I'm sure I'd seen her, but I hadn't spoken to her. I didn't know her.
We had some friends in common. Facebook says we had 35 friends in common, but we probably had more than that, knowing this campus. We were even in some Facebook groups together -- like "I Give Sass" (which she had just joined).
But I didn't know her.
She worked here, she learned here, she ate here, she lived here. She went for a run this afternoon, and now she doesn't do any of that anymore.
My best friend and, currently, my stage manager knew her. That was tough to see. She's bubbly, she's always happy, always smiling. I didn't see even the corner of her mouth turn up all rehearsal -- all four hours I was there -- even at the funny bits. She sat there, arms crossed. There is nothing like that to make someone feel horribly helpless.
Another friend of mine, Dawn, one of the few lesbians I talk to regularly (not that I have anything against lesbians in general, I just can't stand most of the ones I know...) and one of the strongest girls I know, was on the track team with the girl. I saw her and another friend of ours just after their team meeting. I went to catch up with Dawn and our friend and give her a hug, cause it was pretty obvious the whole team was really upset. Dawn turned around, and I almost lost it.
She had that face, the only facial expression I know of that's more depressing, more upsetting, than seeing someone cry. When the eyes fill with water, but they just won't leak. The jaw is stiff, the mouth is in this twisted version of a determined smile. You can't tell if they're trying not to cry or if they're beyond tears. That was Dawn's face.
No one really knows what happens, except that she was here, she went for a run, and now she's gone. There's speculation, rumors, there's the cold hard facts of the investigation which I won't go into because aside from making it even easier to stalk me than I have already made it...they're pretty gruesome.
I didn't know her. But it feels kinda like I did.
EDIT: Sorry, but I don't think there'll be a pretty person this week.
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2 comments:
Sounds very traumatic.
Sounds like she had a lot of friends though so thats good.
Kev in NZ
Sorry to read this...my prayers are with everyone involved.
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