I don't think he does either.
This past weekend...it was perfect. I felt comfortable, I felt safe, I felt like we were a sure thing.
Now I'm not so sure. I don't know what's going through his head, and he doesn't seem to be able to explain it to me. There is no more "ciao bello" just "ciao", there are no more compliments coming with ease from him. It all feels very harsh, very cold.
And I have to wonder...has he gotten what he wanted? I don't think he's that type of guy, I really don't. But I usually don't.
And he's seeming a little A.D.D. Like, he just burst out on this rant about men and all of the heartbreak he's gone through. About as much as me, for the record.
All I want is to keep him from getting hurt again, but I can already see...or I'm already afraid. This is going to get me hurt again, and again, and again. I'm starting to think I'm wasting my time, looking for something meaningful with him.
The things he complained about, the things he said he was tired of...they're not me. The things he seems to want, that's what I have to offer. Can I get him to see that? No.
Maybe I'll just settle for less, go after some gorgeous guy (and who gives about his personality?) from the club I work at. Maybe I'll try to forget about him. I can't do this up-down-all-around. I can't be his seasonal boyfriend, his date when I'm home on vacation.
I'm not saying I need a decision right now, but I need him to stick on a fairly steady indecision.
How appropriate...the song that just started?
Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can't help
Falling in love with you
Darling so it goes
Some things
They were meant to be
Some things
They were meant to be
4 comments:
Listen to the advice of an old fart.... move on, you deserve better!
i'm with kendall sweetie...think about how you have talked me through some bad shit...let your friends get you through this and moving on with your life
Baby boy,
Take your time with this. Don't make any rash decisions...and know that I'm sendin' out love from San Francisco...okay?
Thanks guys. Things keep going on and on with this...I'm not sure I want to move on yet, but I'm getting to be sure that I don't have to or want to focus all of my attention on him.
I'm not going to make any decisions (not to worry, Pete ;)) for a while, I'm just going to go with the flow, let the tide turn me. We'll see what happens.
Kendall, you're no old fart. Older than me, yes, but I'm pretty sure you're younger than my dad. :P (We have to keep it on the down-low that I'm saying stuff like that though, he's been telling people it's the anniversary of his 25th for years now...:P)
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