of all, I woke up incredibly horny. I don't know why, since I'm very rarely horny and even more rarely THAT horny. So I was hoping to go to work at the club, and go home with somebody there.
Then my friend Karissa asked if she could come. I said okay. Then Cody needed a ride. I said okay. "I'll just get laid on Sunday," I figured, "But I can get someone's number tonight."

Tonight at work was one of those nights that makes me wonder why the hell I do that job. The utter BULLSHIT I have to put up with sometimes astounds me.
So, to start with, these two guys -- a couple -- showed up and announced they'd been hired to dance. No one who actually works there had ever seen them before, but you couldn't convince them that they weren't dancers there.
They weren't dancers. They were bitches. They began insutling another dancer there, calling him ugly (although, really, the bitchier of the two was not attractive at all, so seriously...) and insulting his friends. For no reason. Neither Chris (the other dancer) or any of the other dancers had said a word to them. They monopolized our space to dance in, too.

So, around 1:45, after making a mere $14 in tips (I was pissed about that too), I called it quits. I went to put on my clothes -- forgetting that (because I was wearing far skimpier underwear than usual) I'd worn my jeans into the DJ booth.
As I returned from the office to get my jeans, I was accosted by this 70 year old. The same one who had gotten into the passenger seat of my car? Yeah, him. Bald, nasty, full of himself, and drunk as shit. It took FOUR people as well as myself to get me away from him, and by that point? He'd not only copped a feel, he'd gotten in some hardcore fondeling. I felt so incredibly dirty and disgusting. But that's the job -- you have to put up with that shit. People are there to help, and they tried, but shit is gonna happen.

When I was back in office, clad in my jeans thankfully, I heard over the intercom a call "Security to the stage, security to the stage." One of the two bitches who thought they were dancers had punched a guy for pulling down his underwear.
Anyways, when I'm hearing him tell the story to the manager a bit later, I couldn't help myself. In a perfectly matter-of-fact, polite way I just said "Putting up with disrespect is part of the job."
He flipped the fuck out. "You're a fucking crackwhore!" he shouts, "Go smoke more crack." I was livid, but I behaved and said nothing else. My slenderness is mostly due to my Crohn's disease...do you make fun of chemo patients for being bald? NO! Get some fucking people skills, and get the fuck out of my club. Whores. I was SO PISSED.

In the meantime, Karissa finds me and tells me she's going home with somebody. She points out the guy. My eyes widened. I nodded, but I know I'm getting a call soon..."GRAHAM!! HOW COULD YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH THAT UGLY MOTHER FUCKER?!?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" It'll be my fault, but I'll still come pick her up.
Meanwhile, Cody had been dancing with this guy he's had a crush on for MONTHS. And then they started making out. I encouraged this...and Cody went home with his crush. We'll see what happens.
But basically, everybody got laid but me.

Although, I did get hit on by a friend of mine who is DEVESTATINGLY hot. I'll keep you posted on that.

The Year in Review Part 1

To start off, I want to wish everyone a great and wonderful and glorious and joyful...

2007!!!!
Happy New Year!!!

So, here's a review of 2006 for all of you. This should be especially interesting because I hadn't started writing this blog yet.

The story really begins in 2005, so I'll give a brief overview of that...got a boyfriend, came out to my parents, things were going but beginning to get rocky. In theater news, I'd done Twelfth Night, and my first one act festival (impressing all of my professors as the Inner Man in "Double Take") at my college and had begun touring in my college's production of Pinocchio -- a script which we, the cast, had helped to write.

-I performed Pinocchio near Philadelphia...the cast is still one of the most closely bonded groups of people I ever encountered and I love them all to death no matter what. :) We celebrated New Year's Eve together (minus the couple of people that went to New York City but we love you gals anyways) and watched Blue Lagoon, my first (and last, I hope) exposure to turtle porn. :-P
(The picture is of myself and a castmate in our dressing room. I don't remember what we were doing but it sure looks bad. :-P)

-I met the boy who would soon become my second boyfriend, a nd my introduction to drag culture as he was adrag queen...(dun dun DUN!)

-I broke up with my very first boyfriend Rick shortly after New Year's Eve. I handled doing so poorly, and karma would kick my ass for breaking that wonderful guy's heart in the not-too-distant future. As much as I regret the way it happened, I don't regret doing it. It simply would never have worked.

-I invited the future boyfriend to come to a party the cast had just before we went home for the end of our winter break. He got shitfaced and I had to feed him pretzel sticks.

-On January 10th, I became official with my second ever boyfriend. This is a day that will live in infamy for my poor judgement.

-In the next month, I performed in my second one act festival as Jack Wilkins in "The Lottery". I also lost my virginity, drank for the first times, made tons of new friends (which was good because I was alienating the old ones), got into clubs for free for the first times, and attended more drag shows than I care to remember. Pinocchio was also still touring. Oh, yeah, there were some classes in there. My friends were constantly telling me how much they didn't like my new boyfriend, and I ignored them although everything they said (complaints about how he treated me, and everyone else, for instance) were completely legitimate. I managed to convince myself I was in love. The emotional abuse I was taking though, in retrospect, was incredibly unhealthy and it's no wonder I've become such a jaded bitch.
(The picture is of myself as Jack Wilkins (except with badly done make up) sitting in a chair in the green room during the Spring 2006 one act festival!)

-During the weekend before Valentines Day, the boyfriend and I broke up over a massive argument partially instigated by his friends but mostly instigated by his refusal to use condoms and my agreement to go along with it. Oh, and the fact that his ex-boyfriend was found out to be HIV+. Anyways, long story short, I got shitfaced drunk at a friend's 21st birthday party, and spent the next week holed up in my room. My three best female friends in Pennsylvania (who, combined with myself, make up the Quad) and my roommate kept me company. Meanwhile, the entire rest of the school, including people I'd never met, were outraged that someone had hurt me so badly. I would later hear from an uncountable number of people that if the ex ever set foot on our campus they would beat him dead. I can't say I objected.
(The Quad is pictured here, although the picture is from much later in the year.)

-On Valentine's Day, I emerged from my room for the only time other than meals and classes that week to go to an anti-V-Day get together with some very close friends. While I was there, the ex drunk dialed me. Next, my mom called say hi and to let me know that my dad was in the hospital after mysteriously passing out at one of his rehearsals. It was not a good night.

-I entered what we called "the Ricochet" phase. Although I didn't have any actual sex until my first HIV test came back negative, I definitely earned a reputation as a slut during this time.

-As a scheme for revenge against the ex, I entered the Mr. Shimmer 2006 pageant. I lip synced the song "Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang for my talent, and I came in second out of three. That was all I needed to be triumphant though, the contestant my ex was helping out came in third. Both other contestants became part of the Ricochet as well, and believe me that was going to complicate things further down the line. After the pageant, some of my formerly alienated friends and I ate at the diner near our campus and the event will live on in infamy for the rest of our lives.
(Left: Me performing "Bad Touch". This picture is probably the most popular of the pictures from the pageant, but there's plenty on Facebook. Right: Me at the diner showing off my lovely lady lumps...I guess.)

-April Fool's Day came around. My roommate Shawn set forth a challenge betting various people on the floor that they couldn't prank him, so when he went out for the night we moved his bed, closet, dresser, desk, computer, and all the rest of his furniture and belongings out into the dorm's lounge and set up a bedroom for him there. That same night I met Cody, and asked him to dance. Later, I not-so-gracefully slipped my phone number in his jacket pocket. When I came back from the club, Shawn had gotten his revenge. My bed had been dismantled and placed in two neat piles with the matress leaning up against the wall. All of my drawers were in a pile on the floor. Too tired to do anything about it, I put the matress on the floor and went to bed -- but not before getting a text message from Cody. He and I hung out the next day.
(There's really no explanation for the picture on the left. It's from March, I like it. :-P On the right is a very bad picture of me at the club, and Cody's arm behind me. :-P)

-And so began the Cody saga, a tale of the two of us toeing the line of dating for months. Finally, after I'd gone home for the summer, we gave up, had a massive fight, and then settled on being best friends.

-The school's theater club went on a trip to New York City, which I almost missed thanks to clubbing the night before! I spent the time with some of my Pinocchio cast mates (the show was still touring, by the way), and my other theater friends, and a very sore throat I thought nothing of. We had tickets to see two shows, I was with the half of the group that went to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and I feel absolutely in love with the show.
(Two of my friends and I at the restaurant we had lunch at that day! The guy really isn't creepy, I promise! :-P)

-During the Cody saga, I made an excursion into the realm of group sex with my two friends Chris and Matt. I also entertained the possibility of a relationship with my friend Adam, but quashed that idea fairly quickly.

-Also, there was A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. I decided to co-stage manage. It was a nightmare on it's own, but tech week was the worst. I woke up to a phone call, our lead actress (who was also one of my best friends) had had her appenix burst. Tech week was littered with other (less severe) injuries, but the show went off without a hitch except for a couple nosebleeds.
(One of our actors posing while his character talks about erotic pottery...)

I'm going to pass out for a bit. As soon as I wake up, I'll finish up with part 2!

"You've got so much to do and only so many hours in a day..."

So my weekend, which was crazy as per usual, began early. It began on Thursday night, and what an adventure it was!

You see, Brendan, Cody, Jason, and Josh were planning on visiting Club Apex in Washington D.C. I had not planned on going with, because of Friday's road trip back to Rhode Island.
But I ended up having a very frustrating day on Thursday and I decided that, since every plan I'd set out for that day had been screwed up and twisted in a way that was not fun...I was going to screw up one of my plans in a fun way. And I was going to be spontaneous.

So, 7:30 Thursday night, not a thing packed for the return to RI, I jumped into Cody's red convertible (not as hot as it sounds, trust me. :P) and we left for York. We picked up Josh, and flew down the roads to Maryland to meet up with Brendan. We piled into Brendan's sleek and silver BMW series five (which is plenty hotter than it sounds) and headed down to D.C. where we going to meet up with Jason -- and Chris, who dances with me on weekends!
We went to Soho, which was right near the club, and got food and coffee. I myself got a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake which is pretty much heavenly/orgasmic. Not even kidding, try it some time.
So, then we went to Club Apex. I made some new friends -- three. Two of whom I look forward to seeing next time we go down to Apex. Cody also took a video on his camera...if you look closely, you can see me occassionally when the light is right. I was dancing right in front of him, a little to the right, though sometimes I'm definitely dead center in front of the camera. Thankfully, Cody is taller than me so you can still see stuff. :P
(The picture is of Josh and I.)

Now, I really can't tell you what the point of taking videos inside a club is because you can't see anything...but hey, since it's there, I figured I might as well post it! :P

We got back from D.C. at six in the morning. I set my alarm for 10:30, packed in an hour (I'm discovering now I didn't bring enough clothes that I like to wear out...oh well. I'll do a lot of laundry. :P), slept til 11:30, threw my stuff in the car, got Meghan, said my good-byes....
And then by 12:30 we were off. I drove for a while, we switched when we got to New Jersey. She drove til Connecticutt, and then I drove the rest of the way. We got to my house at around 7:30 that night. Pretty good, since it's an 8 hour train ride and we'd had to brave rush hour near New Haven.

So, I powernapped -- exhausted, and then I was off. I'd gotten a spontaneous invite (well, okay, he sent out a myspace bulletin asking if anyone wanted to go with him) to a party his friends were having. So, I went and met Scott in Providence.
...and I drank more than I should have.
And I think I annoyed Scott. Which, well, I guess he doesn't like me drunk. Oh well, it's not like it happens with any frequency.
But...I made some new friends!

I left there at about 5, got home at 5:30, and slept. Then I woke up and proceeded to get ready for a Christmas party my friends Big Bill, Little Bill, and Chris were hosting. Even though I ended up two hours late (thanks to my mom :P), it was a great time. And, following the theme for the weekend, I made new friends! Most importantly though, I caught up with old ones. And then I stayed to help clean up, and then I went and found out that no matter whether or not where I parked was legal...I didn't get a ticket. :P

Today was interesting because an old friend of my parents came by. You see, my brother and my existence hinged entirely on this person's behavior when he was sixteen. My parents spent a year raising him in his mother's stead.
Apparently, he's also gay and has been with his partner for 14 years. How impressive and inspiring is that? It does happen! :D

"Gays of Our Lives"

My life is sometimes compared to a soap opera. I won't lie, sometimes it seems like it would make a good TV show. Most of the time though, I laugh at those jokes.
Not so much this weekend. This weekend has been very, very soap operatic.

Craig seems to be warm for my form* again, so that's good news. I know, every time I post it's hot or cold, but at least right now....all's well that's going well for the time-being. :-P

This weekend was...WOW. I went to work Friday, and brought two dear friends of mine who were fully intending on getting shitfaced. And oh boy did they ever!
When we got into the car to go home (this is after the bouncer Nelson helped me bring them to the car in the first place) the vomiting started. We'd been smart and brought bags. But that was when my number one fan, also drunk, decided that he should get in the passenger seat of the car next to me and try to convince me to go home with him. Now, he's like seventy, so I was pretty much like "Pop your Viagra, get a facelift or six, and come back fifty years ago. Then we'll talk." For a number one fan, he hadn't even tipped me that night, so I decided if he kept it up he was going to become my number one restraining order.
My friends vomited the entire hour ride back to school. They were still vomiting for a good long while after we got them into the dorm that I was dropping them off in.

Needless to say, I slept most of Saturday after a night like that.
Then I headed on over to the mall to get my car fixed (as I've been driving on a spare since I blew a tire two weeks ago). They had the tire. They had the rim. They were all ready to stick on my car. "Fifteen minutes," they said, "Stick around."
So I stuck around.
One hour I stuck around. I was not pleased.

So, just by sad coincidence, I was supposed to be at the theater exactly when that hour ended. So I called my stage manager for my one act and professed my profound apologies at the incompetence of the Tires Plus people. Not incompetence -- lack of time management skills.

The one acts went marvelously, and then went and struck the set. I left strike early, and went to go get ready for work. So I'm mildly shocked when Cody gives me a call and asks for Jason's number.
Now, how had he missed the little game or whatever it was where Jason refuses to give me his number and totally toys with me and my gullibility over this? C'mon now, let's be real. So I say no, and ask why.
Well, what was going on was Josh's own personal issues so I won't go into them but let me just say that this kind of shit belongs on television, not in real life. End of discussion. Get me a camera crew if this gonna keep up.

So I got to work and Cody called me to let me know that Josh was okay and safe. Cody had been out looking for Josh for at least forty-five minutes and he stayed with him until Josh's parents arrived. Then Cody came out to XS because of something else major going out:
Our friend from last school year, David, had disappeared in June when he started dating this MAJOR creepy asswad. They broke up (I think) last week, and David was just now coming back to us. Like when a character comes back to life in a TV show. It was very exciting, very good. He's shaved his head...but, hey, whatever works for him. He has a nice car now so that's an improvement. :-P
I also made a few new friends, although I didn't manage to get all their numbers so I'm hoping they'll be back for the big party that is next Saturday!

The three of us crashed at a friend of David's place. Cody slept on the floor, and David and I tried to share the couch but that wasn't so much happening. Noting my discomfort, the friend invited me to sleep in his bed with him. He warned me he was a cuddler.
Cuddling, however, led to shirt-removal, which led to making out....you know where I'm going with this. It meant nothing, it really was nothing. Just a hook-up. So incredibly just a hook-up, that it is the most hook-uppiest hook-up I have ever hooked. Which I think I'm oddly okay with, although I do feel kind of like a slut.

Today, Cody and I hung out. He brought me Oreos. Big mistake. I've been battling my addiction to those cookies and for three weeks I've not had any in the room. He brought two packages. He's a friggin' enabler. These are normal ones, but next thing you know...it's Double Stuf. Then it's the chocolate covered, or peanut butter, or caramel, or white fudge, or the funky red-cream holiday ones! And then before you know it, I'm back to spending all of my money on Oreos and not on important things!


*Credit for this phrase goes to my fabulous friend Mel!